Sunday, 25 December 2011

Sunday, 11 December 2011

MEMOIRS OF MARBIE: Nightmare before Christmas

December 1990: The month of Christmas is here, other kids have given in their letters to Santa but I know there isn’t one. I found that out once when I saw my mum wrapping presents and putting them under the Christmas tree the night before Christmas. It’s freezing and outside I see the large shards of glittering but ever so dangerous, beautifully formed icicles silently hang from the roof tops. Ramona and I always loved knocking them down, but we were forbidden to do so when once one almost land on our next door neighbor, what a mess that would have been, death by ice. Ramona, Meadow and my mum are upstairs putting up the tree, their laughter taunts me and I’m not allowed to join in as part of my punishment for what Abel and I did and also for me wanting to blood Aunt Geegee. Sitting in my room, frosty as the snowman Meadow and I carefully formed in the garden I’m wondering if we are going up to Chorley this year like we do every year to see Granny and Gran Dad and the rest of the up north family. Why all of the family lived up north I have no clue and then Ramona and Meadow have their other side of families down here in London I have no one, just them, just my mum sister and brother. I’ve come to terms with not having my own cousins and dad around and I really do love them all but that hole that seems to be filled with the disintegrating breadcrumbs they’ve tried to fill it with is getting larger and yearning for a more cement like filling.
Just doodling another eye in my note pad I took home from school, not note pad my maths book. Listening to the sounds of the tree’s branches clap with one and other in the short, strong gusts of wind, hearing the one bird calling out and no doubt looking for food in all that snow, cars are not so frequent on this road of mine so when they do pass they’re loud enough to hear from even the bathroom. Climbing down from my bunk-bed and sitting down next to the window ledge in my room I pull the net curtain over my head and look out the window, my snowman looks at me in his wooly scarf and hat that mum said I could put on him, he seems to know sorry too as he sits there patiently for some ray of sun to melt his troubles away. Cat walking on the back garden wall, weaving it’s self through the leafless apple tree’s twisted branches, I need to go toilet so I get up and walk to the passage. “We miss you a berry mismas.” Meadow begins to sing ‘We wish you a merry Christmas’ and although my mum has said nothing immediately, I can hear that she is smiling towards him, Ramona joins in with him and the a call from upstairs “Rogue come upstairs, come and see the tree.” Ramona shouts down and stamps back towards the living room based at the front of the house.
“I’m going toilet.” I shout back up and hear the  T.V volume go up, they’re watching Annie. I do like those films my mum puts on for us to watch, but kind of when I’m alone, all the others do is laugh and talk whilst watching it. Passing the cupboard under the stairs chills runs up my spine, across my shoulders and then back down to my toes. At least that cupboard has a light and isn’t deep enough to get lost in, although I have lost many toys to the mouth of it, I should go hunting for them some time. Maybe today whilst they play together upstairs, the happy with out Rogue family.
Sitting on the toilet doing a pee, I never liked standing up at home to pee, I just liked to be comfortable and unrushed, however if there were people in the house that weren’t household members I would stand just being cautious someone might walk in on me. Yeah they’d probably think I was doing a shit but, hearing the pee stream out and no smell of yesterdays digested lamb roast would give away that I was just peeing. Just sitting silently, hearing the murmurs through the walls and ceiling of them talking upstairs. Thinking back;

Ramona and I are in our old house: Graham road
We’re scaling the stairs pretending to swim up stream. “Save me, help me, I’m drowning” I call up to her. She turns round and passes her hand down to me, I grab it and hold on tightly and pull her down towards me just a little.
“Don’t pull me down.” She turns to me and grabs one step above her so she doesn’t get pulled down. I’m only pulling to make the game a bit more realistic, after all we are in a river and our boat has been destroyed. “Swim Roeroe, swim.” She hails down at me. I kick my legs and wave my head around as if the waves of the vicious attempt to drown me.
“I’m trying Ramona, I’m trying, hold on don’t let me go.” I let go of her hand and then glide down a few steps further behind her, she stops and pretends to tread water and wave her arms in and out.
“What are you two doing?’ Mum walks out of her bedroom and looks at us funny, not in the way she’s upset with us, but she seems happy that we’re playing nice for once, playing together at all. She pats Bingo, our Doberman puppy on the head where he lays guarding her bedroom door and carries on walking passed.
“We’re pretending to drown in the river, we lost our boat, Ramona has to save me” kicking my legs and twirling around on the stairs I scream at my mum and she turns round, nods and smile. The click, the sound, the smell of my mum lighting her cigarette thrills me, she goes into the living room and begins to watch one of her boring TV shows, which always seem to only have white people in them even Eastenders had a minimal cast of people that looked a bit like me and when they did they didn’t speak like people I know, living in East London, they spoke that weird and annoying way like all the other characters did.
Looking back at Ramona and just as a split glimpse I saw a shimmering of something in the crease of the steps above me, Ramona is almost at the top, every thing has stopped and is now silent. I look back to where I though I saw the glimmer, crawling up towards it, it becomes apparent what it is, a biro pen with no lid, a black biro pen with no lid. Looking up at Ramona she glides down a few steps down towards me “Rogue the water is too strong, brace yourself I’m flooding back!” she screams back down at me she turns her head looking at me to judge where her feet are it seems.
“Careful.” a deeper voice comes from within me. She begins to climb back up the stairs slowly and I grab the black brio pen with no lid, spin it in between my fingers and watch it reflect everything from behind me. Looking closer I gaze into in to it trapped in my own spell binding trance, I can see my mum’s legs crossed and her lifting her hand up to her mouth to take another pull of her cigarette directly behind me, to my right ant the bottom I watch Bingo scratch himself neat to the stairs in his fluffy brown bed, sharply turning my head to the garden door, I see Joan the tenant upstairs walk passed with her washing basket. I look bag at Ramona still moving slowly but slower than what I just saw. I hold the balck biro pen with no lid now in my fist and swim “It’s too strong Ramona, I’m going to drown.” In a gurgling voice I say to her. “No Rogue swim, you can beat it” she yells back down at me. My mum shushes us loudly so we know to be a little quieter. Ramona’s bum is large in my face as she falls back and I hope she doesn’t fart in my face. All this screaming and shouting that we’re going to drown I don’t want a mouthful of this morning’s Weetabix and toast thanks.
A thunderous, banshee screams soars and scare the walls of the house, Ramona jumping up and down on the stairs and twisting her body like a worm that salt has just been thrown on. Black biro pen with no lid has gone from my hand, black biro pen with no lid on has vanished. Screaming still and discovering something from her behind, she yells out to my mum who I can hear already coming towards us “He’s stabbed me mum, he stabbed me in my bum, Rogue stabbed me.!” Crying and tears filling up the stairs enough to make our play river real I look upon her face  an see sheer agony and pain fill her, my pushes me out of the way and luckily I’m only on the third step now so the fall onto the door behind me doesn’t hurt as much as it could have. Looking up at the both of them “Hold Still man cha.” My mum turns Ramona round on her belly, Ramona cocks up her bum in the air, mum hold on to the black biro pen with no lid. I wail of lightening thrashes towards me from Ramona’s mouth, Bingo barking and looking up towards my mum and sister. “It hurts mum, it hurt, don’t take it out.” She looks down at me and the skin under her eyes has swollen with moisture.
“I have to.” My mum pulls at the pen and has to steady herself from falling backwards on the stairs. Red smears the black brio pen with no lid. My swiftly my mum runs the stairs, pushes me slightly to one side and opens the door behind me, it’s dark down there. Grabbing me by the shoulder, smelling the musky smell of damp and dust my mum pushes me in side. One thick step I sit upon and then down the wooden hollow steps continue to where I have no clue. Watching Ramona on the stairs still crying my calming down my mum shouts at me as I try to get out of the entrance of the basement door “Just get in there boy” the door closes and the light fades away quicker than I could blink and say sorry. Screaming and scratching away at the door the darkness thickens as my eyes try to adjust to the lack of light. The small space between the door and the floor has some light coming through but not enough to sustain any calm in my mind. The darkness thicken even more so as I see the light between the gap fade away, some one on the other side of the door has filled it up. “Let me out, I’m sorry mum, I’m scared” I scream out. Only the answer of feet walking way answer to my call. The darkness is so thick now if I put my hand out to it will surely grab and pull me down to it. The smell of damp thickens and as I try to tightly hold my scrawny legs up to my chest on the one step keep me and the deep darkness apart my right foot slips and down and I begin to follow down with it. Scared of what I might find down there or what might find me down there I scream out to my mum how sorry I am. My tears are enough to really drown me now. Cold, damp and musky I sit on in the middle of the stairs, I think I’m in the middle at least. Checking with my foot and holding onto the wall on my right it’s now obvious the quick fall down the stairs has lead me to the bottom. Putting my head in my lap I listen out for the hope of my mum unlocking the bolts to the door, I’m too scared to make my way back up, just in case something drags me back down, I close my eyes but of course that only make things even more darker. I hear the cars above me. The basement obviously leads under the road. I’m cold, shivering, trying to keep warm. I can hear them in the bathroom, I can’t make anything out, too muffled and I’m too cold to concentrate. Holding my head up and trying to look into the endless shadow I have been swallowed into I begin to see light far away in front of me. Red tiny lights coming towards me. There’s 4 of them then 6 and then only 2. Something falls over to my left I want to climb back up the stair, but will that something just follow me up? I hear Ramona and mum come down the stairs “Mum” not a shout not even a whisper, a almost breathless sigh flutters from my lips and is absorbed into the darkness. Trying not to move, trying not to make a sound I still her what ever is down here with me on the left in front of me. The door bell rings, Ramona runs back up the stairs, I can tell it’s her cause of the light and space out jumps she does to get up the stirs quicker. Another adults voice is in the house, I can’t call out now, they’ll know that I’m down here, what would they do? I’m sure this is normal to do anyway when you’ve done something wrong. My hearing tuning in well now, not so warm but I’m able to concentrate on the sounds, the kettle begins to boil, the cups placed on the counter, the stirring of the tea. Ramona playing her records, the TV getting a little bit louder, my breathing getting slower and the two red lights are eyes watching me. Don’t know how long now I’ve been down here but it seems a while, they kettle has gone on twice so far. My fingers are cold against my face and my chest shivers with the little warmth it can hold on to, those red eyes won’t leave alone they seem to per into the soul of me and know that I am afraid. She knew I was always afraid., she defiantly did. I must have fallen asleep at some point or lost all consciousness of what was going on around me, because that person had left the house I never even noticed and I hear foot steps come toward the top of my head, I look up toward the door. No unbolting of the locks, but whatever filled the gap and shut out the thin line of light has now been removed. Two shadows stay fixed at the top in the faint stream of the light. “Are you ready to come out now.” My mum says. The clank of the bolts excite me and I crawl up, the door opens and my mums face appears in the light. She looks at me and then at the door. She notices the marks made from my nails, now filed down from the scratching and says nothing more.

I’ll never forget those times my mum put me in the basement. After a few more time she did, I started to experiment with fire and how to keep the darkness away. First it was burning toilet rolls in the garden to see how long they would last, not very long I found. Then just holding matches and having to relight them. Then I discovered candles.
Flushing the toilet I walk upstairs to Ramona, Meadow and my mum and think to myself, how comes they never had to go down there?
“Mum can I have a mince pie please?” I ask her with a relief that I know there’s nowhere in this new house she can subject me to thickening darkness and red eyes.
“What’s the matter, you okay?” she asks.
“Yeah I’m fine.” Looking at Meadow, I feel a little bit sick still, knowing he was a child of a demon, dreadlocked man but every kid deserves a father so let him have him for now.
“We’re going to Granny and Gran dad’s soon.” Ramona slurs out with little enthusiasm. I kind of second her thought cause I know all I’ll get from them this year is socks, because no doubt mum has told them all about my shenanigans since my last visit, and Santa doesn’t give bad girls and boys nice things. Oh well, we’ll just see I guess.
Munching away at the mince pie my mum only buys for me, I asked her if I could go to Greysons’s house later on that day. Wow, she actually said yes. I ask if I can call him and she tell me not to be too long on the phone. Calling him sometimes was a hassle though, his parents would always sound so upset that their phone would ring, why bother have one if that was the case.
“I’m coming over yeah?” I say to him, with a slight smile on my face.
“Okay, don’t be long though, oh and my friend Chris is coming over too.” Attempting me to hurry up I hang up the phone, sure to run down the stairs and grab a pound out of my mum’s pocket so I can get some penny sweets on the way.
“I hope your not in my pockets you know Rogue?” she shouts out.
“No mum.” I say as I leave the door. I know she’ll probably find out I was, or had already counted the coins in her pocket. What has been done has been done. Damn it’s cold and slippery out here.

© 2010 - 2012. All rights reserved N P Rogue Laudat-Scott 'Mind of Rogue' and 'Memoirs of Marbie'

Tuesday, 6 December 2011

Thank You! Memoirs of Marbie

Hello Homosapiens a big thank, no wait A Massive THANK YOU to all my readers across the world so far for reading MEMOIRS OF MARBIE. Didn’t realize I was able to reach these lengths or that I was being viewed. Thanks to, The United Kingdom, United States, Canada, Spain, Indonesia, Timor-Leste, Switzerland, Greece. Israel, Japan, Pakistan, Egypt, Latvia, Poland, Romania, India, Belgium. Germany, Italy, Brazil, Russia, Australia, Saudi Arabia, Emirate of Abu Dhabi and Austria. It’s been a pleasure so far writing on my blog and seeing you like the Memoirs of Marbie series and other blogs I do.
More is to come so keep watching this space weekly. and pleae let your friends and their friends know where they can log on. 

Rogue Marbie Scott (Marbie smile)

Twitter: @RogueNScott follow for all the updates and coming posts. 

Saturday, 26 November 2011

MEMOIRS OF MARBIE: Aunties of Eastwick (part 2)

November 1990: After going to the shops to get some strawberries, bananas and apples, Abel and I prep for the smoothie making. Aunt Geegee and Aunt Cece go next door to a neighbor’s for a chat and whatever else adults do (Funny how back in the 90’s it was deemed okay and safe to leave children alone next door, without having to worry about them getting abducted). Pealing the banana skins back, using a potato skinner to skin the apples and taking the leaves off the strawberries we do so in silence. The kitchen isn’t exactly spotless having newspapers piled on the table next to a bowl of oranges that look like they’ve been there for months, the blinds on the windows that led out to the garden were busted and hanging in a slopped fashion, the chairs had folded clothes on them and some one really needed to sort out the cork wall as there were too many pictures and pieces of art work up there, it looked untidy even if it was a nice thing to see all of our stuff up there (My mom just put my stuff in a red leather suitcase, she never had them on show.)
“Oh my…” I beginning sing the lyrics to the song ‘Unchained melody’ as I fondle the bananas and break them up in my hands, placing them on the work top surface. Both of us aren’t even tall enough to reach properly so we’ve taken two chairs from the table that sits in the middle of the room like a casket waiting for some poor soul to fill it.

Name: Abel
Sex: Male
Description: Abel is well built, I would swear blind that he was using Elvin’s weights and those weird hard to bend hand thingy-ma-jigs. His arms were twice the size of my stick like legs and his legs were like bloody bulls thighs. I often wondered what his mum was feeding him when I wasn’t around as she cooked the foods my mum made, not so nice tasting but the same nonetheless. It’s was like she was giving him some odd magically power food to turn him into a fast sprouting man. His hair short back and sides filled with patterns mum had refused to let me have. Swirls and letters darted across his head like a shaved in hair tattoo. He was very much like Rio in the sense that girls around him, girls around the area would practically give their left leg to be in his circle. Very well know in the area not only for being Elvin’s younger brother but being who he was. Gift of the gab he could get anyone to do almost anything without hesitation. I remember once he got this little white boy on the second block of where he lived to give him his ‘Sega Master system’ and we would play Alex Kidd on it until he would buy games for it. The boy did eventually brave up to asking for it back after a few days however Abel laughed at him and called him an idiot for giving it to him in the first place and that when he had completed the game he’d get it back. Abel’s mum never did question as to where he got it though. He wasn’t a thief don’t get me wrong he hated the idea of people being labeled as bad and doing bad, I guess more fool the boy for even giving him the console that time, which Abel did give back in good condition and the games he had got his mum to buy of some junky for like £2 a game. I could go to the shops in the ghetto attitude filled area and feel safe with him, not my cousin but my sisters, but that how we’ve grown up to call each other (Funny I don’t have any extended family of my own). He was as spoilt as Ramona and me but even more so. His mother treated him like he could do no bad, little did she know, what he was like.

“Get the blending things.” He directs me to the top of the work surface on top of the cupboard. Yeah I’m tall but damn. I’m now starting to scale the mountain known as the work top surface of the kitchen, everything is a dark brown, the cupboards made from real wood. Climbing up, Abel just watches me and doesn’t even attempt to steady the chair I’m climbing off of. Feet up and standing up, I open the cupboard and look inside, yum pink wafers and other confectionaries I will be devouring later on during my stay.
“Got it.” Holding it above me head after taking it from on top of the cupboard I look down only to notice he has gone, the bastard wants me to kill myself up here I swear. The flush of the toilet unsettles me and I begin to wobble and my knees quake. The shadow growing from the passages swells and blurs. It’s him and he nods.
“Lets do it then.” He says with a grin on his face. Plugged it in, we throw the fruits in, some milk next and he throws in more than enough, half way to the top. He counts to three and turn the blender on. The noise of the blender awakens our excitement and we spinning in circles. Pinks and chunks of thick yellows stir and the black seeds of the apples say “Hello” with every spin. If only that was all. I can smell the sweet smell of strawberries in the air they overwhelm the smell of the apples and the bananas, my warm and excited skin become cool and moist. Abel has forgotten to put the lid on so the entire work surface, clothes and all had been cover with the blended colors. We are going to be in deep shit. We start to clean up using the kitchen towels on the heater, however the spinning mechanical noise is still going, dashing towards it we both bump into each other and crash to the floor, the creak of the front door stops us from continuing. Aunt Geegee walks in, he face full of shock and disbelief. Pause, stare out as if we all have guns in holsters at our side, my right hand creeps up onto the chair, and pulls my body up slowly, climbing onto the chair like a snake still watching Aunt Geegee, I turn of the blender. A pink and wet gush over the stern face amuses me but I have to control my laughter, I have to be careful not to laugh at the state of Aunt Cece’s face behind Aunt G, “God where is the house your suppose to drop on them right now?” I whisper in my head, hoping the Aunts of Eastwick won’t hear my thoughts. Aunt Cece bursts out in laughter, Aunt Geegee doesn’t. 

Tuesday, 22 November 2011

MEMOIRS OF MARBIE: Aunties of Eastwick (part 1)

November 1990: Orange, black, orange, black looking out of the not so clean window of the cab, finger prints and smudges and a little white grey splat at the corner of the window (What is that splat?) I fear what my mother has told Aunt Cece on the phone. Trees, orange, black trees, orange, alone in the back of the cab the driver smokes his cigarette with his window half way down. That sweet smell of cigarette smoke I really love the smell and how its untouchable form lingers in to my nostrils. The splat is bird poo. Sitting here in the fog I just remind myself of my first attempt to smoke on my mum’s cigarette. She used to leave them in the living room whilst she would go to the toilet. She left one lit once and as I was sitting in front of it, sitting in it’s glass ashtray with its hair of smoke fastidiously dancing higher and higher towards the crystal chandler, my hand tingles and I begin to stretch it out. Taking it hastily into my hands and trying to maneuver it the way she did, holding it in between my thumb and index finger of my left hand, “Up yours” fingers up, stick the butt part in between, close the legs and bring to lips. Holding it to my lips I assumed the smoke would find its way into my mouth and as I blew out, I realized I had to suck on it, I coughed and she called out “Rogue, what are you doing, you’re really quiet?” jumping up and waving my hands in the air franticly I ran out and up to my bedroom, she came out the toilet and looked at me run up the stairs, I looked back to see her at the door, the same door that looked like Greyson’s. So glad we moved from that house, no more doors to hide.
Right the cab has stopped and I see Aunt Cece and the window, she has noticed the car is out side, “Fiver, please mister.” The cab driver demands his payment, this time I didn’t pretend my mum hadn’t given it to me, I just handed it over as he honked his horn. She looks down at us, face seems solid, left eyebrow cocked right up, she begins to smile and laugh. Walking towards her doorstep seems like the longest mission, hallway light turns on and shiver runs down my spine.
“Hey Roe, come on. Giving your mum trouble again are ya?” standing in a black dress with sparkles on her shoulder she doesn’t seem as pissed off with me as she has normally done in the past, she seems merry. Getting up to her house its obvious why, have empty glasses and those white paper rolled cigarettes she smokes, litter the ashtray. She seems happy so I might as well be happy, for now. “Gonna take you to Aunt Geegee’s tomarra, you can spend the day with Abel and them lot, yeah?”
“Yeah, ok.” I whisper cautiously, just because she’s happy doesn’t mean she won’t switch on me if I’m too loud.
“Christella is upstairs, go watch a video or something.”  Holding onto the doorframe of her living room she begins to dance with her back on the frame. It’s not only her in the room two other ladies and a guy, a very handsome guy. They all say ‘Hi’ to me as I walk up the stairs I only pass a slight hand wave. Her she-devilish laugher soothes me, knowing I’m not in for the telling off of my life tonight. It’s only 7:30pm.
“Hiya Chrisy.” Slouching my body round the corner of her bedroom doorframe. I take my shoes of and place them in between her room and the passage, I have a rectangle bump in my sock no need for it now.
“Roguey!” She jumps of her bed in excitement. She takes out her hearing aid and it makes the most annoying high-pitched noise probably known to man. She adjusts it and all is normal again.  Her room is filled with the scent of flowers, flower perfume from one of her over combed, dreadlock looking baby dolls. See if I was Christella’s mum I wouldn’t let her go any where near them dolls, they would just be for show, to look pretty. I mean the way she hacked at them with her combs and brushes it was like she was taking out her anger on the poor things as she didn’t have anyone else to take it out on. Aunt Cece, used to cornrow her hair so tight, right at the back just under her hair line she would have these little white spots and sometimes when Aunt Cece hot-combed her she would get shiny bits on her fore head and around her ears. Hell I be damned if I was a girl, no one would ever be coming to me with no hot comb, straight off the cooker’s flames, sorry no, not I. I’m glad my mum cut my hair that time, I should have never gotten bubble gum caught up in it. “I got a new dolly, look it.” As she walks passed me to go to her dress where normally all her dolls are I wish, hope and pray and even dig my nails in my clutched hands for the doll not to have plaited hair. Just the thought of Aunt Cece seeing me undo another one of her beautiful, white cigarette influenced, construction made me cower. She brings the doll round and it’s a hairless doll, all plastic it has hair but it’s all made out of plastic, thank the heavens. The laughter downstairs soothes me like a baby and I climb onto the top bunk of her bed to go to sleep. Pulling the duvet over me I close my eyes and the pink hue of the light-shade makes me sleep. Stretching over to the shade I tap it lightly and looks down, Christella has already fallen asleep with her toes hanging out of the bed, please don’t snore tonight. To and fro I watch the light-shade sway towards me and back, getting slower, slower, slower. Even the bed smells like flowers.

Woken out of my sleep in the morning, not by any loud noise, but the curtains being drawn was noise enough to wake me. The smell of bacon, sausages, eggs and toast greeted my nostrils begging me to go down to devour them. “Roeroe, time to come down, breakfast is ready.” She seems chirpy, well Aunt Cece always was in the morning. I walk down the stair case, pure white paint and I’m careful not to touch the walls as I walk down. The sun fights it’s way from behind a cloud through the window piercing the glass vase with one dead flower and shines in my eye. Lucky it’s not summer I would have been blinded. Turning down to my final length of the stairs I watch the shadows of the two of them in the kitchen pass and phase through each like a ghost through walls. I notice the living room is spotless and in there right above one of the windows in the corner an incense stick is lit, giving the house that Rasta smell (It’s nice but not my fancy.) “The you go.” Placing two boiled eggs in front of me with toast, Aunt Cece give me the look, the look that adults give to children, when we’ve done something wrong. “You’re gonna have that and me and Chrisy will have the wicked breakfast. Don’t think I forgot what your mum told me on the phone. Roguey how could you mash up the teacher like that?” waving her hips and right hand finger like she’s about to Chaka Chan dance all over the place.
“He hurt me, they all did, look.” By then the bruise that the short wearing teacher had left on my arm had faded. Teachers got way with a lot when it came to darker skinned children. Never did I see three or four men, man tackle a white child to the floor, holding their legs apart and putting pressure on their chest. Maybe white kids weren’t bad. Or maybe it was just me.
“Well, I’m not saying your lying my Roe, a marble egg? Really?” Christella looks up at me from the corner of her eye, yeah she’s younger than me, but she knows what’s going on. “Any eat up, no treat breakfast for you. We’re going to Aunt Gee’s in a hour or so.” Great stuff, I can hopefully teach Abel how to make smoothies, I saw that on Blue Peter one day.
Bath time, don’t touch the Imperial Leather (That’s sacred) use the Lux, brush teeth, get ready in Christella’s room, Close door don’t want her looking and my willy. I make the bed I slept in and carefully place the box of matches behind one of Christella’s dolls on her dresser. Right we’re all the way to Aunt Geegee’s house and it’s freezing. The walk is lengthy, walking down Millfields road is so long. The houses are nice and the area is so quiet, who knew that this was the place for people to die and the hand of a screw driver, a beating up, a gun or the hand of their deranged boyfriend. Zebra crossing, cross, turn right and up toward the car tyre shop. Ooh, I hope were going to the sweet shop with that massive white Wrigleys chewing gum box at the front, penny sweets are like money around these parts and although I’m like one of these ghetto superstars, it’s quite obvious that I’m not. I still getting dressed like the Prime Minister’s son. I can’t wait till I’m 10 I can buy my own clothes then.
“Hello Aunty Gee.” I say with a smile on my face as my sister’s cousin Elvin answers the door.
“What you can’t say hello to me?” he says with a stern face, he grabs me by the head and pulls me in Christella walks be hind and then Aunt Cece. I walk in through the passage, the downstairs of the house is always dark in the day, no lights like Aunty is saving electricity, spooky much. I pass the stairs and to my right is Abel’s and my hide out place (We both hid there especially if I didn’t wan to go home yet)
“Yeah I heard about you, come in here… Now!” Aunt Geegee isn’t so happy and sounds like she has something in store for me. Chores no doubt, chores her fucking children should do, I don’t know how to wash dishes or wash clothes. Big time adult getting the kids to do what she should be doing. “So what happened huh Rogue?” as I walk into the kitchen and look at the brown cork material wall paper where all our pictures and art work was (I love this wall), she turns round from the cooker, cleaning chicken, holding the red guts from inside her hand and a small knife in the other. I like the look of guts and blood, it make me feel like I have some control of my own life.
“Well me and Georgie had a fight and the teachers all proper ganged up on me and the hand me on the floor and carried me up the stairs and Ashlley…” I stop and quickly try and deter my slip “And I was sitting in the Head teacher’s room yeah and…”
Interrupting me Aunt Geegee injects “Who’s Ashlley? Don’t matter go on.” Okay so she’s not so bothered
“Erm, well yeah then the I think I throwed, I mean threw the egg at the P.E teacher.” Aunt Cece looks at me then at Aunt Gee.
“What you mean you think you threw it at him huh?” Her voice rises, “Go in the hall way and sit down for ten minutes and then you and Abel can play upstairs or where ever.” She turns round and begins talking to Aunt Ce, I walk off with my head held down, Elvin laughs at me as he walks up the stairs but my rage would dare come out now, not ever here Aunt Geegee and Aunt Cece would demolish my Cooli arse. So I slide down the wall trying to will the clock to go faster. Thudding noises start, first like they are from outside, then getting louder and louder the pain increases and I throw my head back harder and harder. I know what I’m doing and almost don’t want to stop. I don’t want to stop, this is the only way I will get out of this blasted position if I bring pain to myself. “What’s that noise?” Aunt Gee, questions and Aunt Ce lets her know it me. The fast paced stamps start and end in front of me. “Stop, you stupid boy, you tryna hurt yourself.” I start to throw my head harder against the wall the painted white wall, the white sharply spiked iceberged shaped painted walls. The sting on my cheek flows to my eyes, I start to see quick flashes of black and rushing red. I open my eyes and continue to throw my head back. “Cece, stop the boy, look at him, he’s gone mad.” Aunt Cece gets up from the table and I stop, only because one of those spikes has got stuck in my head. Slowly placing my hand over the back of my head trying to feel for the spike Aunt Cece look behind me. “Gee he’s bleeding you know.” I take out the spike and look at it, pink and dark red no white at all.
“I want to blood you.” I say in a quiet voice looking deep into the eyes of Aunt Geegee. She grabs me by the shoulder and pushes me up towards the stairs telling me to get Abel and we could go out to play. Her face was a face I’ve never seen before, I can’t explain what she looked like, just a weird look on her face.
“Remember when he used to tease Abel when they played together saying his name wasn’t Rogue, but it was Ashlley? Do you think…?” That’s all I heard Aunt Cece say, the rest was mumbles as I ran up the first flight, second flight and lastly the top of the house the fourth flight. This house is so big but there’s only one bathroom, the size of Remo’s kennel.
Walking passed the bathroom into Abel’s bedroom Vern is there sitting down on the floor making a lego model, he loved playing with his lego.
“Abel… Abel I’m coming up.” I shout up at him, he was always the last to get out of bed in the mornings but, it was no longer morning so as to why he was still in bed I have no clue. He’s fully dressed and isn’t under the covers maybe he’s just being a little lazy.
“Come up then init.” He stretches his hands out for me to climb the bunk bed and I climb up.
“Wanna play a game?” He nods but before he interrupts I carry on with the excitement also reflected in his eyes. “Ask you mum if we can make smoothies later on today, because you know what? I learned how to make them on Blue Peter. You have a Blending thing. You know those things you put food in and it turns into like a drink?” He nods and jumps off the bed. Before I could stop him he runs down the stairs, me after him He’s on the second flight while I’m still running on the fourth. Down in the kitchen I hear him tell and ask Aunt Geegee if we can make smoothies and how it was my idea. So if it all goes wrong, guess who gets the blame? Me. But it’s his house so I’ll let him do every thing. I just remembered the box of matches behind the doll I hope Aunt Cece didn’t find them before we left. To my surprise Aunt G says yes. She’s not a bad witch I want a house to fall on after all. 

© 2010 - 2011. All rights reserved N P Rogue Laudat-Scott 'Mind of Rogue' and 'Memoirs of Marbie'

Sunday, 20 November 2011

MEMOIRS OF MARBIE: Grey's Anatomy (Part 1)

November 1990:  I know I’m going to get into so much trouble for even thinking it, let alone physically doing it. I’m going to go to Greyson’s house.  It’s Friday and after school my mum has to work a little later today so I’m told that Aunt Jacky would be picking me up after play-centre. Rio doesn’t go to play centre so I see no reason why today of all days I have to. I could go home with him and wait for my mum to collect me to go to the dreaded Aunt Cece’s or even better Aunt Geegee.

Name: Aunt Cece
Sex: Adult female
Description: Short, beautiful black woman. Always in the newest fashions and sometimes seems as though she could be making up her own fashions as she goes along. Short hair that was straight (Probably from a hot comb). She had that beauty that everyone wanted, I noticed this cause men always paid her attention when she took my cousins and me out. She, always used to keep walking, she was rude like that. She never spoke a word to any of them. Maybe she likes girls.
She has A Daughter a few years younger than me, Christella. Aunty Cece was one of my dreaded Aunts, for the fact that she had a wicked temper on her. If you stepped out of line, you were bound to get punished. I remember one time Christella and I were in her bedroom playing with her dolls and horses.. One of the horses were those horses with long hair (Not ‘My little Pony), a new brand of toy that all the girls wanted and so did I. I loved anything to do with horses. The horses hair was plaited and I asked Christella if she wanted it that way, cause to me it looked stupid. She said no, and that her mum had done it. The smell of the white cigarette and that smelly brown barl and dried flowers was in the air, Aunt Cece was laughing downstairs. I began to undo the doll horses hair and as I got to the last few braids the growl of a angry woman scratch my neck, “What the fuck do you think you’re doing? That took me bloody hours to do and you’ve gone and undone it in a matter of minutes pass me the fucking horses.” Enraged and me feeling scared I passed the horse to her in the doorway and scurried into the corner of the room. “Idiot” she continued. As I sat in the corner with my knees up to my chest and my arms tightly wrapped round them I lowered my head in shame and in fright. Had she been a monster or something of the sort in a nightmare (My nightmares were mostly of dying fish in a kitchen sink) her eyes would have turned different colors, her teeth would have sharpened and out grown her mouth, her hair would of stretched o the clouds becoming as black as tar and I would be dead within minutes. But no, she threw the horse on my head and I swear the coco I got in the middle stayed there for weeks.
Aunt Cece wasn’t all that bad, she used to take me to fair-grounds and parties all the time. She even said I could say the word shit, because shit is just another word for dog poo. She taught me a lot if not only to have fear in my heart from my elders. She was the Aunt though I felt much love for and would tell her things I didn’t want to tell my mum directly. She was able to translate my inner feelings to my mum.

At Rio’s house, Rio asks his mum if we can go to the corner shop to get penny sweets for after dinner. She allows use to.
“Where does Greyson live?, you said he lived near you.” Stroking his ear as we walk down the round with our arms over each other’s shoulders.
“He lives down there and stop that, not now.” Pointing down the road behind us I smile and begin to plot.
“Ok lets go there before we go back home.” Not thinking that if we go I might not want to go back to his house and also we’d be a long time. Long enough for Aunt Jacky to know that we were up to no good.
“Yeah.” Shrugging me off him as we enter the shop. I stand outside waiting for him looking down the long road, hoping it’s not too far to Greyson’s, I hated going into shops they were always so filled with things and people, so enclosed. Coming out of the shop Rio begins to walk down the road, he doesn’t say where he’s going but I just assume it’s to where I want to go. Passing a building on my left, I notice that it my old nursery I went to with that white lady, on my right across the road there’s a pub,, a pub full of people. I never understood why it was only white people in pubs and maybe, just maybe you’d see one really, really dark black person that acted white. Anyway I’m just filing this all in my memory bank for when I want to go to, if I go to Greyson’s house alone. We cross the road and Rio says that Greyson’s house is just in front of us, I am excited and want to see what the inside of his house is like. I wondered if he had lots of Bruce Lee and other Oriental things in his house like dragons and chopsticks. Opening the gate to Greayson’s house I noticed that at the end of the road is where my road is, then looking back to the house I notice two dogs in the windowed porch and his front door wide open, I can see a woman chopping something on the floor. The larger dog of the two, begins to bark wild, bearing its teeth, savage as hell, I’m scared. Rio presses the doorbell seemingly un-phased (Like the woman can’t hear her dog barking). “Is Greyson there?” he asked the short pretty lady, with wet hands, kicking the brute barking dog to one side.
“No, outside. Babyoi!!!!!” She screams out cocking her head to the corner of the house Babyoi, who is Babyoi?
“Thanks” Rio replies and turns around looking at me with a grin. As she closes the door he begins to laugh and the dog once again begins to bark at us. “She can’t speak much English, they’re Chinese” (Erm, because Chinese people can’t speak English? Idiot). I notice where the dogs are the door on my left it reminds me of something.

Leaving through the gates, Rio turns left round to the back of the houses me following still hearing the screams in my head I spot the young oriental Greyson wearing that same hideous purple jacket with a long stick in his hands. Thrashing at the walls and floor, twirling around, kicking into the air like he is one of the badly dubbed martial arts actors I’ve seen on video, I only notice that it’s a broken broom stick and the awkward movements he makes appears to be unintentional. He has no clue what he’s doing spiraling out of control like a misguided whirlwind from the heavens, and his purple jacket rising up above his waistline, seeing his skinny, even more so skinny of a body than mine, Rio runs up to him as I stop just feet away.
“Oi Greyson, we came out to play for a little bit, but we have to go back soon. Rogue is in trouble.” Gripping Greyson’s shoulder he turns to me as he speaks, Greyson looks at me and I am ready for the badly dubbed voice to come out. At my feet the large stone path is littered with crips packets and dried, white dog shit. Who knew that dog shit would turn white, or maybe there was something wrong with the dog that laid it’s messy for all to see. Greyson begins to speak, the long nail sounds begin to repeat, but then I look up at him and look into his black, shark-like, hooded eyes. His skin, although dirty from goodness knows what was a nice complexion, slightly dark than Georgie’s skin, digestive biscuit looking with hues of yellow, but the dirty marks on his face just shouted out ‘Damn this boy needs a wash’. Its not as though he looked like that in school, well I could really tell that, I always saw him from a distance or in the dungeon toilets.
“Hiya, you wanna come in?” Greyson holds onto Rio’s hand on his left shoulder and he begins to walk round the house going another left. His voice is very soft and high, he sound like one of those Chinese little girls, where is the bass in his voice? Into the back garden gate that was his, I follow across the well, paved ground and look at those ugly clothes racks that look like umbrellas (so common). He opens his back garden door, which lead into his kitchen, looking up to my right, a ‘Beware of the dogs’ sign, left a large round electrical tub thing with dried, stuck on rice round it. The cooker needs a clean thick with black shinny greasy stuff. The woman, his mother is crouching down on the floor still cutting with that huge knife as Rio and Greyson pass her I hesitate to walk passed her, what if she were to miss what ever she was chopping and got the end of me toe, it’s bad enough me getting a nail in my foot, but to loose my foot completely, no thanks.
“You go, go, go go”, she hurries me to go pass waving her knife at me like some lightweight paper fan. It’s a duck she’s hacking at, the neck now severed from the body, wings stretch out to their sides and a large jagged split down the middle of it’s white and pinked chest. Walking slowly passed her now hoping not to get any of the blood on my shoes, I think to myself that maybe the duck was alive when she started hacking at it, I mean that would explain the mass of blood right? Just passing her and at the kitchen door leading to the front of the house Rio calls out.
“Roguey, come on.” I look back and she is holding the duck’s head and shaking it at me making the most, scary quacking noise, whilst stretching out her hand even further to me, laughing. I quickly run up the stairs and just hope that dog does come out of the front way upstairs, I don’t want to get a snap.
The stair way is dark and dingy, the walls a dark yellow with smudges every where and if the cooker is to go by anything the rest of the house is going to look a right tip. Looking in front of me they turn right into a room. Shoes, clothes outside the room entrance. I walk up and look in the room cautiously. The first thing I see is a massive T.V incased in a dark carved wooden storage, it looks amazing and I know it cost a lot of money. The sofas are a pearly yellow color, the carpet patterned with squares and circles, dark blues and black, yellow spots in-between the square segments. I start to walk in-between the squares like I’m playing a game of chess with my feet. Greyson kneels down in front of the T.V and Rio plods himself on the large sofa to my right. The walls are as white as snow, with amazing ivory and jade carved pictured (I hope the elephants are still alive). “Have you seen Guyver?” Greyson asks pushing a VHS video in to the machine below.
“No, what is it.” Leaning forward placing his head in his hand Rio asks. I sit down in front of the black table filled with images of lots of long headed oriental people with these funny looking hair buns. The fruit in the table look odd as well, odd, but they do look juicy I want one, especially the red looking one and that orange thng that looks like an tomatoes made out of leather.
“It’s about this super man.” Greyson swiftly turns round with excitement
Interrupting the excitement of Greyson “We’ve seen super man, is it your Chinese one?”
“Brushing him off and carrying on Greyson continues. “No, it’s about this boy yeah, who gets this suit yeah and then he has like this bio-booster armor and like yeah, all these baddies try and kill him because, the baddies are like the aliens man, and yeah, they don’t want him to be a cyborg cause that’s what the suit did to him and all his power he can’t control so…”
Rio stands up “We have to go, come Rogue.” Greyson looks at me, those black sharks eyes seemingly turn into to the widening, tear jerking, pussy cat kind of way. Surely he isn’t going to cry. “Rogue we’ve been gone like half an hour and my mum will know we didn’t go just to the shops. Come on, we can go back and carry on…”
“Carry on what? I want to watch that Macguyver thing.”  I look at Greyson’s face and it starts to form a little crease at his mouth.
“But it’s not Mac-Guyver it’s Guyver. I Got Macguyver too wanna see it.” Greyson shoots up to his feet with a little defensive tone to his voice that blends into the sweet sound of ‘Stay’ in his carton girl voice. Had I been dreaming I would have expected rainbow to stat flying from his un-brushed mouth.
Rio grabs me by the hand pulling me up to my feet and whisper with frustration “Hurry up man, or I’m gonna get ground too and when I’m ground you can’t come to mine when your mum wants to come round for tea.” Mum always said she wanted adult conversation time with Aunty Jacky and that he was always at Aunt Leah house. So many secrets.
“Okay, okay, I’m coming.” Shrugging him of me a pass a glance at Greyson. He returns the glance.
“You can come round whenever you want to come out to play.” He projects across the living room as Rio pulls me down the stairs. “Bye!”
“Babyoi!” His mother shouts up at him. Greyson comes rushing pass us on the stairs, closes the baby gate at the bottom, turns left and opens the door where the dogs are. I hold my breath and watch the long shadow turn into a dog as it runs passed and the short fat one scurries on behind. “You can come down now.” He says. Rio says ‘Bye’ to the woman and she grunts English-second-language ‘Bye’ back., I whisper mine, she seems really rude, bitch!

Walking back to Rio’s house, I know that I will have to go to Aunt Cece’s later on I really don’t want to but hey, planning got me into all this mess. But my next plan will work. Aunt Cece will take me to Aunt Geegee’s if I play my cards right and if I play my cards right all hell will be let loose there, well more like heaven.

Rio’s mum didn’t know how long we had been gone for, she went in the bath short after we left and she was still in it. Thank god for that one, now I won’t be in too much trouble. But as we close the door to the front of the house Royley looks down at us from, arms crossed and all. Only time will tell and a short time at that, what he’ll say and do, or even worse make us do. 
Behind our back as we stand next to each other we hold each other's hands and squeeze. 

© 2010 - 2011. All rights reserved N P Rogue Laudat-Scott 'Mind of Rogue' and 'Memoirs of Marbie'

Monday, 14 November 2011

Top 7 Things to do and have when the winter chill sets upon us

Hello Homosapiens, Winter seems to be here almost in the UK, however the weather is all over the place with October and November seeing warm phases... Bi-Marbie-zar! So I have complied a list of my top 7 things I like to see and do in the colder months. Now I'm one of those Omega that will and does walk around in T-shirts and jeans as I will often more time than non, suffer for fashion, you don't have to.

At Number 7:
Bath and shower time

A lot of homosapiens I have spoke to talk about how they love hot baths and loads of bubbles. No sapiens, don't treat your skin so bad. Warm baths are the best thing for your skin as the winter chills, give you skin that harsh slap on the cheek. And not because your all covered up, does this mean this rule does not apply to you. Warm baths and showers with baby oil or essential oils mixed into your routine are fantastic and trust me your skin will love you for not allowing it to get grossly chapped (And I've seen bad chapped feet, especially those dudettes wearing their fuck-me-pumps in night clubs forgetting this one rule)

Do you really want you skin looking like this? Really?

At Number 6:
Moisturise you largest and smallest organs

Just because summer is over does not give you the right to slack off on your body (You work so hard for) and wreak it like the Titanic and then pass of the excuse "I'm just so tired and Christmas is coming. I'll start again in the new year." Your body need moisture no matter what, you did know that your body is 61.8 percent made up of water, so replenish it. Drink as much fluids as you can, WATER included. Don't go and buy those pricey moisturises for you outer body, high street brands do and I mean do work just as well. No one has said I look bad yet (Nor will they dare). Try and get moisturisers with a little SPF in it (I love my SPF) yes there is no obvious sun, but your skin still needs protection from the UVA and UVB rays, plus SPF helps the skin to stay looking younger (My current age is 16 and trust me I'm far gone from there) or add some of your left over Suncream to your daily moisturiser, that will do the trick.

At Number 5:
Add a little more moisture to your air.

Dry air can damage the home, your pets and yes you and your family (My Hubs, Cheatara and Pythonic in my case). If you have central heating the best thing and cheapest thing you can do is place small bowls the size of those bowl thingy-ma-gigs, Ramekins!!! That's what they're called (I'm so blonde at time) , so place these underneath your heater and this will add moisture to you air. If you want to go the more 'Don't want my cat drinking the water' route get warm mist humidifier, they're are great. Not only do they cleanse the air (No bacteria, keeping the lurgies away) they are great for Asthma suffers.

At Number 4:
Vitamins, Minerals, Vitamins 

Stock up on Fruits and vegetables, preferably the seasons best as this cuts cost having to ship from all over the world. Local shops mostly get their produce from within the area or just a few mile off, better to know where you stuff is coming from right. Some Superstore Tes(No-co names) ship produce from all over the world and will oftenly to you telling you your Angus beef is from Scotland when really it was raised and killed in Portugal. Get fisherman's friend for when you have the sniffles, cod liver oil (Not my fav but has to be done) Multi Vitamins to. (Note cold weather does not make you sick, what makes you sick is the un-hygienic homosapiens that don't catch it, bin it, kill it, the virus that is). And although there is no cure for the common cold, you can still try and fight it off my keeping your immune system up to scratch. (A cure to the common cold would also possibly mean a cure for Aids, come scientist!!!)

At Number 3
Don't get Comfortable

"Faye to do you want some Rumpy-pumpy?"
So many times from friends, they say they are in a new realtionship (Don't make me laugh). In my opinion this is how realtionships and seasons work. Summer: The lovers season: Is the time a lot of homosapiens are looking for that someone to have 'Rumby-pumpy' with, in the words of Aaron Allard-Morgan (Big Brother UK 2011) (What a tosser, excuse my Charbieness). Winter: The cuddles season: The time you settle down in theose colder months with that one person you found (Some who have found one out of many). This is where you may let loose. Just because they've seen you chocha on many occasions or played the drum with your stick, that doesn't mean, all that hard work of waxing and shaving should be undone. Fuck i don't want to be seeing no George of the Jungle tangled weeds down there on me, so I expect MY significant other to me trimmed too. Where am I going with this, I'm getting there.
Spring: The break-up season: A lot of so called couples break up just after Valetines (Ironic huh) and then the deadly meat feast cycle begins again, where every one begins to hunt for their next summer wet and wild partner. So don't get comfortable keep it stoom, keep it trimed, keep the body, your temple they way it looked in Summer and you keep that one person. That is of course you want to keep them (Beware the rumors....)

At Number 2
Home Check

Pretty self explanatory, check your furnaces, pipes (No cracks), draft proof you windows and doors if you not so fortunate in having double/triple glazing. Make sure your smoke and Carbon-monoxide dectors are work properly, if not you can always go to you local DIY shop and buy a few or even go to your local Fire station. (Carbon-monoxide is a silent, scentless killer so please look after your homes and selves.

At Number 2.5
Fake tan (my personal fav)
Keeps darker skinned homosapiens look more even skin toned and lighter well tanned.

At Number 1
Don't dress like me

Wrap up warm, but not overly, you can still dehydrate yourself even in winter and if you don't follow tip number six (Drinking plenty of water) Buy a pair of snow boots as you never know what will happen, global warming is now showing us what Scientist said it would. Gloves, scarfs and hats. And Most of all keep having fun, a lot of movies, threate shows and events happen (Cultural and non-cultural) Just because it's winter Life doesn't not stop till summer, you're a homosapiens not a hibernating mammel, but i guess if you want to be then so be it.

Don't forget to check out my Memoirs of Marbie


© 2010 - 2011. All rights reserved N P Rogue Laudat-Scott 'Mind of Rogue' and 'Memoirs of Marbie'

Sunday, 30 October 2011

MEMOIRS OF MARBIE: All Hallow's Eve's DLR (Dirty little rendezvous)

October 31 1990: It's about just after 12 midnight and I''m staring at my bedroom entrance, listening and observing to see if any one is awake down stairs. The darkness is so creepy and the small beams of light coming through my window make the darkness all that more freaky. It's going to be Halloween in the morning and I will have to plead with my mother to go out with Ramona to 'Trick or treat'. The shadows move and sway inviting me to come and play and although I've obliged to the many a times before, tonight is the night where supposedly bad things can happen. I can see the whiteness of the skirting boards just breaking the darkness and I can barely make out the chair and its arm. Laying in my bed, on my belly my arms are holding up my head as they crossed  together under my pillow. I feel scared, but excited and want to have a reason to leave my bed. My mum's bedroom is directly beneath mine so I don't want to come out of bed to heavy, else she'd wake up and stop me from what I am about to do. Looking back towards the door, I slowly stretch out my right leg extending it slowly to the ladder of my bunk bed. Eyes still fixed on the doorway, pushing myself backwards with my arms I glide down my mattress and my left leg now connects to the ladder. My head covered with my duvet, I stop under it hoping once I take it off my mum hasn't miraculously walked up the stairs in silence and is watching me or even worse some sort of scary looking goat (I've always disliked goats and sheep). Swinging my right hand over my head I unveil myself from the duvet, jump down and into the passage, because everyone know the quicker you do things in the dark the safer you are.
I turn on the light switch, and the red glow of the bulb illuminates me (Why my mum chose to have a red light bulb, still bemuses me). I go into the bath room for a sharp object and sitting in the light I pick and prod and my wart on my left hand trying to get it of. The blood begins to flow and I dig in deeper to the roots. Flicking the sharp pointy object my mother uses for her nails, the wart slowly peal back and I pick it off. I hate the thing. I went to bed shortly after.

The morning of Halloween and Ramona has left for school already. I'm dressed as a skeleton and my mum smiles at me, with that same hope she had in her eyes in 'Woolworths' but she seems happy. Meadow is in his pram and I have a sudden urge to slap his peanut shaped face, but don't. I walk to school with my mum, with my plan.
"Hey Rogue, you alright?" Ricard welcomes me and I know from this day we will be some what friends, real friends. He can be part of my plan.
"Yeah." Turning around I wave and say bye to my mum and walk with Ricard to the class room. "Wanna come somewhere with me?" I ask him with my plan all set out. I mean what could go wrong apart from everything going right?
"Where?" he asks me, slowing his pace and looking at me as to know I have something devious in mind.
"We're gonna go to my old school, to Daubeny. And well... I am gonna get my friends to come out and play too." The plan was great, it had no flaws, nothing was going to go wrong. All we have to do is not go into class and be seen my any of the teachers. Wednesday is a maths day, so we won't be in Simba's class. Making my way to the toilets before our class I notice the 'Short wearing teacher' and is stupid looking strapped on glasses. He looks at Ricard and myself but did he notice it was us? Did he even care? Had he said anything I know something would have kicked off again cause my blood has already started to boil.
"How are we gonna get there? To your old school Roe?" sitting on the bench trying to hide in the coats Ricard has no idea of what my plans are. I would have thought someone like him would be more cunning, obviously not.
"We have to walk, I don't get the bus to school any more, so I don't have money" I lied a little. "Well I do but it's for teas at play-centre." I quickly add. Bus fare for children was about 30 pence, I had £1. That meant I had to give up a cake or something, forget that, walking was our best option and was already part of my plan.
"Ok!" He says with some hope lost in his eyes for bus fare. Well it seemed that way.

So after telling Ricard how we were going to get to Daubeny, we waited for all the children and teacher to get to their final destinations for the morning sessions. Still in the toilets we both hide behind the coat. Watching him, the little rat, I tell him to wear someone else's coat and look for a better pair of jeans in the spears basket. He looks like a rugger  muffin and it's not a nice look.
We creep down the stairs and bend down passed the receptionist. Running towards the gates and hear an adult shout. Shit we've been caught. Both of us stop in our tracks and turn around, thank the gods the teacher was shouting out to another child in the play ground Hut classes. Out of the gates we slip, run down the road, cross the zebra crossing and now we have to start walking cool, clam and collected like we're doing nothing wrong.
Now I don't know how I know the way to Daubeny, but like a homing pigeon, crossed bred with a blood hound I sniff my way. Walking passed Ricard's council estate, he tells me to say to any one he may know, that we have been asked to go to the shops for a teacher. No, I had already planned to say the fire alarm had gone off and we had to leave the school, my plans always work. So I stuck to my plan and told him so. The world seems much more larger than what it normally does when I'm out and about with my mother. The builders seem to touch the heaven and all the adults are staring at us. Good thing we don't have a school uniform otherwise we'd be clocked for sure. We had to pass a police station on the way but luckily Ricard knew a back route for us to take so we weren't seen. They would have taken us back to school and for sure I would get the blame. Getting closer to where I need to be with my little follower, we are at the hill that leads down to Daubeny. I begin to run and see Annah's mum walking from the shops.
"Roe what are you doing around here, I thought you had left Daubeny darling?" Although I want to stop and say 'Hi' to Annah's mum I know if I do, I'd risk the chance of telling her my plan and she'd try and stop me. Ricard and I keep running, I tell him who she was and that I miss my old school. He lacks behind.
Getting to the corner of the school, I slow down. The gates are open and I knew this cause the school keeper didn't lock them till after the first 'Play time" for the late comers. Tall old building of mine I wish I had not left, please take me back. So thinking to myself once I get in the school I'll go back to my old class and then hopefully be able to sit down and be with Stewart, Cemal, Jerome and Jags again. We walk passed the school keepers house and a flash memory of me eating ants in the sun washes over me. Ricard stops walking behind me. "Come n you pussy!" I whisper shout at him.
"No, I'm going back." He shouts back at me. Not wanting a teacher to come out and see the both of us there, I run through the toilets where I first saw my first crimson rain and leave him to his own devices. I haven't got time to ponder on his feelings at this point. I just want my Stewart back.

Walking up the dusty smelling corridors and looking at the red border paint that went along the walls, I get excited, so excited a loud 'Ha' escapes my mouth and echos the staircase. I stop, hoping that not a soul had heard. Continuing up the case, I stop at the middle hall to where my class would have been, had I not been transfered. I walk slowly to the door and look through the window, my eyes begin to well up and the tears I don't even want to hold back. I can see them all, all of them in one class and at the front is Stewart. His eyes seemingly soulless look as though the soul really had gone, Cemal smile was now a stern and anger stone worked figure. Jerome is with a boy I don't know and seems to have moved on, Dee and her clone Contentina sharing bubble gum under the table, but where is Jags? The teacher writes on the chalk board with her back towards the class, and although it seems as though she has them under control really, they are sitting being even more rebellious. They aren't even attempting to listen to what she's saying.
"Oh my god, Rogue!, what are you doing here?" Turning around to see a more filled out Jags I gasp and want to through my hands round him, but something seems different, stranger. He's now a stranger to me.
"Erm... I came to visit you lot." I say, knowing that maybe now it was a bad choice to bunk-off off school and risk getting into trouble again.
Looking at me oddly Jags goes on to say "Well we're all in class now. You should of come at break time. Thats why I went..." Being interrupted by voice behind him I look at the tall dark man.
"What are you two doing out of class." The dark man says to us both i look at him and turn my head down to the floor hoping he doesn't realise who I am. "Rogue is it? Didn't you leave last term? Why are you here?" He knows who I am.
"I came to visit." I say in a small voice
"Ok, come with me, lets go say 'Hello' to Mrs Stuffing, the Head Mistress." She wasn't the Head mistress it was Mrs Stygal. I say okay and wave back at Jags. he looks at me with the "Your in trouble eyes" and man was I. He looks like a Big hairy gay guy.

In her office she questions me about my intentions and appreciates that they were good but that I couldn't do such things like leaving school and going to another. She makes a phone call, "We have him here." she said and after hanging up walks towards her door and locks it with a key. Great so there's no chance of me escaping and we're on the second floor. Looking to my left I notice the Mongoose attacking a King Cobra, a stuffed piece I didn't find the slightest amusing.
"Thats disgusting." I mutter.
"What is?" she says to me walking back to her desk and planting her fat arse on the chair.
"That! The snake and Mongoose. How would you like it if I cut your throat and gutted you like a fish and stuffed you up, placing you on some shelf. Maybe one day you'll find out." Clutching onto her chair arms and me leaning towards her I can see she wants to pick up the phone with her hesitant movements. I'm staring at her with daggers, only to notice she is looking down at the floor with concern, only to notice that I have had another episode of loosing myself. The phone is on the floor shattered into pieces.
A knock t the door and she swiftly passes me. seeing the crack in the door as she begins to open it I try to run out calling her a 'Fat Bitch', I see two police officers. Screwed!.
"You have changed so much Rogue Lorday, what has happened?" I don't believe her concern.

Now hand cuffed to the female officer, I'm taken back to my "Hell mouth' of a school. Back to class after an hour or so. Lunch time play, saw the gates being monitored. My actions are now affecting everything and everyone.
"This is Greyson, you know him right?" Ricard introduces me to the cute Oriental boy, wearing his oversized jacket.
"Hi, I got loads of toys. You can come, my house and play with Ricard if you want." Greyson seems friendly enough, I just can't believe Ricard would want me to torture him in the playground if they were friends. If he could do that to Greyson, what could he do to me? Not much with Rio around I'm guessing.
"Yeah sure, I don't mind when?" I ask this little cutie.
"Friday." he smiles and I just think to myself, "Someone need to get this dude a toothbrush", he had that white stuff on the tops of his gums and between his teeth. Maybe he forgot to brush that morning, fuck thats nasty, but he could have bitten into an apple or something. But I can tell we're going to be friends, he seems really nice.

My mother is unimpressed with the days activities and takes me home holding my hand (how embarrassing) walking really fast. Getting home she tells me I'm grounded and I can't even go to Aunt Jacky's house, I have to go to Aunt Ceecee's or Aunt Gee's. They were hard core, they beat me, they beat me hard.
I'm dreading Friday night and that long, depressing ride in the back of a cab. I better get to planning. Wait didn't that get me in all this mess in the first place?

© 2010 - 2011. All rights reserved N P Rogue Laudat-Scott 'Mind of Rogue' and 'Memoirs of Marbie'