Tuesday, 11 January 2011

Answers and Questions, being Gay


A few days before Christmas (yes a late one I know) My niece and my older sis, her Mom are having a discussion in the Kitchen. I’m being sneaky as ever and decide to eavesdrop on the convo and see what’s being said cause I’ve heard my husbands name been mentioned already. I’m locked on and listening being the Natural Rogue as the name and word suggests.
 “But mom, you didn’t answer me, why are you not answering me (Screams like the little spoilt brat she is) I want to know???
My sister is staring at her it what it looks like disbelief that her 8-year-old daughter is asking such inquisitive questions. “Is L related to us?” she asks.
“Ermm, yes C, he is why?” my sister has a grin on her face and although my head isn’t at all that big (The one on my shoulders and neck that is) I can’t understand how they’re not acknowledging me squatting down behind a wall smiling.
“ Well how is L related to us, he’s white and he doesn’t have black in him or Jamaican?"
“C, he isn’t white he’s mixed race.”
“What like K? Okay answer meeeeeeee… Is he my cousin?” she’s right up in my sister’s face and I’m thinking that she gonna get a tump down, a slap down from my sister for being so invasive of her space.
“He’s not your cousin he’s erm, C why does it matter? Alright he’s your uncle.” So my niece looks at her and she cocks her head to one side like some bemused misled puppy and she simple responds with an “Oh!” and skips out of the kitchen.
“Mom R was listening. MOM R was listening.” And she begins that hideous belittling laugh like she did that time when she was asking me such pressing (in my opinion) questions.

Later on that day I decided to probe my brother for answers and find out what the family thinks and what he thinks about my being gay and being married also. I tried to be casual about it whilst it battered the buttons on his Xbox 360’s buttons playing Fifa whatever number or date it was.
I start (And I recorded the convo but wasn’t to sure if I was gonna put it up so I leave maybe for a later date.)

“H, what do you think of Graham Norton?” I had to start somewhere
“Who’s that?"
“Erm, oh, let me see, err, Whoppie Goldberg?” He just glances at me, still playing his god forsaken football game. So I grab the control and twist his head round.

“What did you think about my wedding?”

“I liked it, it was good.”

“What was different about it to others that you’ve been to?” (I so need to work on my probing interviewing skills)

“It was (slight pause, rolling eyes smiling like that Cat in wonderland), it was the only wedding with talking in it, I liked that. Other weddings you have to sit down and shut up and not say nothing and if you do mom hits you in the head to shut up.” We both laugh and although the answer I looking for hasn’t come out yet I already sense that I’m gonna have to dig deeper because I know he isn’t, wasn’t bothered about the wedding being me to a man.

“Ok, so do you think it’s ok, for gay people to get married?”

"They should be able to do what they want init."
“Yeah, of course that’s they’re business if they wanna get married and they love each other. They should be able to do what they want init, they’re not hurting nobody though.” A good head on his shoulders my mom has grown here. Not so much his dad his dad is such a Yardie (Yardie being on of the type that are like Beenie Man or Sizzler so fucking anti gay I sure they’ve had a cock or two up they’re arses and bleed like Raz B, did I go too far? Meh)

“Oh (I’m wide eyed now), ok so I didn’t expect that answer from you. What do you think about gay people?”

“I don’t.” I at first thought it was a negative response considering I had already downed a bottle of Moet to myself and was feeling good. But I dusted that shoulder and saw the response as how it was probably meant to be portrayed. I don’t even think about gay people why would anyone else really dumb fucking question.

“Erm, do you think gay people are nasty? Cause C seems to think otherwise.”

He laughs at me at although not in the same key as my niece I’m starting to feel really little right now and want to opt out of this question, answer session with him.
“She’s dumb, she’s just a little girl init. I think she knows and she just thinks anyone with someone they love is nasty. In a way it is. Like kissing with tongue and all tat spit… Ergh! I hate it when mom used to wipe my face with tissue she licked and you could smell her spit under your nose, nasty.”

“What do you think of L? Do you like him…? Be honest.” My head keeps tipping back craving for the stability the alcohol can give it.

“He’s fun and he’s funny. Your funny too.” I want to know more.

“What does the family think about me and L, do you hear what they say?” We all know children hear things they’re not meant too its part of being children, to blabber and get other adults in trouble, come on (was I really expecting an honest answer though?).

“I don’t know, they don’t speak about you, well at least when I’m not around any way. I mean sometimes (Something juicy is coming I can feel it), they just say like, I wonder if they will cook for the BBQ, or to see if you lot are busy on the weekend because they want to invite you round. But nothing bad, I don’t hear nothing like what they really think. (Ok boring, he knows what I’m after and he’s fucking covering something up. I grab a pillow from his bed and dash it across his head only to see a pillow coming in my direction and I’m far too tipsy to curve it’s enthusiasm, I role of the sofa.)

“What does, D think about me and L?” D is my niece’s biological father and would go as far as to call him dad the fucking so and so (I’ve disliked him for the last 13 years and probably will continue to, he’s just smug shit and Fugly)

“He’s asked how you lot are doing.” Brief and to the point.
“Oh (Un-amused me), Do you have gay friend or you think you have gay friends.”

“Nah…(He picks up the control and un-pauses the fifa game, eyes fixed to the screen and I notice his body starts to tense up, SNAP!”

“Would you mind having gay friends?”

“Would you mind having not gay friends?” (Little fucker you, but I’m surprised, maybe I’m not the only gay in the family village although I would say A would be not H.)

Maybe I am the only one
“That’s not what I asked and you can’t answer a question with a question (How many times have you heard that). I wasn’t too sure if I should go there yet I mean although I knew about who I was when I was like 5 wanting my MR Perfect name shall be withheld initials being J.K awwwwwww, doesn’t mean he’ll know at his age being 11. I do the brotherly thing and ask to play the game with him. He allows me and as I miss the goal many a times and don’t know how to control the bow legged players he screams out on more than one occasion “Your so gay”.

“What’s that meant to mean? Your so gay, it’s not nice to use words like that in a negative way”

“Don’t mean it like that, I mean like your rubbish init.” Oh so now Gay mean being rubbish with the youth today and some adults at that, so I guess if I say “Your so straight it will mean, the person is good at having unprotected sex and breeding up the world with so many useless bastard children then (Well so the middle class say about the working class, another story, another blog). Either way we can’t win now, can we.

I’m getting bored of the conversation and decide I want to hear more from K, A and K and see what they think. My two brothers and nephew. My reason is, just wanting to know how they’ve been brought up and what a snippet of they’re generation thinks about the sexualities in the world. To be honest so far Non-seem to be bothered and the children I’ve worked with don’t seem bothered either. These days it just seems if you don’t know any one gay or lesbian (They’ve forsaken the Bisexuals understandably, greedy bastards), then you are so not cool if you don’t’ have a multi racial, sexualitied family and circle. (Sexualitied, is that even a word or another Marbie made-up one?) I’m glad the world seems to be coming to that slowly, but will it ever just be like the grass is green.
Cute picture huh?



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