Wednesday, 22 December 2010

How to answer the many GAY questions of a child. ???

Hey Homosapiens and what a start to and end of my week before Christmas day (did any of that make sense?)                                                                            Very awkward..... The last two days have been looking after my niece. So she's only just discovered me and my Husband (The fact that she was a witness at our wedding didn't occur to her I guess). So very randomly we are in the living room watching The Nightmare Before Christmas whilst I am doing her hair in little pigtail-afro-puffs (Yeah she is a complete natural un-relaxed hair,  stereotype of the black female of our time, so few these days.) 
She says............. "Does L wear a bra?" To which I look at her in utter bemusement and reply "No C, why would he wear a bra. He, means boy, guy, man and men don't where bras, well not all of us anyway." She looks at herself in the mirror and she is laughing in hysterics and prancing around like some headless fairy in a club. 
"But there has to be a man and a woman init?" She's looking at me with this playful grin so I know she isn't going to be mad a what ever I say, she's just enquiring. So a quick though of how I'm going to answer her, because the tone of her confused voice has said it all. NO ONE HAS SAID A WORD TO THE CHILDREN IN MY FAMILY ABOUT THE MARRIAGE SINCE AND WHAT IT MEANT, especially to the younger ones. So I'm trying my best not to use curse words (we know that's hard for me) take a deep breathe in, look her in the eyes and then.... "Well C, not everyone has to be with... I mean two men can be in love, two women can be in love or a man and woman can be in love. Some people think differently about the two women and the two m..." She interrupts with giggles and a "Erghhhhh! That's narrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrsty, two men. that means you and L are g." I jump right on her like I'm about to pounce on my foe,. "That means what C, we're Gay. Yeah we're gay, something wrong."
She just looking at me laughing and laughing to the extent I think her head is gonna explode from the obvious swelling veins in her neck, her blood pressure looks like it's rocketing. When is she gonna stop I'm thinking. She take a deep inhale to her lungs, deep enough I'm so sure i saw the particles in the air get suck in by her vacuum, "Your, your, g, g, your gay?" And so starts the laughter again. Yeah I can't believe that although she probably doesn't mean any thing with her enquires but I can't help but feel so small. I'm being bullied by a fucking, laughing, child maniac. And what's worse is that I have no way in hell to stop the deafening laughing. Or do I. I just remember this little bitch is scared of animals. I have two, I have two of which I know this little princess wanna-be is totally scared of. so.... "C! Sit down before I take the snake out or sit Cheatara down next to you." She immediatley looks at me swing her hips round like she's some pussycatdoll, stops laughing and quickly sits down on the sofa. Ahhh so sweet her little legs can't touch the ground as she adjusts herself back into a comfortable sitting stance. So I tell her,  "Wait there, I'm going to get something", she scream "Nooo...." then laughs again. I comfort her with my words, "C I'm just going to get the wedding album, remeber you were there and I have photos to show you."
"Oh, oh." she giggles and sits back down. 
So we're looking through the photo album and she's smiling and she's telling  me all the names of the people she recognises and also telling me some of their business I'm sure she wasn't supposed to hear. But I play coy and don't react. We get to some of L's family and she's asking me why all of them are either mixed race or white. I just have to tell her that some people like to have brown babies and some don't (So wrong I know but I didn't put it in those words, fuck sake, give me the benefit of the doubt.) She's smiling.... she huffs as if she's bored. "So does L sleep in your bed?" Once again i'm in that state where I'm thinking what do i say. I mean, I talk my mind freely to everyone else can i really do it with a child. Yes!!
"Yes C, he does sleep in my bed. Just like your dad sleeps in your mom's bed. It's love init."
"she begins that horrendous noise of gleeful laughter again and through it, "That's narrrrrrrrrrsty. any way my dad doesn't sleep in mommies bed he don't live with us." I respond "Haha." Now why would I want to taunt a child?. Oh that's why, the reason behind my little taunt, I know she just won't get is because earlier on she made me feel like an insect. A small and pathetic insect. 
Any way she seems fine with it, even if no one has spoke to her about our relationship. I mean maybe they thought she already knew, or that it didn't need explaining. In their defence I don't think it does need explaining. I mean in this day and age, if you ain't got a Gay uncle or three lesbian aunts, gay parents...... your practically a no-body. I'm really glad she asked. So know when i have my own children with my husband (One day for fuck sake , one day in the future please) I will be able to explain what being gay isn't, not what it is. It's just the whole where's my mom, question I will find a bit of a "Fuck L what do we say now?!?!" 

It's not that hard I guess to explain to an 8 year old, inquisitive girl. And I'm not sure if my story will ever help anyone in the position I was left in, to answer the same question. I just had to get this down permanently, so that I can read it to her in the years where she's able to understand a little bit more. I hope I'm a good uncle to her. I mean I named the Brat and love her to bits. I don't ever wanna loose her love or any of that of my brothers and other family members. I'm so glad I didn't have to come out as such, or even get bullied in school. I have been truly blessed by the gods above and privileged also to have lived a life not containing Gay-hatred. I'm so sorry for those that have and I'm so sorry for the lives in  which the world has lost because of these troubles. If your reading this follow the Facebook groups out there but clicking the coloured writing

So thats me for now and I planning to quiz my brothers about the whole gay thing. They're coming up to their teens. 

Marbie Rogue Scott

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Sunday, 19 December 2010

Unintentional writings from Marbie

Hello Homosapiens, It's Marbie (Rogue) again
So just thought let loose , and ramble and see what comes up. Like the liking of the sounds of words and not hearing what they mean but the tune they make as they tremble through your throat and pass your tonsils landing on your tongue to be ejected from you mouth.
I ramble and you do too, sense is not any sense unless sense can make sense to you, is this not true?
In most cases Marbie, that is me must seem out of the loop and not at all serious about anything. Well everything shouldn't be. 

Just thought, how pissed I am that i had started a piece a few days ago, just for my two hours of work not to be backed up and now is lost for all eternity. It was a good piece and although is was an unintentional writing it had so much intention.

The only Cute black Santa I could find.
Santa Claus, Father Christmas(yes the time is upon us now). But children really do say the funniest things. I guess it's official like everything else White skin is concurring once again. i say this just because, some children I know went to see Father Christmas and he was Black. HUH! Shock horror he was Black. they were so scared to walk towards him and some didn't even enter the little grotto (Hate that word it sounds so glum). They all left saying "I want to see the other Father Christmas, the white one." So Ok I guess if it were me and I saw some obese black guy all dressed in (Original colours, Green and Brown with some red) a Red suit with white trimmings coming down my chimney I would beat the crap out of him if I could, call the police and ask myself, "Who let this fucking nigga, out of Homerton hospital and allow him to climb and scale buildings?" I see how it can be a bit racist but when an image has been force fed into ones head, from birth, it's hard to fault the individual (I find it so fucking racist that the only pictures you see of Black Santa, are very scary to look at or are smoking pot or look as if they are going to kill you. Google needs to fix up as does the world). Jesus, some beg to say he was  (Pale) white, tall, handsome and shoulder length ed brown wavy hair.... Now In Africa or in the warmer countries, others fail to believe that he could be pale white and would have to have some colour, at least an olive tone if not Black. Yet again this shows that White skin has ruled over.
Who is the most powerful person in the world? My suggestion is for you to start looking at children books and toys. (I don't want to intentionally go here but I have Unintentionally got here so i will continue) The White Male is the most powerful person that we see and think of in the world. Fact is (Fact from where I come from and where you too may come from) all we see from birth till the time parents and children are able to seek out their own truths (ramble ramble) We see Bob the Builder (White), He-man (White) Dallas (White people) Disney at the beginning (White) UK television as this is where I am situated (White). The only Ethnic Group that dominates is the one that lives in the home your in. No where else.
Ethnic group? I love the way that there is White and then other Ethnic groups... Ethnic as a word to describe people who are not at all Caucasian (DUH!!! and more Ramble)
Boring now. (I may be wrong in saying what I say, but go into an area full of DIFFERING races, they will probably say it means the same thing too. Although me Know it means a group of people including Caucasians not excluding them.)

The snow in London is thick like the first time a boy ejaculates for the first time in his teenage years (sorry i had to put it like that but it's true and its there)
It has ruined all of my plans as yet but it has made me think, i should invest in clothes that cover they lengths of my arms and are at least more than 2mm thick. Well i like looking out of my window at times like this. They/it, reminds me of going to my Grand parent's home, North of London and having the best Christmas holidays ever. As time went on and they passed on Christmas became for me and not just me but for the world, a Big shopping spree of who will get the most grand gifts and the mosh lavish foods. I pray for the Christmas where it's simply family and good spirits again. This being a Christian country (not over run) over run with so many different religions now. Christmas is no longer that Religious time in my eyes as every, Hindu, Muslim, Pagen (That's me), Wiccan (Me again) non-believers celebrate the time. Doesn't seem very religious to me (unintentional writings can have so many intentions it's sick).
Snow layers under my window, seeing starving foxes, rummage through the bins. I want to feed them but Gods forbid they (yes Gods not god), That they attack another set of twins resting in their cots in a well populated area full of criminals and mentally unstable escapees from local hospitals, whilst having the back garden door wide open with BBQ cooling in the kitchen saying "Come and have a Buffet, why don't you? we invite the lovely world in." (Am I cynical? nah not me. I Marbie.)


I love my Pythonic Fireayra (Py-thon-ick Fi-air-ra) 

 She is too cute.

And then there is my beautiful pussy, Cheatara that friends and family mistake for a kitten and shes like 7 human years old. (Unfortunately due to my fucking APPLE MAC being beaten by the crashing monster, I now have lost her photographs and looking on my external drive is just too long to do)

How Free is speech these days amongst friends? I Got told a few hours ago that I offend people with some of the things I have opinions on. Well... If that is not a shock to me.
I understand that my unintentional rant about black vs white Santa may piss some people off (BECAUSE SANTA IS DEFIANTLY WHITE EVEN THOUGH HE DOESN'T EXISTS)(So they say) and me talking and enquiring about different religions but I'm not physically hurting any one. Mental maybe I am. But the way I see it, if your weak and pathetic enough to my scorned and burnt by my words then you really need to find another Biracial Marbie to fucking chat to. I'm not here to please any one in life but myself. Yes i have Family and Friends but my aim in life for them is to tell them the truth from my point of view not sugar coat my words with sprinkles and shit so they feel better about themselves.... Nah that's not me. Straight up I' ll tell you the truth when I see fit to, or I won't say anything at all. It's like saying "Nigga" (No it's not another rant of race but a point I'm going to make) If your not brave enough, honest enough, know where your coming from or just can't say the word in general like "Why do Black people say nigga?" opposed to "Why do black people use the N-word?" then maybe you shouldn't say it in your homes or in private, whispering conversations. I love when people say what they think. I have a friend who is not coloured in any sense (Did I just use the C word?) yet when we talk, he freely uses the word nigga and not as a derogatory way, but uses it as part of his vocabulary here and there like the words, CUNT and FUCK. Expression of words is what the human race does, so don't try and hold me back in the primordial soup of keep my mouth shut because you got offended Fuck that shit and fuck you.

This has become so intentional it's unintentionally becoming more focused. So as I've said in the past I want Christmas to come and go as quick as a middle aged premature ejaculater (I see a trend going on here, but seriously now as the time is closing on us like a claustrophobic in a unstable store room for Trainers in a run down JD sports, I really want Christmas to take hold of me and ride me as long as it could just like my husband does. This Christmas Came hard and at the moment my tree has only just got one fifth of the presents it needs to have under it. I have barely done all my shopping and still need to get like 5 people those special, jokey and sentimental gifts. DAMN!(Ramble ramble and I'm so warm in my dressing gown and socks)
Two large Cheddar cheeses
Two cups of plain flour
Finely chopped Onion
3 tablespoons of Black pepper
1 table spoon of chili powder
700g of dry macaroni
Some salt for taste
Sure I can do better than this. But it still looks nice as a Sunday dinner.

And the rest is simple. Can't wait to make my Macaroni Cheese for Christmas, ooh the fried chicken and Turkey, Lobster and Salmon with cranberry dressing. sage and onion stuffing, chestnut stuffing, roast potatoes, pumpkin pie, truffles, mince pies, vodka, rum, Stella. Damn i can go on but from Friday the 24th December I'm gonna be eating stakes full till the last party of the year.

Until next time Homosapiens, Rogue Marbie Scott will have a good one (Can't belive I'm such a  cunting flake, I'm doing Christmas this year) And hope you have a great one too.


(PS not all the black Santa's are scary, they have just been duplicated.)

Sunday, 21 November 2010

Old MAC (Donald)

After a few weeks of suffering a slow Mac, it decides it wants to break down on me. For fuck sake can things get any worse. Had to take it in to the Apple store last night. Well my husband did any way while i was drinking the night away with Gambit/

Speaking of Gambit. Although we have been chatting for a while it seems a bit blah blah, our relationship that is. I felt some what uncomfortable and didn't really know what to say. Due to the circumstances and the time that had passed it is understandable though.

(Anti)Christmas is just round the corner and although I haven't changed my mind about what is to come I am now looking forward to the people I shall be spending the dreaded commercial time with.

I'm thinking of child friendly writing.

Thursday, 11 November 2010

The way Life is boring me.

Just thought to myself the many times I have left my house and got to the end of the street and thought "How the fuck did I just get here?". it's like the life I'm living is boring me so much that my body and mind are on auto pilot and when there no need for thought, thought just does not occur. 

I have been reffered to as a walking doll (No lie) and an axe murderer when I have a more stern face on when traveling the streets of London. Damn sometimes, I just feel like life as I know it is missing something, something tiny, something youthful. My FOY

Wednesday, 10 November 2010

Hair isn't always everything, get over it Blkflk!

So since I cut all my curls off and started just recenlty to re grow my hair without any colourings. A lot of people have been commiting on how my hair looks relax and to Black (Jet) to be natural. My fault no... my Mom and fathers fault for having a biracial child, like duh it happens. And a superfical this may sound, it really is annoying being dark skin, biracial and having fucking twats of African, Carribbean decent manily question what chemicals I put in my hair. Shappo and water Hater-homosapiens. Now get your nikes, on your bikes and keep on pedeling to some one else who has the fucking patience to answer your ignorrant fucking questions. The end! till  later on that is. Love ya Homosapiens!!! xx

Thursday, 23 September 2010

I need tea in my life.

So this week, I have been waking up dangerously close to my work starting times..... I guess Marbie as you know me is not getting enough shut-eye. Plonk on the teabags and lets hope I can can my youthful look for the week end. Chemicals are bad and all we need is a good brew of green and balck tea.

Sunday, 12 September 2010

In the coming (Count down)

So glad now that I have no massive celebrations for a while now, meaning yeap you got it christams is coming.
So for a minute in the UK alone what has Christmas become in the last 20 years. A sham, a reason to gain riches from the poor and the rich to become even more richer. Economical exploits!
I'm not to sure why I still celebrate this fad of a celebration, but I know it's not how it used to be, for me in this subject.

I remember going to my garnd Parents up in the Country with my Mom, sister and younger brother. Up until they passed on and went where? Heaven apparently.
My partener love christmas and although we have no children of our own yet, he still insists on having a fucking plastic tree in a corner of the room, with presents and sweets hanging and laying under it. fairy lights are a fucking hazzard and trees in homes just look stupid. i remember i did have one AntiChristmas, the year of the Tsunami (2008). I proudly hung my plastic tree from my cealing light outlet and thought to myself "Christmas is ghoing to be ruined for a alot of people this year. It sure has been ruined for me many years pasted."

An example, mine had no deco.
I just felt that year, well I was so low that I wasn't working and friends I thought were friends had betrayed my trust. I was in a way feeling sorry for my self. However i had just recently moved into a new apartment which was lush (Before a lodger wrecked it, having me move to the lovely area of where i'm at now). So Chritmas this yeatr will not be filled with, Nintendo Wiis and Turkey with all the trimmings or even those stupid lil decoration familites love to hang up.

Why is Christmas in such a diversely cultural Country still the number one celebration any way. What happened to Eid, Hanukkah, Diwalli, Chienese New Year and all the rest in which i can't name right now or know of, my bad. Yes it's a christian country or what it used to be. But in this day and age we shout out loud diversity yet don't celebrate equality. I'm no matyr for the world and the people and for hell as sure I ain't putting my life on the line for anyone, like that supposedly caucasian man whom rose from the ashes and walked on water. My life is mine to live for not to die for those who want more.  And to fight still on the diversity front, equal opportunities is a "Big Must" in the UK yet, you barely see any equality going n any where. In the last 20 years I have seen less and less, Black, White and Orientals run corner shops, all the fastfood joints, seem to be all run my Asian folk who give false hope to the Muslims only eating Halal meats (because every good Muslim know that meat has to be HMC approved (Halal monitoring commitee) or Killed and blessed freshly, not killed already, bought from tesco then blessed thats stupid and defeats the purpose.
Supermarkets are full of ethnic (Majority lets get that straight). Enough of this race shit it's doingmy fucking head in and what i really probably need right now is to get laid, and get laid good.

So back on the topic of me having a personal and worldy count down. I can't wait for for Christmas to come and "BE GONE" for another year. so Glad it's once a year and not more than once like EID it would do my head in. (Happy Eid to all my lovley Muslim friends and family I love you all)

What is to come? I've heard that BIG BROTHER may be making a comeback, not so much of a comeback cause it's not been gone for years but.... it's said to have been picked up by channel 5 (UK). I want to audtion if the rumors around the net are true.
Big Brother could be watching me.

I so want to buy a Chaise before the end of October as well. I was going to make the purchase this month, however I over spent on things that only needs apply to the gay over 18s society, shoes and make up. I have no hair now so I have to replace the spending money on it on something else.

Playstation move for me or not to move me?
For months on end since the dawn of this year I have been speculating like the rest of the gaming world, as such weather or not I intend on getting the new revolutionary Wii inspired, Playstation move for the Playstation3 and Kinetic for the Xbox 360. yes I love to play console hardcore and softcore games in the land of my Rogueish-camped out-fabulis world.
Xbox 360's Kinetic

Playstation 3's Playstation move controller
Do I drain my pockets on the Kinetic that could buy me a weeks worth of grocerys or to I take the cheap path and get the Move which will probably need some updating in the future like the Wii controller did when Nintendo brought out the Wii plus remote due to unreliable sensor pick-up?
My Partner sees me getting the both. And as I'm a spoilt bitch I take it I will be getting both. but not before.... Did you hear the Eastenders duffduffs? CHRISTMAS. He's mean like that. Why not get it myself? Well i like to save my money for my looks and food to restore my looks. Plenty of Omega 3, barrels of Booze and daily fags (the ones you light with a flame and inhale and exhale smoke) keeps wrinkles away as well as the chubby monkey. By no means am I saying this will work for you, I have a genetic make-up that protects me and a regime that I follw. Okay so I'll get both and will inform you soon.

Tuesday, 31 August 2010

Second in Seventh

Seven year have almost pasted by and yet it feels like none have. Every time I whisper to myself "I'm married", it strikes me down on my knees it's been a while. It still feels as if the love is fresh like a dasiy or the sweet gentle smell of laundry on a warm spring's day. "I'm in love" I tell the winds every day.

Now what i don't get and what I really hate to think of is Divorce. Some couples feel the blade of divorce a long way into their marriages and some aren't so fortunate, they feel it way before they have even become wed.
Now those that feel the shape and corruptive blade of divorce before they've wed, before you've wed. I need to ask one question. "Why did you let it get so far to even say YES?".
So glad I own all mine!

Things are different, in different lives, in different minds and souls, and in different backgrounds, but to live in hell, in what it may seem like to be laying in bed with someone you truley dont love any more. Must have some effect on you mentally. Or if it is not you not, not in love, but your spouse, did you not see the signs? What are the signs? Could someone tell me? So that if I dwel in a spell of time and confusion I will know what to do to stop the pollution in my marriage.

Just had a thought in order for there to be any divorce some one has to make their mind up. It's not something you would JUST do.

I can not wait for the day to be the day that i stand up tall and say they we have been togther for 10 years to the day on that wonderous day. Not that I expect to only bee married for 10 years but that is a long time to be married in my eyes. And in the eyes of mine I mean I've only known one truely married couple, the others just seem to be together and bare no rings. Not that no rings means, no marriage but hey I'm allowed to assume like the best of us do.
Have the married in "air quotes" people I know (that dont have rings or papers) act as if they hate each other. I never see them laugh, or touch or anything. It always seem it's a hassle for them.

Well to get of this depressing subject I'm going to do something for my loved one, that they will not expect from me today.
2nd in 7th.
One for the boys
Something for the girls