Memoirs of Marbie: Adults, Secrets and Lies

October 1993: A storm is coming, the nights are stirring with uneasy thoughts. She is up to something again I have a slight incline into what is going on, but still do not know the true extent of the going-on’s power. I think this battle I am going to loose.

My mum and the rest of us have been visiting my Aunt Claudine quite a bit now, not to mention Aunt Claudine’s evil twisted mother Aunt Vava and her subdued sister Aunt Jujube. The elders I never knew up until now, the family I craved for so many year has turned out to be a family I don’ want after all. You see my mother never, ever mentioned these family members and I had only meet Aunt Jujube, my Granny’s sister a couple of time when I was much younger. But this new link of blood has me wishing and dreaming Madonna will soon come and take me away and wash away my sorrows, they are I’m sure of part of some cult or even worse the founders of the Occult. Three sisters spilt through marriage, my Gran, Aunt Jujube and Aunt Vava. What strikes me is that my granny has lives all the way up north, hours away from us here in London, but the other two sister stuck side by side even in their marriages and lived in London also, West London. My family lives in East London, did my mother seek refuge elsewhere or is this merely a coincidence, I mean like I said she never spoke of them.

A family affair

{I have recollection of this picture, probably because I'm so young in it. The Woman standing up is my Gran, me in the dark on the left and Ramona sitting on our Mum's lap. The grinning lady, not a clue who she is,the guy hiding his face behind the baby girl, Uncle Clive. Oh that's right the grinning lady is one of the many women Uncle Clive has impregnated. The rest of the children are my Occult cousins, two from him and two from his twin, Uncle Rol, twins run in the family.}

Children of the corn

{Uncle Rol, the Occult cousins and you see that little brillo pad headed child who looks like he's screaming? That's Mike}

Rest aside what I think of this family for now, I have become really fond of my new found second cousins Mike and Tanny, they are adorable and sneaky just like I am however, I think their upbringing is slightly odd. The way they speak, the structuring and wording of their sentences are almost lay hand in hand with the language a Herculean would use, what Ramona uses, no not even her age slightly older. Sitting on his bed with my walkman in my lap and Tanny prancing around the tightly spaced room me and Mike talk about our schools until he swiftly changes subject as swiftly as my mother decided she loved the company of the new family.

“Roguey, have you ever been to Dominica before?”  he asks me.

“No, what’s that, where is it?” I still question people with a little puppy dog head cocking to the side.

“Oh…” he pauses ever so briefly looking down at the darkly patterned, old fashioned carpet I have only ever seen in like, old people’s homes. “It’s a different country, where you and…” The brushing sound of the door opening stops his trail of thought and his mother walks in. Telling us that we are now to go to the living room for dinner. “I’ll tell you later.” He says walking out the door. Just looking around his shared bedroom I feel sick with Closter phobia like symptoms. Two single beds, two windows, one large very used wardrobe, not much space really to move around the beds it’s better to just climb over them, chest of drawers to the right of everything where the bedroom door is, one hard push and you can lock your self in the room and a good way to escape the many beatings I get from my mum, I did think once that he had arrange his room in this fashion for a purpose but the size of the room really decided for him where things were to be place. Mikes is smart, but not that smart, just a couple of month younger than me and yet when he speaks I feel like I have to listen to his dry elbowed, never seen coco butter, bad crocked teeth and brillo pad hair self, but I love him, he’s my cousin, my of the Occult cousin that is.

Sitting and the dining table in the living room partitioned off by sofas for where they sit ever so lovingly together by the gas burning heater on cold winters nights, Aunt Claudine and her children that is, like where is the white central heating heaters? There aren’t any, really can they be that not with the times? How do they keep warm in their beds? Too many questions I really don’t care about right now living like this would break me, I’m glad my mum loves me enough to have sense and money to live where we live. She did always say to me “There are children out there worse off than you.” Boy do I believe her now, I haven’t even seen Tanny play with any sort of child toy yet the only thing that consumes her time is brushing her long nappy hair, maybe that is a toy for her oh well.  

Pushing my peas around in this watery substance Aunt Claudine dare calls gravy Mikes whispers “It’s where they take you to beat you.” I have no idea what he is talking about but I’m sure he is going to tell me later. Looking up from my plate seeing the glow from the fireplace on Ramona’s face as she sits on the end of the sofa, Meadow and Tanny are occupied in some stupid non-toy play and my mother and Aunt Claudine are speaking and laughing till her face begins to frown.

“No Claudine, no word of a lie, his face went blank, he walked over to the snooker table, picked up the ball and dashed it at the tv. Now you know that Jujube has a big tv.” My mother leans in to her and Aunt Claudine slaps her left arm down on the back of the sofa resting it and leaning forward to say “Yes I remember she had a tv in her family room, what you mean?” she says recognition on what my mother is about to say.

“Yes Rogue did it he broke the tv, which is why now when we go to Michael and her’s, he is not allowed to watch tv, or even go into the family room. She thinks he’s possessed.” There she goes again, my mother telling of yet another story of something terrible I have done, in the past that she has been so embarrassed about. Far as I am concerned, the snooker ball simply slipped out my hand while I was playing catch with it. What else was I supposed to do in a house full of adults and Ramona, plastered with freaking fugly doilies everywhere.

Changing their subject onto something that I am not yet the focus of Aunt Claudine says to mum “Mike is sometimes the same.” He shoot up to listen like a guard dog at the gates “But I have had to tell Tanny she is going to Mcdonald’s, a special Mcdonald’s” Now we all know Mcdonald’s is a special kind of treat, but a special Mcdonald’s, why the hell does Tanny get that? She’s far from special.

“Can I go too?” I quickly ask “Go to the special Mcdonald’s?” They both turn around like a secret has be unveiled yet still having to keep their cool.

“Oh you are Rogue, you are.” Mike says with a smerk, before his mother get the chance to tell him to shut up. 


© 2010 - 2012. All rights reserved N P Rogue Laudat-Scott 'Mind of Rogue' and 'Memoirs of Marbie'

MEMOIRS OF MARBIE: Grey's Anatomy (Part 1)

November 1990:  I know I’m going to get into so much trouble for even thinking it, let alone physically doing it. I’m going to go to Greyson’s house.  It’s Friday and after school my mum has to work a little later today so I’m told that Aunt Jacky would be picking me up after play-centre. Rio doesn’t go to play centre so I see no reason why today of all days I have to. I could go home with him and wait for my mum to collect me to go to the dreaded Aunt Cece’s or even better Aunt Geegee.

Name: Aunt Cece

Sex: Adult female

Description: Short, beautiful black woman. Always in the newest fashions and sometimes seems as though she could be making up her own fashions as she goes along. Short hair that was straight (Probably from a hot comb). She had that beauty that everyone wanted, I noticed this cause men always paid her attention when she took my cousins and me out. She, always used to keep walking, she was rude like that. She never spoke a word to any of them. Maybe she likes girls.

She has A Daughter a few years younger than me, Christella. Aunty Cece was one of my dreaded Aunts, for the fact that she had a wicked temper on her. If you stepped out of line, you were bound to get punished. I remember one time Christella and I were in her bedroom playing with her dolls and horses.. One of the horses were those horses with long hair (Not ‘My little Pony), a new brand of toy that all the girls wanted and so did I. I loved anything to do with horses. The horses hair was plaited and I asked Christella if she wanted it that way, cause to me it looked stupid. She said no, and that her mum had done it. The smell of the white cigarette and that smelly brown barl and dried flowers was in the air, Aunt Cece was laughing downstairs. I began to undo the doll horses hair and as I got to the last few braids the growl of a angry woman scratch my neck, “What the fuck do you think you’re doing? That took me bloody hours to do and you’ve gone and undone it in a matter of minutes pass me the fucking horses.” Enraged and me feeling scared I passed the horse to her in the doorway and scurried into the corner of the room. “Idiot” she continued. As I sat in the corner with my knees up to my chest and my arms tightly wrapped round them I lowered my head in shame and in fright. Had she been a monster or something of the sort in a nightmare (My nightmares were mostly of dying fish in a kitchen sink) her eyes would have turned different colors, her teeth would have sharpened and out grown her mouth, her hair would of stretched o the clouds becoming as black as tar and I would be dead within minutes. But no, she threw the horse on my head and I swear the coco I got in the middle stayed there for weeks.

Aunt Cece wasn’t all that bad, she used to take me to fair-grounds and parties all the time. She even said I could say the word shit, because shit is just another word for dog poo. She taught me a lot if not only to have fear in my heart from my elders. She was the Aunt though I felt much love for and would tell her things I didn’t want to tell my mum directly. She was able to translate my inner feelings to my mum.

At Rio’s house, Rio asks his mum if we can go to the corner shop to get penny sweets for after dinner. She allows use to.

“Where does Greyson live?, you said he lived near you.” Stroking his ear as we walk down the round with our arms over each other’s shoulders.

“He lives down there and stop that, not now.” Pointing down the road behind us I smile and begin to plot.

“Ok lets go there before we go back home.” Not thinking that if we go I might not want to go back to his house and also we’d be a long time. Long enough for Aunt Jacky to know that we were up to no good.

“Yeah.” Shrugging me off him as we enter the shop. I stand outside waiting for him looking down the long road, hoping it’s not too far to Greyson’s, I hated going into shops they were always so filled with things and people, so enclosed. Coming out of the shop Rio begins to walk down the road, he doesn’t say where he’s going but I just assume it’s to where I want to go. Passing a building on my left, I notice that it my old nursery I went to with that white lady, on my right across the road there’s a pub,, a pub full of people. I never understood why it was only white people in pubs and maybe, just maybe you’d see one really, really dark black person that acted white. Anyway I’m just filing this all in my memory bank for when I want to go to, if I go to Greyson’s house alone. We cross the road and Rio says that Greyson’s house is just in front of us, I am excited and want to see what the inside of his house is like. I wondered if he had lots of Bruce Lee and other Oriental things in his house like dragons and chopsticks. Opening the gate to Greayson’s house I noticed that at the end of the road is where my road is, then looking back to the house I notice two dogs in the windowed porch and his front door wide open, I can see a woman chopping something on the floor. The larger dog of the two, begins to bark wild, bearing its teeth, savage as hell, I’m scared. Rio presses the doorbell seemingly un-phased (Like the woman can’t hear her dog barking). “Is Greyson there?” he asked the short pretty lady, with wet hands, kicking the brute barking dog to one side.

“No, outside. Babyoi!!!!!” She screams out cocking her head to the corner of the house Babyoi, who is Babyoi?

“Thanks” Rio replies and turns around looking at me with a grin. As she closes the door he begins to laugh and the dog once again begins to bark at us. “She can’t speak much English, they’re Chinese” (Erm, because Chinese people can’t speak English? Idiot). I notice where the dogs are the door on my left it reminds me of something.

Leaving through the gates, Rio turns left round to the back of the houses me following still hearing the screams in my head I spot the young oriental Greyson wearing that same hideous purple jacket with a long stick in his hands. Thrashing at the walls and floor, twirling around, kicking into the air like he is one of the badly dubbed martial arts actors I’ve seen on video, I only notice that it’s a broken broom stick and the awkward movements he makes appears to be unintentional. He has no clue what he’s doing spiraling out of control like a misguided whirlwind from the heavens, and his purple jacket rising up above his waistline, seeing his skinny, even more so skinny of a body than mine, Rio runs up to him as I stop just feet away.

“Oi Greyson, we came out to play for a little bit, but we have to go back soon. Rogue is in trouble.” Gripping Greyson’s shoulder he turns to me as he speaks, Greyson looks at me and I am ready for the badly dubbed voice to come out. At my feet the large stone path is littered with crips packets and dried, white dog shit. Who knew that dog shit would turn white, or maybe there was something wrong with the dog that laid it’s messy for all to see. Greyson begins to speak, the long nail sounds begin to repeat, but then I look up at him and look into his black, shark-like, hooded eyes. His skin, although dirty from goodness knows what was a nice complexion, slightly dark than Georgie’s skin, digestive biscuit looking with hues of yellow, but the dirty marks on his face just shouted out ‘Damn this boy needs a wash’. Its not as though he looked like that in school, well I could really tell that, I always saw him from a distance or in the dungeon toilets.

“Hiya, you wanna come in?” Greyson holds onto Rio’s hand on his left shoulder and he begins to walk round the house going another left. His voice is very soft and high, he sound like one of those Chinese little girls, where is the bass in his voice? Into the back garden gate that was his, I follow across the well, paved ground and look at those ugly clothes racks that look like umbrellas (so common). He opens his back garden door, which lead into his kitchen, looking up to my right, a ‘Beware of the dogs’ sign, left a large round electrical tub thing with dried, stuck on rice round it. The cooker needs a clean thick with black shinny greasy stuff. The woman, his mother is crouching down on the floor still cutting with that huge knife as Rio and Greyson pass her I hesitate to walk passed her, what if she were to miss what ever she was chopping and got the end of me toe, it’s bad enough me getting a nail in my foot, but to loose my foot completely, no thanks.

“You go, go, go go”, she hurries me to go pass waving her knife at me like some lightweight paper fan. It’s a duck she’s hacking at, the neck now severed from the body, wings stretch out to their sides and a large jagged split down the middle of it’s white and pinked chest. Walking slowly passed her now hoping not to get any of the blood on my shoes, I think to myself that maybe the duck was alive when she started hacking at it, I mean that would explain the mass of blood right? Just passing her and at the kitchen door leading to the front of the house Rio calls out.

“Roguey, come on.” I look back and she is holding the duck’s head and shaking it at me making the most, scary quacking noise, whilst stretching out her hand even further to me, laughing. I quickly run up the stairs and just hope that dog does come out of the front way upstairs, I don’t want to get a snap.

The stair way is dark and dingy, the walls a dark yellow with smudges every where and if the cooker is to go by anything the rest of the house is going to look a right tip. Looking in front of me they turn right into a room. Shoes, clothes outside the room entrance. I walk up and look in the room cautiously. The first thing I see is a massive T.V incased in a dark carved wooden storage, it looks amazing and I know it cost a lot of money. The sofas are a pearly yellow color, the carpet patterned with squares and circles, dark blues and black, yellow spots in-between the square segments. I start to walk in-between the squares like I’m playing a game of chess with my feet. Greyson kneels down in front of the T.V and Rio plods himself on the large sofa to my right. The walls are as white as snow, with amazing ivory and jade carved pictured (I hope the elephants are still alive). “Have you seen Guyver?” Greyson asks pushing a VHS video in to the machine below.

“No, what is it.” Leaning forward placing his head in his hand Rio asks. I sit down in front of the black table filled with images of lots of long headed oriental people with these funny looking hair buns. The fruit in the table look odd as well, odd, but they do look juicy I want one, especially the red looking one and that orange thng that looks like an tomatoes made out of leather.

“It’s about this super man.” Greyson swiftly turns round with excitement

Interrupting the excitement of Greyson “We’ve seen super man, is it your Chinese one?”

“Brushing him off and carrying on Greyson continues. “No, it’s about this boy yeah, who gets this suit yeah and then he has like this bio-booster armor and like yeah, all these baddies try and kill him because, the baddies are like the aliens man, and yeah, they don’t want him to be a cyborg cause that’s what the suit did to him and all his power he can’t control so…”

Rio stands up “We have to go, come Rogue.” Greyson looks at me, those black sharks eyes seemingly turn into to the widening, tear jerking, pussy cat kind of way. Surely he isn’t going to cry. “Rogue we’ve been gone like half an hour and my mum will know we didn’t go just to the shops. Come on, we can go back and carry on…”

“Carry on what? I want to watch that Macguyver thing.”  I look at Greyson’s face and it starts to form a little crease at his mouth.

“But it’s not Mac-Guyver it’s Guyver. I Got Macguyver too wanna see it.” Greyson shoots up to his feet with a little defensive tone to his voice that blends into the sweet sound of ‘Stay’ in his carton girl voice. Had I been dreaming I would have expected rainbow to stat flying from his un-brushed mouth.

Rio grabs me by the hand pulling me up to my feet and whisper with frustration “Hurry up man, or I’m gonna get ground too and when I’m ground you can’t come to mine when your mum wants to come round for tea.” Mum always said she wanted adult conversation time with Aunty Jacky and that he was always at Aunt Leah house. So many secrets.

“Okay, okay, I’m coming.” Shrugging him of me a pass a glance at Greyson. He returns the glance.

“You can come round whenever you want to come out to play.” He projects across the living room as Rio pulls me down the stairs. “Bye!”

“Babyoi!” His mother shouts up at him. Greyson comes rushing pass us on the stairs, closes the baby gate at the bottom, turns left and opens the door where the dogs are. I hold my breath and watch the long shadow turn into a dog as it runs passed and the short fat one scurries on behind. “You can come down now.” He says. Rio says ‘Bye’ to the woman and she grunts English-second-language ‘Bye’ back., I whisper mine, she seems really rude, bitch!

Walking back to Rio’s house, I know that I will have to go to Aunt Cece’s later on I really don’t want to but hey, planning got me into all this mess. But my next plan will work. Aunt Cece will take me to Aunt Geegee’s if I play my cards right and if I play my cards right all hell will be let loose there, well more like heaven.

Rio’s mum didn’t know how long we had been gone for, she went in the bath short after we left and she was still in it. Thank god for that one, now I won’t be in too much trouble. But as we close the door to the front of the house Royley looks down at us from, arms crossed and all. Only time will tell and a short time at that, what he’ll say and do, or even worse make us do. 

Behind our back as we stand next to each other we hold each other's hands and squeeze. 


© 2010 - 2011. All rights reserved N P Rogue Laudat-Scott 'Mind of Rogue' and 'Memoirs of Marbie'

MEMOIRS OF MARBIE: All Hallow's Eve's DLR (Dirty little rendezvous)

October 31 1990: It's about just after 12 midnight and I''m staring at my bedroom entrance, listening and observing to see if any one is awake down stairs. The darkness is so creepy and the small beams of light coming through my window make the darkness all that more freaky. It's going to be Halloween in the morning and I will have to plead with my mother to go out with Ramona to 'Trick or treat'. The shadows move and sway inviting me to come and play and although I've obliged to the many a times before, tonight is the night where supposedly bad things can happen. I can see the whiteness of the skirting boards just breaking the darkness and I can barely make out the chair and its arm. Laying in my bed, on my belly my arms are holding up my head as they crossed  together under my pillow. I feel scared, but excited and want to have a reason to leave my bed. My mum's bedroom is directly beneath mine so I don't want to come out of bed to heavy, else she'd wake up and stop me from what I am about to do. Looking back towards the door, I slowly stretch out my right leg extending it slowly to the ladder of my bunk bed. Eyes still fixed on the doorway, pushing myself backwards with my arms I glide down my mattress and my left leg now connects to the ladder. My head covered with my duvet, I stop under it hoping once I take it off my mum hasn't miraculously walked up the stairs in silence and is watching me or even worse some sort of scary looking goat (I've always disliked goats and sheep). Swinging my right hand over my head I unveil myself from the duvet, jump down and into the passage, because everyone know the quicker you do things in the dark the safer you are.
I turn on the light switch, and the red glow of the bulb illuminates me (Why my mum chose to have a red light bulb, still bemuses me). I go into the bath room for a sharp object and sitting in the light I pick and prod and my wart on my left hand trying to get it of. The blood begins to flow and I dig in deeper to the roots. Flicking the sharp pointy object my mother uses for her nails, the wart slowly peal back and I pick it off. I hate the thing. I went to bed shortly after.

The morning of Halloween and Ramona has left for school already. I'm dressed as a skeleton and my mum smiles at me, with that same hope she had in her eyes in 'Woolworths' but she seems happy. Meadow is in his pram and I have a sudden urge to slap his peanut shaped face, but don't. I walk to school with my mum, with my plan.
"Hey Rogue, you alright?" Ricard welcomes me and I know from this day we will be some what friends, real friends. He can be part of my plan.
"Yeah." Turning around I wave and say bye to my mum and walk with Ricard to the class room. "Wanna come somewhere with me?" I ask him with my plan all set out. I mean what could go wrong apart from everything going right?
"Where?" he asks me, slowing his pace and looking at me as to know I have something devious in mind.
"We're gonna go to my old school, to Daubeny. And well... I am gonna get my friends to come out and play too." The plan was great, it had no flaws, nothing was going to go wrong. All we have to do is not go into class and be seen my any of the teachers. Wednesday is a maths day, so we won't be in Simba's class. Making my way to the toilets before our class I notice the 'Short wearing teacher' and is stupid looking strapped on glasses. He looks at Ricard and myself but did he notice it was us? Did he even care? Had he said anything I know something would have kicked off again cause my blood has already started to boil.
"How are we gonna get there? To your old school Roe?" sitting on the bench trying to hide in the coats Ricard has no idea of what my plans are. I would have thought someone like him would be more cunning, obviously not.
"We have to walk, I don't get the bus to school any more, so I don't have money" I lied a little. "Well I do but it's for teas at play-centre." I quickly add. Bus fare for children was about 30 pence, I had £1. That meant I had to give up a cake or something, forget that, walking was our best option and was already part of my plan.
"Ok!" He says with some hope lost in his eyes for bus fare. Well it seemed that way.

So after telling Ricard how we were going to get to Daubeny, we waited for all the children and teacher to get to their final destinations for the morning sessions. Still in the toilets we both hide behind the coat. Watching him, the little rat, I tell him to wear someone else's coat and look for a better pair of jeans in the spears basket. He looks like a rugger  muffin and it's not a nice look.
We creep down the stairs and bend down passed the receptionist. Running towards the gates and hear an adult shout. Shit we've been caught. Both of us stop in our tracks and turn around, thank the gods the teacher was shouting out to another child in the play ground Hut classes. Out of the gates we slip, run down the road, cross the zebra crossing and now we have to start walking cool, clam and collected like we're doing nothing wrong.
Now I don't know how I know the way to Daubeny, but like a homing pigeon, crossed bred with a blood hound I sniff my way. Walking passed Ricard's council estate, he tells me to say to any one he may know, that we have been asked to go to the shops for a teacher. No, I had already planned to say the fire alarm had gone off and we had to leave the school, my plans always work. So I stuck to my plan and told him so. The world seems much more larger than what it normally does when I'm out and about with my mother. The builders seem to touch the heaven and all the adults are staring at us. Good thing we don't have a school uniform otherwise we'd be clocked for sure. We had to pass a police station on the way but luckily Ricard knew a back route for us to take so we weren't seen. They would have taken us back to school and for sure I would get the blame. Getting closer to where I need to be with my little follower, we are at the hill that leads down to Daubeny. I begin to run and see Annah's mum walking from the shops.
"Roe what are you doing around here, I thought you had left Daubeny darling?" Although I want to stop and say 'Hi' to Annah's mum I know if I do, I'd risk the chance of telling her my plan and she'd try and stop me. Ricard and I keep running, I tell him who she was and that I miss my old school. He lacks behind.
Getting to the corner of the school, I slow down. The gates are open and I knew this cause the school keeper didn't lock them till after the first 'Play time" for the late comers. Tall old building of mine I wish I had not left, please take me back. So thinking to myself once I get in the school I'll go back to my old class and then hopefully be able to sit down and be with Stewart, Cemal, Jerome and Jags again. We walk passed the school keepers house and a flash memory of me eating ants in the sun washes over me. Ricard stops walking behind me. "Come n you pussy!" I whisper shout at him.
"No, I'm going back." He shouts back at me. Not wanting a teacher to come out and see the both of us there, I run through the toilets where I first saw my first crimson rain and leave him to his own devices. I haven't got time to ponder on his feelings at this point. I just want my Stewart back.

Walking up the dusty smelling corridors and looking at the red border paint that went along the walls, I get excited, so excited a loud 'Ha' escapes my mouth and echos the staircase. I stop, hoping that not a soul had heard. Continuing up the case, I stop at the middle hall to where my class would have been, had I not been transfered. I walk slowly to the door and look through the window, my eyes begin to well up and the tears I don't even want to hold back. I can see them all, all of them in one class and at the front is Stewart. His eyes seemingly soulless look as though the soul really had gone, Cemal smile was now a stern and anger stone worked figure. Jerome is with a boy I don't know and seems to have moved on, Dee and her clone Contentina sharing bubble gum under the table, but where is Jags? The teacher writes on the chalk board with her back towards the class, and although it seems as though she has them under control really, they are sitting being even more rebellious. They aren't even attempting to listen to what she's saying.
"Oh my god, Rogue!, what are you doing here?" Turning around to see a more filled out Jags I gasp and want to through my hands round him, but something seems different, stranger. He's now a stranger to me.
"Erm... I came to visit you lot." I say, knowing that maybe now it was a bad choice to bunk-off off school and risk getting into trouble again.
Looking at me oddly Jags goes on to say "Well we're all in class now. You should of come at break time. Thats why I went..." Being interrupted by voice behind him I look at the tall dark man.
"What are you two doing out of class." The dark man says to us both i look at him and turn my head down to the floor hoping he doesn't realise who I am. "Rogue is it? Didn't you leave last term? Why are you here?" He knows who I am.
"I came to visit." I say in a small voice
"Ok, come with me, lets go say 'Hello' to Mrs Stuffing, the Head Mistress." She wasn't the Head mistress it was Mrs Stygal. I say okay and wave back at Jags. he looks at me with the "Your in trouble eyes" and man was I. He looks like a Big hairy gay guy.

In her office she questions me about my intentions and appreciates that they were good but that I couldn't do such things like leaving school and going to another. She makes a phone call, "We have him here." she said and after hanging up walks towards her door and locks it with a key. Great so there's no chance of me escaping and we're on the second floor. Looking to my left I notice the Mongoose attacking a King Cobra, a stuffed piece I didn't find the slightest amusing.
"Thats disgusting." I mutter.
"What is?" she says to me walking back to her desk and planting her fat arse on the chair.
"That! The snake and Mongoose. How would you like it if I cut your throat and gutted you like a fish and stuffed you up, placing you on some shelf. Maybe one day you'll find out." Clutching onto her chair arms and me leaning towards her I can see she wants to pick up the phone with her hesitant movements. I'm staring at her with daggers, only to notice she is looking down at the floor with concern, only to notice that I have had another episode of loosing myself. The phone is on the floor shattered into pieces.
A knock t the door and she swiftly passes me. seeing the crack in the door as she begins to open it I try to run out calling her a 'Fat Bitch', I see two police officers. Screwed!.
"You have changed so much Rogue Lorday, what has happened?" I don't believe her concern.

Now hand cuffed to the female officer, I'm taken back to my "Hell mouth' of a school. Back to class after an hour or so. Lunch time play, saw the gates being monitored. My actions are now affecting everything and everyone.
"This is Greyson, you know him right?" Ricard introduces me to the cute Oriental boy, wearing his oversized jacket.
"Hi, I got loads of toys. You can come, my house and play with Ricard if you want." Greyson seems friendly enough, I just can't believe Ricard would want me to torture him in the playground if they were friends. If he could do that to Greyson, what could he do to me? Not much with Rio around I'm guessing.
"Yeah sure, I don't mind when?" I ask this little cutie.
"Friday." he smiles and I just think to myself, "Someone need to get this dude a toothbrush", he had that white stuff on the tops of his gums and between his teeth. Maybe he forgot to brush that morning, fuck thats nasty, but he could have bitten into an apple or something. But I can tell we're going to be friends, he seems really nice.

My mother is unimpressed with the days activities and takes me home holding my hand (how embarrassing) walking really fast. Getting home she tells me I'm grounded and I can't even go to Aunt Jacky's house, I have to go to Aunt Ceecee's or Aunt Gee's. They were hard core, they beat me, they beat me hard.
I'm dreading Friday night and that long, depressing ride in the back of a cab. I better get to planning. Wait didn't that get me in all this mess in the first place?




© 2010 - 2011. All rights reserved N P Rogue Laudat-Scott 'Mind of Rogue' and 'Memoirs of Marbie'

Memoirs of Marbie: Flash, Lucozade and Woolworths

June(ish) 1990, the weather is getting even more hotter and although playing 'Bum-bums' is fun something in the air tells me something is about to change. My mom has been acting a little funny lately, talking loads on the telephone and when she picks me up from play centre, she seems to talk to all the other adults more than usual. Never underestimate what a child knows, even subconsciously, it's in the air around me as I hear their whispers and peeks from the corner of their eyes looking in my direction, the shaking of their hands and hugs and one cheeked kisses are given it all away. Something is definitely up.

Monday morning, my teacher Ms Crowley pulls me to one side "You're going to help look after a new child, you can be his new friend. His name is Cemal." Well ok then, I'm given a responsibility in looking after a newbie and we all know, children can be right fucking bastards to newbies in the playground. Cemal, I wonder what he's like?
I go to my seat in the cramped class room, dark wooden tables, with scratched names on the legs and top, bubble and chewing gum embedded on the belly of the scared table. I sit and wait, begin to draw on the table, not wanting to be mischievous or bad minded but just doing it out of boredom and the fact that I can't be bothered to ask for paper or my book. Gullie walks into the class.

Name: Gullie
Sex: Female
Description: Loner, does not have much friends she can call her own, somewhat of a leech when someone happens to pay her attention. She's an animal lover, having a tortoise, cat, dog, Guinea pig and hamster, surely her house must smell. Comes into school looking like she has been left in her Sunday's best for well over a month. She isn't dirty but she's just a scruffy little thing,
Square shape head and a moustache is not becoming of a young girl not to mention she's always digging for gold and putting it in her pocket.

"Hi Rogue! You didn't come to my house this morning..." Gleaming with excitement that she's now found me I have to intercept her little rant before she goes on and on.
"I was late for the bus and went straight to Annah's house." I carry on drawing and don't even give her eye contact, "Please just piss off" I'm thinking.
"Oh, Oh, you and Annah are best friend's I know, but.."
Breaking her line of thought again, "Guls, get me some paper before I get into trouble and before I finish of my eye." Fascinated with drawing eyes, I didn't want it to go to waste, so the sooner I got that piece of paper, the sooner I could transfer what I had done and complete my eye for the day.
"Ok." and thank god she goes to get it.
 Just scanning the room now Stewart walks in with Dee and Miss Constantina, Rachael follows and then Ms Crowley with a boy walking in backwards.
The room goes dark and I see nothing.

LIGHTS, ACTION, HOLLYWOOD!

He turns around, my eyes zoom on him like a camera lens, beautiful curls of gold and brown, drop to his ears and cheek bones, eyes with fluxes of brown, blue, green and grey, mesmerizing and big and well almond shape, smile, a smile with a perfect set of teeth as bright as the sun itself. Is this Cemal?
"Morning T-room this is Cemal, and Rogue will be partnered with him." Ms Crowley did me good this time,  wonder if I can recruit him? "Cemal go and sit next to Rogue, the boy with the blue t-shirt on."
He walks my way and his smile fades as he walks towards me, he looks around and waves to particular people. Does he know them? Am I the only one that doesn't know who this Turkish demiGod is? As he gets closer to my seat and begins to lay down in his seat he turns my way and smiles with those 32 suns in his wide set mouth with lips as pink as rose on golden tanned skin.
"I'm Cemal." He says smiling at me  and he stares right into my eyes as if I have a vortex to another dimension in the universe.
I don't stutter, by almost dribble spit at him, "Er, yeah, I'm Rogue" finding it hard to keep looking at him espeically in his eyes I look to the left over my shoulder and Stewart is looking at me with daggers. I can't help it, I didn't pair the two of us. She did and she did well, Bye Stewball.

Cemal and I played with each other all through play time and we shared so much with each other. Who would of thought that one newbie would make me forget all about Stewart and Jerome. Jags needs to get to know him to. Sadly he wasn't in for the week.
during a play time I ask Cemal to come to the toilets with me because I was a bit scared to go alone, what a joke and ploy. He obliges and thats when I introduce him to 'Bum-bums'. He doesn't seem that all impressed with it, it seems almost beneath him from the look on his face. When we leave the toilets we run through the bottom hall, I'm in lead in the middle of the hall.
"Rogue! Look!" Cemal has, low and behold unzipped his shorts and pulled out his penis, showing me. At first i didn't want to look, but as he pulled up his top to his chest and lower his short even more I couldn't help but stare, I was amazed and fixated on it, it was Cemal's "Willy". He's flashing me in public and the in the safety of the toilets. My hero, so brave. Little did I know that this would be one of Cemal's reason for being famous in school later on, as it wasn't only me (never the girls were shown).

Stewart, fuming at my new friend would say that he wanted to play kiss chase or to play in the bush borders of the playground in an attempt to winning my attention back, but I was besotted with Cemal. He was free and wild like the child have always been. He lifted my soul, as for some time I have been feeling out of touch with the others, needing and craving a new lease of life.
Stewart attempted one day to cause an argument between him and myself  going as far as kicking me and punching. To my surprise Cemal came to my rescue, not in the way I thought. Cemal turnt into a Tasmanian devil, he bite savagely at Stewarts arms and legs and even got him on the chest, while I stood there and watched. I must admit it was nice to see someone look out for me. No one ever did, but me.

Play centre, that same day, I am left alone as Jags after almost a week and half has still not come in. Where is he?
Just remembering playing with some friends that were centre friends but not so much school friends, I need to take a pee. I've got my Transformers backpack slung on my right shoulder,  the sun is starting to set now. I'm wearing a red and green tee, and blue shorts with black plimsolls (I must of dressed myself, watching Madonna, Jem, Captain Planet  or something). Running to the steps leading me to the toilets we have to use at play centre, as the ones for the school are now closed. Talk about inconvenience, i feel like I'm going to piss myself.
From where I'm trying to keep my legs closed preventing the pee from streaming out and running at the same time, Crash and land actually very softly on the concrete ground, the bag must have broke my fall. Dusting myself off, no one is in the playground now, they must have gone in the bush borders. Oh but I see this one girl, the girl who gave me funny looks for the whole year, but never did say a word to me. She's a Herculean, ready for the big 'Secondary school', she bursts out with laughter and so does her little brother, much younger than I.
What's happening to me, My toe and fingers are getting warm and hotter, the feeling spreads round my body filling me with rage, it's explosive the feeling wants a vent. I walk toward them both, "It's not funny!" I thought that screaming that out would help with the scourging aura around me. It didn't. I step closer to the little boy, push him to the ground.
"What, you think you're doing." She says to me
Without any thought I swing my bag at her head with all the strength and might within me. It was like the street lamps had all simultaneously started to flicker for a brief moment in time, a wailing cat cry deafens the noise surrounding us, a sheet of crimson rain gushes and speckles my face. And as I get back to my normal standing posture I look at her.
"Good." I say with some relief from the invisible flames that had lain upon my skin and soul. Now looking at her with one eyebrow cocked up, I see that my back has done more damage than what i probably thought it would have done. The sounds are now silent to me and I'm watching the once gushing crimson rain begin to slow down as trickles on her closed and hand covered lips. Silence, boy on floor crying. I open my bag to see the thick cylinder shaped, glass, Lucozade bottle at the bottom of it. Still half full. I pull it out and oddly ask her "Do you want a drink?". Pain in my right ear, someones got a hold of it. her mother is shouting a cursing me, pulling us both to the toilets. I can't really make out the words being said to me apart from sorry. Am I really sorry though? No. Two teeth down the sink and the blood continues to fiercely pour out, reddening the white porcelain sink.
When I'm picked up by my mom moments after she goes off on one also. Friday ended with a bang. Cemal would have been proud.

Saturday isn't all that clear, apart from when my mom refuses to leave me at my neighbours with my sister Remona. We're in Woolworths, the shop that sells the confectioneries, Games, Clothes and toys. I want a new backpack as her blood is still on it, But I've told my mom it's ripped. She declines my offer to being good from now on and tell me the shock of my young life.
I'm being transferred to a school that deals with children with behaviour problems. Closer to home, further away from Cemal, Stewart, Jags and Jerome and my dear friend Annah.
I don't know what came over me again, when she tells me not to touch anything in the store after landing me with the bomb shell, but......
In the aisle, I stop in my tracks, begin to walk at a slow pace, spread my arms like a Harpy eagle, touching both sides of the aisle and continue to walk. Cans and packages are falling down, the shelves are swaying and I can see in my mothers eyes with every shelve sway she is praying. She grabs me by the hand not saying a word and walk out of the store not saying one word to me or the staff. She hold hope in her eyes.



© 2010 - 2011. All rights reserved N P Rogue Laudat-Scott 'Mind of Rogue' and 'Memoirs of Marbie'

Marbie teeth are so Easy to come by.....

Hello Homosapiens....... I'm not a Muscle Mary or a Vegan, I'm a walking doll (So I've been told). Check the video for days 8-14 on the use of Hammer and Arm (Advanced whitening toothpaste.

So what did you think...... Not a massive improvement, but there is one at least. I think I'll be sticking with this toothpaste brand up until I go away to Gran Canaria this Summer, a wait in the margin line for something better to come along. Now in saying the toothpaste whitened a little, in fact it tastes great and the freshness is gives (And it should the way i brush my teeth) is amazing, I feel like I want to smile after brushing. My Tongue has seen a slight improvement to and yes your tongue is just as important as your teeth when it come to Oral Hygiene (I'm real careful and particular what I put in my mouth you see). Yes the toothpaste cleans, whitens to some extent and freshens breath.... is it right for you? Maybe..... It does have a little tiny bit of grit by I guess this is from the added baking soda for it's cleaning properties.

Oral Hygiene Tips:

Brush your teeth when you first get out of bed and before you get back in at night. They're the two most crucial times. That’s because your saliva and no one else’s (which keeps cavity-causing plaque off teeth) dries up at night, so it’s best to have all plaque cleaned off the teeth before sleep. It’s also important to brush first thing in the morning to brush off plaque and bacteria (morning breath! “Where the cat that shat in my mouth?) that may have built up as you slept.

Kick your toothbrush to the curb or change the head of your electric toothbrush at least every two to three months. Otherwise, you're just transferring bacteria to your mouth. The best way to brush is by placing your toothbrush against your gums and gently moving it in a circular motion, rather than a back-and-forth motion. And Brush them pearls for least, the bare minimum of 2 minutes (I like to go on for a good 5).

Clean your tongue with a tongue scraper every morning to remove tongue plaque and freshen your breath or use your toothbrush if you don’t have one. You can also buy toothbrushes with tongue scrapers made onto them. One major cause of bad breath is the build-up of bacteria on the tongue, which a daily tongue scraping will help banish.

Eat 'detergent' foods. Foods that are firm or crisp help clean teeth as they're eaten.Ever heard someone say they eat apples to clean their teeth (not much of a myth after all)(otherwise known as nature's toothbrush); other choices include raw carrots, celery, and popcorn. For best Marbie, Homosapien teeth, make 'detergent' foods the final food you eat in your meal if you know you won't be able to brush your teeth right after eating.

Brush your teeth with baking soda once a week to remove stains and whiten your teeth. Use it just as you would toothpaste (No it doesn’t taste nice but you want nice teeth and breath right? So Deal!). You can also use salt as alternative toothpaste. Just be sure to spit it out so it doesn't count as sodium intake! Also, if your gums start to feel raw, switch to brushing with salt every other day.

Visit you dentist as least every 6 months that’s twice a year or more so if you choose.

Flossing is great when you know how……