Hey Homosapiens and what a start to and end of my week before Christmas day (did any of that make sense?) Very awkward..... The last two days have been looking after my niece. So she's only just discovered me and my Husband (The fact that she was a witness at our wedding didn't occur to her I guess). So very randomly we are in the living room watching The Nightmare Before Christmas whilst I am doing her hair in little pigtail-afro-puffs (Yeah she is a complete natural un-relaxed hair, stereotype of the black female of our time, so few these days.)
She says............. "Does L wear a bra?" To which I look at her in utter bemusement and reply "No C, why would he wear a bra. He, means boy, guy, man and men don't where bras, well not all of us anyway." She looks at herself in the mirror and she is laughing in hysterics and prancing around like some headless fairy in a club.
"But there has to be a man and a woman init?" She's looking at me with this playful grin so I know she isn't going to be mad a what ever I say, she's just enquiring. So a quick though of how I'm going to answer her, because the tone of her confused voice has said it all. NO ONE HAS SAID A WORD TO THE CHILDREN IN MY FAMILY ABOUT THE MARRIAGE SINCE AND WHAT IT MEANT, especially to the younger ones. So I'm trying my best not to use curse words (we know that's hard for me) take a deep breathe in, look her in the eyes and then.... "Well C, not everyone has to be with... I mean two men can be in love, two women can be in love or a man and woman can be in love. Some people think differently about the two women and the two m..." She interrupts with giggles and a "Erghhhhh! That's narrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrsty, two men. that means you and L are g." I jump right on her like I'm about to pounce on my foe,. "That means what C, we're Gay. Yeah we're gay, something wrong."
She just looking at me laughing and laughing to the extent I think her head is gonna explode from the obvious swelling veins in her neck, her blood pressure looks like it's rocketing. When is she gonna stop I'm thinking. She take a deep inhale to her lungs, deep enough I'm so sure i saw the particles in the air get suck in by her vacuum, "Your, your, g, g, your gay?" And so starts the laughter again. Yeah I can't believe that although she probably doesn't mean any thing with her enquires but I can't help but feel so small. I'm being bullied by a fucking, laughing, child maniac. And what's worse is that I have no way in hell to stop the deafening laughing. Or do I. I just remember this little bitch is scared of animals. I have two, I have two of which I know this little princess wanna-be is totally scared of. so.... "C! Sit down before I take the snake out or sit Cheatara down next to you." She immediatley looks at me swing her hips round like she's some pussycatdoll, stops laughing and quickly sits down on the sofa. Ahhh so sweet her little legs can't touch the ground as she adjusts herself back into a comfortable sitting stance. So I tell her, "Wait there, I'm going to get something", she scream "Nooo...." then laughs again. I comfort her with my words, "C I'm just going to get the wedding album, remeber you were there and I have photos to show you."
"Oh, oh." she giggles and sits back down.
So we're looking through the photo album and she's smiling and she's telling me all the names of the people she recognises and also telling me some of their business I'm sure she wasn't supposed to hear. But I play coy and don't react. We get to some of L's family and she's asking me why all of them are either mixed race or white. I just have to tell her that some people like to have brown babies and some don't (So wrong I know but I didn't put it in those words, fuck sake, give me the benefit of the doubt.) She's smiling.... she huffs as if she's bored. "So does L sleep in your bed?" Once again i'm in that state where I'm thinking what do i say. I mean, I talk my mind freely to everyone else can i really do it with a child. Yes!!
"Yes C, he does sleep in my bed. Just like your dad sleeps in your mom's bed. It's love init."
"she begins that horrendous noise of gleeful laughter again and through it, "That's narrrrrrrrrrsty. any way my dad doesn't sleep in mommies bed he don't live with us." I respond "Haha." Now why would I want to taunt a child?. Oh that's why, the reason behind my little taunt, I know she just won't get is because earlier on she made me feel like an insect. A small and pathetic insect.
Any way she seems fine with it, even if no one has spoke to her about our relationship. I mean maybe they thought she already knew, or that it didn't need explaining. In their defence I don't think it does need explaining. I mean in this day and age, if you ain't got a Gay uncle or three lesbian aunts, gay parents...... your practically a no-body. I'm really glad she asked. So know when i have my own children with my husband (One day for fuck sake , one day in the future please) I will be able to explain what being gay isn't, not what it is. It's just the whole where's my mom, question I will find a bit of a "Fuck L what do we say now?!?!"
It's not that hard I guess to explain to an 8 year old, inquisitive girl. And I'm not sure if my story will ever help anyone in the position I was left in, to answer the same question. I just had to get this down permanently, so that I can read it to her in the years where she's able to understand a little bit more. I hope I'm a good uncle to her. I mean I named the Brat and love her to bits. I don't ever wanna loose her love or any of that of my brothers and other family members. I'm so glad I didn't have to come out as such, or even get bullied in school. I have been truly blessed by the gods above and privileged also to have lived a life not containing Gay-hatred. I'm so sorry for those that have and I'm so sorry for the lives in which the world has lost because of these troubles. If your reading this follow the Facebook groups out there but clicking the coloured writing.
So thats me for now and I planning to quiz my brothers about the whole gay thing. They're coming up to their teens.
Marbie Rogue Scott
(Don't forget to tick a rating box or if your signed in leave a comment, if you got any)