Memoirs of Marbie: Adults, Secrets and Lies

October 1993: A storm is coming, the nights are stirring with uneasy thoughts. She is up to something again I have a slight incline into what is going on, but still do not know the true extent of the going-on’s power. I think this battle I am going to loose.

My mum and the rest of us have been visiting my Aunt Claudine quite a bit now, not to mention Aunt Claudine’s evil twisted mother Aunt Vava and her subdued sister Aunt Jujube. The elders I never knew up until now, the family I craved for so many year has turned out to be a family I don’ want after all. You see my mother never, ever mentioned these family members and I had only meet Aunt Jujube, my Granny’s sister a couple of time when I was much younger. But this new link of blood has me wishing and dreaming Madonna will soon come and take me away and wash away my sorrows, they are I’m sure of part of some cult or even worse the founders of the Occult. Three sisters spilt through marriage, my Gran, Aunt Jujube and Aunt Vava. What strikes me is that my granny has lives all the way up north, hours away from us here in London, but the other two sister stuck side by side even in their marriages and lived in London also, West London. My family lives in East London, did my mother seek refuge elsewhere or is this merely a coincidence, I mean like I said she never spoke of them.

A family affair

{I have recollection of this picture, probably because I'm so young in it. The Woman standing up is my Gran, me in the dark on the left and Ramona sitting on our Mum's lap. The grinning lady, not a clue who she is,the guy hiding his face behind the baby girl, Uncle Clive. Oh that's right the grinning lady is one of the many women Uncle Clive has impregnated. The rest of the children are my Occult cousins, two from him and two from his twin, Uncle Rol, twins run in the family.}

Children of the corn

{Uncle Rol, the Occult cousins and you see that little brillo pad headed child who looks like he's screaming? That's Mike}

Rest aside what I think of this family for now, I have become really fond of my new found second cousins Mike and Tanny, they are adorable and sneaky just like I am however, I think their upbringing is slightly odd. The way they speak, the structuring and wording of their sentences are almost lay hand in hand with the language a Herculean would use, what Ramona uses, no not even her age slightly older. Sitting on his bed with my walkman in my lap and Tanny prancing around the tightly spaced room me and Mike talk about our schools until he swiftly changes subject as swiftly as my mother decided she loved the company of the new family.

“Roguey, have you ever been to Dominica before?”  he asks me.

“No, what’s that, where is it?” I still question people with a little puppy dog head cocking to the side.

“Oh…” he pauses ever so briefly looking down at the darkly patterned, old fashioned carpet I have only ever seen in like, old people’s homes. “It’s a different country, where you and…” The brushing sound of the door opening stops his trail of thought and his mother walks in. Telling us that we are now to go to the living room for dinner. “I’ll tell you later.” He says walking out the door. Just looking around his shared bedroom I feel sick with Closter phobia like symptoms. Two single beds, two windows, one large very used wardrobe, not much space really to move around the beds it’s better to just climb over them, chest of drawers to the right of everything where the bedroom door is, one hard push and you can lock your self in the room and a good way to escape the many beatings I get from my mum, I did think once that he had arrange his room in this fashion for a purpose but the size of the room really decided for him where things were to be place. Mikes is smart, but not that smart, just a couple of month younger than me and yet when he speaks I feel like I have to listen to his dry elbowed, never seen coco butter, bad crocked teeth and brillo pad hair self, but I love him, he’s my cousin, my of the Occult cousin that is.

Sitting and the dining table in the living room partitioned off by sofas for where they sit ever so lovingly together by the gas burning heater on cold winters nights, Aunt Claudine and her children that is, like where is the white central heating heaters? There aren’t any, really can they be that not with the times? How do they keep warm in their beds? Too many questions I really don’t care about right now living like this would break me, I’m glad my mum loves me enough to have sense and money to live where we live. She did always say to me “There are children out there worse off than you.” Boy do I believe her now, I haven’t even seen Tanny play with any sort of child toy yet the only thing that consumes her time is brushing her long nappy hair, maybe that is a toy for her oh well.  

Pushing my peas around in this watery substance Aunt Claudine dare calls gravy Mikes whispers “It’s where they take you to beat you.” I have no idea what he is talking about but I’m sure he is going to tell me later. Looking up from my plate seeing the glow from the fireplace on Ramona’s face as she sits on the end of the sofa, Meadow and Tanny are occupied in some stupid non-toy play and my mother and Aunt Claudine are speaking and laughing till her face begins to frown.

“No Claudine, no word of a lie, his face went blank, he walked over to the snooker table, picked up the ball and dashed it at the tv. Now you know that Jujube has a big tv.” My mother leans in to her and Aunt Claudine slaps her left arm down on the back of the sofa resting it and leaning forward to say “Yes I remember she had a tv in her family room, what you mean?” she says recognition on what my mother is about to say.

“Yes Rogue did it he broke the tv, which is why now when we go to Michael and her’s, he is not allowed to watch tv, or even go into the family room. She thinks he’s possessed.” There she goes again, my mother telling of yet another story of something terrible I have done, in the past that she has been so embarrassed about. Far as I am concerned, the snooker ball simply slipped out my hand while I was playing catch with it. What else was I supposed to do in a house full of adults and Ramona, plastered with freaking fugly doilies everywhere.

Changing their subject onto something that I am not yet the focus of Aunt Claudine says to mum “Mike is sometimes the same.” He shoot up to listen like a guard dog at the gates “But I have had to tell Tanny she is going to Mcdonald’s, a special Mcdonald’s” Now we all know Mcdonald’s is a special kind of treat, but a special Mcdonald’s, why the hell does Tanny get that? She’s far from special.

“Can I go too?” I quickly ask “Go to the special Mcdonald’s?” They both turn around like a secret has be unveiled yet still having to keep their cool.

“Oh you are Rogue, you are.” Mike says with a smerk, before his mother get the chance to tell him to shut up. 


© 2010 - 2012. All rights reserved N P Rogue Laudat-Scott 'Mind of Rogue' and 'Memoirs of Marbie'

MEMOIRS OF MARBIE: All Hallow's Eve's DLR (Dirty little rendezvous)

October 31 1990: It's about just after 12 midnight and I''m staring at my bedroom entrance, listening and observing to see if any one is awake down stairs. The darkness is so creepy and the small beams of light coming through my window make the darkness all that more freaky. It's going to be Halloween in the morning and I will have to plead with my mother to go out with Ramona to 'Trick or treat'. The shadows move and sway inviting me to come and play and although I've obliged to the many a times before, tonight is the night where supposedly bad things can happen. I can see the whiteness of the skirting boards just breaking the darkness and I can barely make out the chair and its arm. Laying in my bed, on my belly my arms are holding up my head as they crossed  together under my pillow. I feel scared, but excited and want to have a reason to leave my bed. My mum's bedroom is directly beneath mine so I don't want to come out of bed to heavy, else she'd wake up and stop me from what I am about to do. Looking back towards the door, I slowly stretch out my right leg extending it slowly to the ladder of my bunk bed. Eyes still fixed on the doorway, pushing myself backwards with my arms I glide down my mattress and my left leg now connects to the ladder. My head covered with my duvet, I stop under it hoping once I take it off my mum hasn't miraculously walked up the stairs in silence and is watching me or even worse some sort of scary looking goat (I've always disliked goats and sheep). Swinging my right hand over my head I unveil myself from the duvet, jump down and into the passage, because everyone know the quicker you do things in the dark the safer you are.
I turn on the light switch, and the red glow of the bulb illuminates me (Why my mum chose to have a red light bulb, still bemuses me). I go into the bath room for a sharp object and sitting in the light I pick and prod and my wart on my left hand trying to get it of. The blood begins to flow and I dig in deeper to the roots. Flicking the sharp pointy object my mother uses for her nails, the wart slowly peal back and I pick it off. I hate the thing. I went to bed shortly after.

The morning of Halloween and Ramona has left for school already. I'm dressed as a skeleton and my mum smiles at me, with that same hope she had in her eyes in 'Woolworths' but she seems happy. Meadow is in his pram and I have a sudden urge to slap his peanut shaped face, but don't. I walk to school with my mum, with my plan.
"Hey Rogue, you alright?" Ricard welcomes me and I know from this day we will be some what friends, real friends. He can be part of my plan.
"Yeah." Turning around I wave and say bye to my mum and walk with Ricard to the class room. "Wanna come somewhere with me?" I ask him with my plan all set out. I mean what could go wrong apart from everything going right?
"Where?" he asks me, slowing his pace and looking at me as to know I have something devious in mind.
"We're gonna go to my old school, to Daubeny. And well... I am gonna get my friends to come out and play too." The plan was great, it had no flaws, nothing was going to go wrong. All we have to do is not go into class and be seen my any of the teachers. Wednesday is a maths day, so we won't be in Simba's class. Making my way to the toilets before our class I notice the 'Short wearing teacher' and is stupid looking strapped on glasses. He looks at Ricard and myself but did he notice it was us? Did he even care? Had he said anything I know something would have kicked off again cause my blood has already started to boil.
"How are we gonna get there? To your old school Roe?" sitting on the bench trying to hide in the coats Ricard has no idea of what my plans are. I would have thought someone like him would be more cunning, obviously not.
"We have to walk, I don't get the bus to school any more, so I don't have money" I lied a little. "Well I do but it's for teas at play-centre." I quickly add. Bus fare for children was about 30 pence, I had £1. That meant I had to give up a cake or something, forget that, walking was our best option and was already part of my plan.
"Ok!" He says with some hope lost in his eyes for bus fare. Well it seemed that way.

So after telling Ricard how we were going to get to Daubeny, we waited for all the children and teacher to get to their final destinations for the morning sessions. Still in the toilets we both hide behind the coat. Watching him, the little rat, I tell him to wear someone else's coat and look for a better pair of jeans in the spears basket. He looks like a rugger  muffin and it's not a nice look.
We creep down the stairs and bend down passed the receptionist. Running towards the gates and hear an adult shout. Shit we've been caught. Both of us stop in our tracks and turn around, thank the gods the teacher was shouting out to another child in the play ground Hut classes. Out of the gates we slip, run down the road, cross the zebra crossing and now we have to start walking cool, clam and collected like we're doing nothing wrong.
Now I don't know how I know the way to Daubeny, but like a homing pigeon, crossed bred with a blood hound I sniff my way. Walking passed Ricard's council estate, he tells me to say to any one he may know, that we have been asked to go to the shops for a teacher. No, I had already planned to say the fire alarm had gone off and we had to leave the school, my plans always work. So I stuck to my plan and told him so. The world seems much more larger than what it normally does when I'm out and about with my mother. The builders seem to touch the heaven and all the adults are staring at us. Good thing we don't have a school uniform otherwise we'd be clocked for sure. We had to pass a police station on the way but luckily Ricard knew a back route for us to take so we weren't seen. They would have taken us back to school and for sure I would get the blame. Getting closer to where I need to be with my little follower, we are at the hill that leads down to Daubeny. I begin to run and see Annah's mum walking from the shops.
"Roe what are you doing around here, I thought you had left Daubeny darling?" Although I want to stop and say 'Hi' to Annah's mum I know if I do, I'd risk the chance of telling her my plan and she'd try and stop me. Ricard and I keep running, I tell him who she was and that I miss my old school. He lacks behind.
Getting to the corner of the school, I slow down. The gates are open and I knew this cause the school keeper didn't lock them till after the first 'Play time" for the late comers. Tall old building of mine I wish I had not left, please take me back. So thinking to myself once I get in the school I'll go back to my old class and then hopefully be able to sit down and be with Stewart, Cemal, Jerome and Jags again. We walk passed the school keepers house and a flash memory of me eating ants in the sun washes over me. Ricard stops walking behind me. "Come n you pussy!" I whisper shout at him.
"No, I'm going back." He shouts back at me. Not wanting a teacher to come out and see the both of us there, I run through the toilets where I first saw my first crimson rain and leave him to his own devices. I haven't got time to ponder on his feelings at this point. I just want my Stewart back.

Walking up the dusty smelling corridors and looking at the red border paint that went along the walls, I get excited, so excited a loud 'Ha' escapes my mouth and echos the staircase. I stop, hoping that not a soul had heard. Continuing up the case, I stop at the middle hall to where my class would have been, had I not been transfered. I walk slowly to the door and look through the window, my eyes begin to well up and the tears I don't even want to hold back. I can see them all, all of them in one class and at the front is Stewart. His eyes seemingly soulless look as though the soul really had gone, Cemal smile was now a stern and anger stone worked figure. Jerome is with a boy I don't know and seems to have moved on, Dee and her clone Contentina sharing bubble gum under the table, but where is Jags? The teacher writes on the chalk board with her back towards the class, and although it seems as though she has them under control really, they are sitting being even more rebellious. They aren't even attempting to listen to what she's saying.
"Oh my god, Rogue!, what are you doing here?" Turning around to see a more filled out Jags I gasp and want to through my hands round him, but something seems different, stranger. He's now a stranger to me.
"Erm... I came to visit you lot." I say, knowing that maybe now it was a bad choice to bunk-off off school and risk getting into trouble again.
Looking at me oddly Jags goes on to say "Well we're all in class now. You should of come at break time. Thats why I went..." Being interrupted by voice behind him I look at the tall dark man.
"What are you two doing out of class." The dark man says to us both i look at him and turn my head down to the floor hoping he doesn't realise who I am. "Rogue is it? Didn't you leave last term? Why are you here?" He knows who I am.
"I came to visit." I say in a small voice
"Ok, come with me, lets go say 'Hello' to Mrs Stuffing, the Head Mistress." She wasn't the Head mistress it was Mrs Stygal. I say okay and wave back at Jags. he looks at me with the "Your in trouble eyes" and man was I. He looks like a Big hairy gay guy.

In her office she questions me about my intentions and appreciates that they were good but that I couldn't do such things like leaving school and going to another. She makes a phone call, "We have him here." she said and after hanging up walks towards her door and locks it with a key. Great so there's no chance of me escaping and we're on the second floor. Looking to my left I notice the Mongoose attacking a King Cobra, a stuffed piece I didn't find the slightest amusing.
"Thats disgusting." I mutter.
"What is?" she says to me walking back to her desk and planting her fat arse on the chair.
"That! The snake and Mongoose. How would you like it if I cut your throat and gutted you like a fish and stuffed you up, placing you on some shelf. Maybe one day you'll find out." Clutching onto her chair arms and me leaning towards her I can see she wants to pick up the phone with her hesitant movements. I'm staring at her with daggers, only to notice she is looking down at the floor with concern, only to notice that I have had another episode of loosing myself. The phone is on the floor shattered into pieces.
A knock t the door and she swiftly passes me. seeing the crack in the door as she begins to open it I try to run out calling her a 'Fat Bitch', I see two police officers. Screwed!.
"You have changed so much Rogue Lorday, what has happened?" I don't believe her concern.

Now hand cuffed to the female officer, I'm taken back to my "Hell mouth' of a school. Back to class after an hour or so. Lunch time play, saw the gates being monitored. My actions are now affecting everything and everyone.
"This is Greyson, you know him right?" Ricard introduces me to the cute Oriental boy, wearing his oversized jacket.
"Hi, I got loads of toys. You can come, my house and play with Ricard if you want." Greyson seems friendly enough, I just can't believe Ricard would want me to torture him in the playground if they were friends. If he could do that to Greyson, what could he do to me? Not much with Rio around I'm guessing.
"Yeah sure, I don't mind when?" I ask this little cutie.
"Friday." he smiles and I just think to myself, "Someone need to get this dude a toothbrush", he had that white stuff on the tops of his gums and between his teeth. Maybe he forgot to brush that morning, fuck thats nasty, but he could have bitten into an apple or something. But I can tell we're going to be friends, he seems really nice.

My mother is unimpressed with the days activities and takes me home holding my hand (how embarrassing) walking really fast. Getting home she tells me I'm grounded and I can't even go to Aunt Jacky's house, I have to go to Aunt Ceecee's or Aunt Gee's. They were hard core, they beat me, they beat me hard.
I'm dreading Friday night and that long, depressing ride in the back of a cab. I better get to planning. Wait didn't that get me in all this mess in the first place?




© 2010 - 2011. All rights reserved N P Rogue Laudat-Scott 'Mind of Rogue' and 'Memoirs of Marbie'