MEMOIRS OF MARBIE: Ashlley's Birth

October 1990: Georgie and I never really did hit it off, we argued like proper 'Cats and Dogs' and no doubt I was a cat with the bit of a dog. Although after almost a whole month of getting to know Georgie and with the others like Kemo, Ricard and Rio around, seeing that they all get along like a house on fire with him I can't understand why, why this custard cream biscuit coloured boy, would not get along with me. I looked at him every morning and through the day, mesmerised by his greasy hair charm and an almost broke down, bad boy face. Georgie, oh Georgie you really make me sick. So sick, looking at you make me want to purge last night dinner over you, yet knowing if I done so, I'd gladly lick it all up savoring every taste that has come off of you. His tiger like eyes were ever so cutting with every look he gave me it always seem like he was giving me a stabbing from 'Liono's' sword from Thundercats, deeper and deeper it would plunge it to my stomach and I, like a fool would happily welcome it.
"Roe, go over and take that boy's jacket away from him." Ricard attempts to direct me.
"Erm? Why? Who is he and why do you want his jacket any way?" I respond. In the playground me and Ricard sit at the benches attached to the main building close enough to the entrance of the building. Now I'm all up for fun and games, but to bully someone was never my thing. I looked at the boy he wanted me to tease and it was the same Oriental, cute boy I saw playing 'Piss darts' in the funky toilets. "Why, don't you do it? You want it." Giving a sigh that said it all "Its cold and do your own dirty work." Richard looks at me and stares me dead in the ear (I'm staring at Georgie, the butterflies try to escape my torso), it's as if he's trying to will me with the thought of his mind to do this tedious task. "Oh Ricard, piss off!" lashing out and looking him up and down, in disbelief i look at him up and down and notice the tear in his left knee, the greying of his knees are hideous, how does one not cream up their skin? Especially if their black? Not saying that only back people cream, cause I've seen Aunt Jacky cream herself sometimes (Not by choice, it never was pretty seeing, that jet black furry hole in her body. What was that?). But all the BLACK kids said, that white people don't cream their skins. Ricard has obviously put a spanner in that theory.

"Move man!" Trying to squeeze his fat arse in between me and Ricard, Georgie wiggles it trying to shove, to one side. I nudge him ever so lightly hoping he wouldn't notice and right now I'm feeling as if, if he does notice he won't like it. He doesn't notice, but the feel on my shoulder wasn't enough. his arse almost finding it's place on the bench I decide to place my hand on the bench underneath that 'Pow-pow' bottom. Sheer bliss as those buns of cream land on my twiglet, brown fingers, the warmth is so hot it almost warms the whole of my body before it stops, as he gets up most frantically. "What the? Err your tryna touch my bum, your tryna touch my bum."
Jumping up and my heart beating so hard I think both him and Ricard will see it I say "No you idiot, you sat on my hand."

"Rogue, it's me" Not that I hear voice, ok maybe I just did. But it sounded like it was next to me. And it could of well been, we we're underneath an open window.

"Shut up, you tried to touch it 'Jerry boy'" Ok calling me 'Mowgli' was one thing, but 'Jerry boy' what the hell was that one all about? And because I didn't know what it mean the big....
"Shut up you half cast pickney, go suck your mudda", words swung right out my mouth that I don't normally use, but yes I do normally hear after all, I'm growing up around a lot of Jamaicans, Ja-fakens, Dominicans, Trinidadians and so on. All they do is use words like that, I don't really understand. I know half cast means your parents are different races, though.
"Shut up" He pushes me in the chest, "Shut up, you look like a hungry Somalian Packi!" pushing me again in the chest I push back. Ricard stands up and attempts to separate us. Not allowing him Georgie and I both push him back on the bench, but he misses and falls to the ground. He runs off. I swing for him, fist of fury towards his direction, come in from my right and curling into his left. I  miss as, he dodges back and under. "Ahhh, you tryna punch me rude boy?" Asking me to state the obvious I swing again this time making sure I step forward as it glides through the air. My body temperature rise and I'm hoping for another 'Crimson rain'. One blow to the face, his face and creamy boys eyes flicker upwards to the blue-grey clouds. Looking over his shoulder I notice the Oriental boy watching, holding a tennis racket and wearing the most ugly purple puffer jacket at least four sizes too big, poor thing is drown in his clothes while he watches on.
Noticing Georgie's fist coming towards me, I had hoped my blow was enough like in the movies, hoping he had been K.Od on the floor. It's seem wishing and hoping in reality right now is only for fools. Impact on my lip, lower right almost centred, split. The heat in the lip grows, it thumps and beats like it has now grown it's self it's own heart. hotter and hotter then a cool, stinging like breeze sweeps over it. I touch looking at him. The words "Fight, fight ,fight, fight!" are getting yelled towards us from a heard of children in a large circle. I can't see, little Ori cute boy and his purple jacket. Not through this. The children came from nowhere Ricard stands in the circle of hounds with Rio and the others. "Mash him up Roe, mash him." Savages yell at me, that metal sweet taste of blood is nice and I am getting even more bothered by the thought of having to beat down on someone I like (the look of). I don't want to hurt his face but already doing that, viewing the fist shaped red mark on his face I continue, I slap with one hand, connecting and then in with the other and as I go in to kick one of those kicks where you step back and push in hard front ways, the teacher in the brown tinted glass strapped to his head, white polo neck too tight for his pregnant belly and short way too short shorts, up his arse, holds onto my leg. Holding Georgie back. "What the hell is going on with you two?" the crowd of hounds goes in to a fearful silence and bodies depart the circle, looking back at us unwillingly. As he lets go of my leg and letting go of Georgie's shoulder, I kick him in the leg and grab hold of something no so big between his legs (and it was kind of lumpy). I twist myself round and pull with all my might, at this point I don't care who I'm hurting just as long as everyone knows not to come near me. Georgie runs off, "You little shit" The teacher screams at me.
"Dad" his son runs our way and the crowd that slowly seemed to depart has now gathered again. Georgie at the front. I head butt where I had been clinging onto, as to rip it right off,  attempt to run after Georgie and begin to fly. My legs dangle and the kids laugh. I have been caught like a fish in a fish bowl. Two more teachers have come out of the playground and as I thrash at them to let me go they take me up to the Head Mistress's office.
It was weird how quick they got me up those stairs and even more so weird that three men had to carry me up to the Head Mistress. She was buck toothed, wore thick glasses with small rectangles at the bottom of them, straw like ginger hair and her grin was stain of coffee as was her breath. Short wearing, male teacher stands behind me at the door as  sit in front of her and the desk. I don't hear a word of what is being said to me all I'm thinking of is the voice saying "Rogue it's me." and oddly knowing who it is. Ashlley.
 I just see the marble eggs on the desk. I just see one of the marbles eggs in my hand. Turning round, looking in now his way the room is brown seemingly coffee stained like her breath, I can smell it even when not looking at her. Screaming "Brush your teeth, you white bitch" I notice that the egg is no longer in my hand and he is on the floor, cowering at the doors entrance. A look to whats on his left and it's an old arm chair, black leather. "He's an animal" he screams out and looks in my direction still holding his forehead which streams a graceful flow of blood and debris. Sweat beads, dance along his sideburns and his face has gone from pasty white to fuming red.

I have no idea why I get these moments of rage where I have no recollection what I have done or why I am doing. It comes so quickly, that burning feeling and all I want to see is blood and tears. Never feeling sorry after, I guess this is all just a test for TS and my next meeting with him. Hopefully I will be stronger and older then, cause those three men handled me. Hey it took three men maybe I am ready.

Mum has to pick me up early. I guess I won't be in this school for long after all. I don't want to leave Rio, but I know I'll see him outside of school. I know I will miss Georgie's face. Poor thing, walked passed me in the hall ways as I waited for my mum and his face looks like TJ had had a round on him, I only remember hitting him once and surely to slaps aren't gonna bruise and swell his face like it did. His left eye looks like a miniture bum on his face, weeping tears. Who's Ashlley?
When she finally come to pick me up she speaks ever so briefly to the Head Mistress and we head home. I swear, I'm going back to Daubeny.



© 2010 - 2011. All rights reserved N P Rogue Laudat-Scott 'Mind of Rogue' and 'Memoirs of Marbie'

MEMOIRS OF MARBIE: One Man, One Girl, One Boy, One Woman

September 1990: Waking up after the long winded dinner at Rio's house, I am still thinking of the memory. Whilst eating my water soaked Weetabix, because someone had finished the milk that morning I really want to go back down stairs and finish playing 'Mums and Dads' with Rio (That morning we humped each other with our clothes on.

Just thinking of the time I saw her lifeless. Ramona and I were upstairs in her bedroom listening to her 'New Kids on The Block' LP, we were dancing and she was teaching me the new moves. I hear the loud savage like arguing going on down stairs but choose to ignore it a little, I mean him and her had arguments almost all the time. So loud sometimes me and my sister would have to go next door to play with Samson and Helena. "Turn it down. Listen." Ramona says  to me sitting on her 'Rainbow Brite' duvet cover on her bed (The Plush Horse sits there in the corner as if it too knows whats going on). So I turn down the music with jagged movements turning the nob so it's not so apparent that we are listening in. It's hard to hear everything that is going on, so we both open the door, scatter to the top of our stairs and listen closly. I begin to do that bottom bump thing children do going down the stairs, "Rogue stop, they're going to see you."
"So, it will make them stop." I respond. One woman and one man arguing like who was the first in line in the Leo's line with their groceries, but just a little more heated (You know how adults can get). A one woman screams, my mother screams and belts out "What the bloodclart man TS?", Ramona zooms past me and jumps up the other landing as if she hadn't even touched the floor, it looked as if she hovered right over. Ramona screams out words I can't make out and I hear a thud on one of the doors. I bottom bump faster down the stairs and up the landing to see Ramona has fallen on to the door and slowly, dripping like slim' like down the door. Was she pushed or was it a mis-footing? One woman, my mother,  is on the fall, lifeless and Ramona  looks at me with tears in her eyes. Staring at the one man with dreadlocks raining down his back, I can feel that burning sensation I felt when helping that girl make the world witness crimson rain. I walk slowly, attempting to grip onto the wood chip wall paper. Feeling like the air in my lung is being squeezed out my a serpent wrapping it body round every organ of my body. I look at Ramona and she stands up.
"Look what he did." I look at her eyes, her eyes say so much that I'm not sure I want to know right now. Filled with red veins and water accumulating and waiting to break the lids path, I can see that her words seem to say 'Dead'. Is she dead? How did he kill her? And why is that mother fucker still in my house?
"You mother fucker what did you do? You fucker! Fuck you, I'm gonna kill you!" I'm begin shouting at this tall black but light skinned man, with his stinky dreadlocks that fashion down his back. Now standing next to my sister in the hall with our back against the living room door and facing the kitchen, I look into the kitchen and the shinny, just cleaned, silvery allure of the knives call to me. I become filled with the though of wanting to be She-ra with the muscle of He-man (She-ra was way better). TS, looks down and the floor, I too look down at her lifeless body. Pouncing over her, like a jaguar capturing it's pray, climbing up the side work surfaces as if I had no choice but to hide my newly caught meal up there, I leave my soul at the tops of the kitchen work tops, he turns round and as he looks like he wants to stop me, "Mum wake up" Ramona shouts down at her and slaps her on the face twice, just like those slaps you see on T.V, she pour water on her from the vase that stood on the glass, rose embossed coffee table. I carry on towards him, the air begins to thicken and heats up all around me.
"Roguey, stop it." The faint, voice of her slips from her lips and with an almighty force, turns the air in front of me into bricks, shielding him from the happy, blood thirsty blade, me continuing to gallop towards him and him from what it seemed to be readying himself to giving me a back blow with his wide, thick, dry paddle looking hand. She alive and I'm grateful, but she doesn't seem herself. As he helps her to her feet, Ramona runs back  into the living room sitting on the sofa in front of the window facing the street. No cars are passing and it's a main road. It's like the world really does stop sometimes.
"Don't touch my mummy you fucking, fuck, fuck-head." I scream at him, to which my mum pushes me away with a gesture of her hand. Can't believe she'd defend him.
A few months later and me not really noticing anything going on around me, I just thought she was getting fat. I found out like Genesis 30:5 And she became pregnant and bore him a son, which they called Meadow. Meadow in my eyes was the seed of the damned and I will never accept him. TS soon vanished like he knew what was coming, like he knew the older I got I was preparing myself to go to prison for ending his life for laying his hands on 'MY MOTHER'. I vowed if I were to see him again when I'm 10, 15, 19 or any age I will end his life for almost taking my Mary's, and planting his deadly seed in her garden of what was once Eden. No man, One girl, Two boys One woman.

"Rogue why do you stare in to thin air all the time?, you're such a numpty?" Rio sitting behind me with his legs wrapped round my body asks me, and although I know the answer, I know that telling him what I am really thinking isn't going to help either of us in any way. So i turn around and tell him how much I like playing 'Mums and dads' with him. "Open you mouth." he asks me.
"No, cause your just gonna spit in it or something." I rapidly spit out at him, remembering the time Matthew had tricked me into doing so before giving me a taste of him in a 'Oh so' not good way.
"No I won't just do it." Turning into Royley almost in his speech, I know I can trust him. So I do. I open my mouth and he gets closer, closing my eyes as his nose touches mine I hear him inhale, the inhaling sound, sounds like his getting ready to gob at me, so I crack a peek through my right eye. He's licking his lips. He puts is lips over mine and his eyes are too closed so I close mine back. He begins to suck on my tongue, gently and then harder. I flap my tongue around in a struggle and he lets go. "What? it's a french kiss." What's french I'm thinking.
"Oh... Just do it soft like when you started, that was nice." I look at him with my head cocked to one side like a bemused puppy and he gives me a grin of 'You're okay with me'. I close my eyes and he tells me to do the same to him. Oceans are being created in our mouths, soft and wet, warm wild tongues playing like kittens with each other, we hug and hold on for dear like like a chimp on it's mother's breasts in the tree tops. This is Rio and me, connecting in a whole new way, putting my hand on the ground as I feel like I'm about to loose balance as he is pushing forwards onto me, he quickly moves my hand onto his belly, pushing it down his pants, and I feel a hard, but soft (Like large bone wrapped up in a medium thickness of play dough), it's feels like a banana as it curves side ways and it's much bigger than my hand, it's popping way up above my fist as I wrap my fingers round. We hear his mum coming down the stairs and stop kissing immediately, forgetting to take my hand out he shouts out 'Mum?' questioning if it's her. The footsteps stop on the stairs, I take my hand out and she replies with a 'Yes?' and he responds back with a 'Nothing'. Smarter than I thought
I can't wait for Monday, for school, we can play 'Bum bums'.
"Don't tell anyone." He says looking at his pants and fixing himself or something in his underwear. Next time I want to see it. Next time I will.

Monday morning, I'm greeted by Kemo, telling me Ricard is with Georgie and Stefarna. Turning the corner before getting into the classroom Georgie is there. No really seriously he is there in front of me looking hotter than Rio. Oriental typed eyes, jet black hair swept back like in the 'Grease' movie, booty like 'POW!' and his skin was creamy, almost yellow. I've never seen a mixed race (Black and white) person with such fair skin and such dark features. He was, look wise: Stewart, Cemal and Rio all in one.



© 2010 - 2011. All rights reserved N P Rogue Laudat-Scott 'Mind of Rogue' and 'Memoirs of Marbie'

MEMOIRS OF MARBIE: Transitions (prt 4) Rio's rays of Sunshine

September 1990: After asking me whether I wanted to play 'Mums and Dads', Rio crept to the bunk-bed he shared with his brother Royley and I remember her on the floor. I watch his cute round bum softly jiggle, up and down, side to side. He climbed up on to the bed and sat on the edge close to where the ladder was situated on the worn, word carved and sticker plastered frame. I never did understand why my friends parent's would allow them to deface their bedroom furniture and walls. His bedroom was large, larger than his mum's. Pale blue paint, with smudges of hand prints and other greasy marks. Had it been my bedroom my mother would have had me clean those walls, like she did almost every weekend. Not only were the walls greasy but him and his brother Royley had graffitied the wall which the bunk-bed was touching with words of what they must have thought was wisdom and coolness at the time. 'Royley woz ere' 'Bad boy Rio' 'Dread masters rule', they weren't even Rastafarians. The middle of the bed frame was littered with all sorts of stickers, from shoe stickers, price tags from food produce and I swear I saw a piece of hard, old dust collecting Hubba-Bubba bubble gum in one of the corner joints. Not the most well presented room, but hey at least it's clean and tidy. He's watching me and I get up to walk to the window, "Come on then lets play mums and dads."
"In a minute I want to see what the chickens are doing. They stink maybe we should go clean them out." My being an animal activist, I thought is was inhuman to just leave an animal in its own shit, plus these are the same chicken that will bare the eggs in the morning that I will have to collect with Rio in the morning, wash them, crack them and then cook them to eat. You see Rio's mum was one of those mum's that liked to allow her children to do things for themselves, so most of my learning how to do things came from Aunt Jacky. My friend's couldn't understand how she was my Aunt because she was white and it never really dawned on me what colour she was until they said. She could have been blood red with green eyes,  skin tone just wasn't on top of any of my lists to care about.
"No, we'll do that in the morning before we get the eggs for breakfast" Rio responds, as I thought. Turning up my nose and being careful not to let him see my disgust, press my face to the bedroom window forgetting that it's ajar slightly, so the smell of the chicken shit, swiftly prods it's fingers up my nose and down my throat, leading it's way to my tongue. I can literally taste bird shit. Not caring my eyes wonder to the coop Aunt Jacky's husband TJ (NOT MY UNCLE NOR RIO'S DAD, WE HATE HIM) has made.

Name: TJ
Sex: Adult male
Description: Just taller than myself, Dark skinned with razor bumps all over his jar bone, flaking and the regrowth of his hair was sharp. His head was square like and his hair shaved down low, but not skin, I guess this it what a boxer should look like, I mean Mike Tyson does. Lips as thick as bike tyres, the top one dark and wrinkled but not dry, the bottom one looked swollen and pink with thin dark lines in the middle of it from where he smokes his long stinky cigarettes he makes with real cigarettes and another thing that looks like moss. His arms full of muscle larger than my head and riddled with veins that looked like a child went crazy with dark brown Crayola on him, thick legs huger than my bodies width. His voice boomed, like a silver back gorilla, his nose was spread across his face like one also. And although I've know him for many years I don't really know much of him, he just sits in the chair, no one else dares sit in, in the living room, his nest and watches the boxing when he is busy punching at someones face. If you ask me, don't say I said but he looks as if he's lost a lot a fights, maybe thats why he barely speaks. Because he's sad.

 It's large and takes over almost the whole garden, in a way I'm thankful it does, as the space was only soil any way, seeds of grass were never planted and not even a weed grew there. That disturbed me, a garden full soil surrounded by trees and yet still there is no growth of any kind, surely that isn't normal. Tall, dark, water rotted fences surrounding the large square of soil, trees on all three sides taller than the houses, loomed over the garden like adults, joyfully looking at a new born baby through the glass, you sometimes see on TV. The trees never seemed to get green, their leaves were always as black as night and barley any sun light came through their tops but somehow when the leaves fell they were an orange-brown colour like they did have some life in them. 1, 2 and 3 I spot all three chickens in the rays of sun shine that are able to break through the barriers of the tree tops. I lift the window up ever so lightly hoping he doesn't notice what I am about to do. "Don't" he sternly tells me, but carrying on looking over my left shoulder, blowing off the curtain from my face I smile at him and turn back.
"I'm climbing through the window." I say, some would say in a devious way.
"Then use the back door." A creak of the bed sounds and I quickly turn my head back to see if he had got off, but he has changed posture, to sitting on the edge to now laying on his side like those sexy women do in those sexy magazine Royley had stuffed in the tear of his mattress and underneath it.
"Your dog is, and" He had this little cute dog, long hair, brown and white just about as tall as where my shins meet my knee. But she was a Bitch and I mean she just didn't seem to like me for some reason, even though I would be at his house like every other day.
"She won't bark at you if I come, do you want me to come? I need to go toilet any way." The way he says it doesn't make me want to believe him, you know when you can just tell someone is lying when you've know them for so long, know them from practically birth.
"Rio and Rogue, dinners gonna be ready in 5 minutes, come up and get your stuff ready!" Aunty hails down from the kitchen, but because the kitchen is above his bedroom it sounds like she is actually in the garden in one of the darkened corners somewhere. Yum the smell of hotpot and gravy and carrots I can't wait.
I shout out 'Ok' only to feel something warm on my bottom press against me and two hands that aren't mine (But I still look at mine on the window frame to check like and idiot) snake their way to my belly. His 'Ok' could have deafened me as it was in sync with mine and it was still bellowing in my ear cavity, but I allow him to continue to press his body against mine, now feeling his breathe on the back of my neck and the wave of rushing goose pimples from my spine bone to the top of my head make me shiver. "I thought we were gonna play mums and dads?" his voice sounds bothered, bothered in the sense that I have ignored the gesture, trying to climb out the window to clean the chicken before sunrise. His grip tightens and tugs at my t-shirt and one of his hand finds it's way on to the skin of my belly, cold, but with every quickening moment I can feel the warmth of his palms meeting mine.
"All right, lets play after dinner." I push him away with my bottom and quickly turn around, the thought of having to play 'mums and dads' with him confused me, I mean I only played that rarely back at Daubeny with Dee, Annah and Stewart. The boys were the dads and the girls were the mums, never were there a boy who was a mum and the other the dad. "Come on lets go up stairs." I say to him lowering my head like a cowering puppy being confronted by its parent and too I notice his face is far from amused. So I get up and change my attitude like a bipolar patient and become stern and to the point, walking not get half way through the bedroom Rio dives at my feet and I'm having to break my fall with my little knobbly arms. Attempting to kick him off, he wraps both his arms round my legs, although he's small than me the boy is strong. Climbing my legs like a ladder the last few scenes of " Indiana Jones and the Temple of doom" where Indi and the Evil Hindi man battle, my heart begins to race and I hold my breathe to force out my final 'fish out of water' slap motion with my legs. It works but him rolling over and me crawling away toward the door does not lag him, in fact it seems to give him that much more of a friary will to keep me from getting to the door. Screaming out, "Aunty Jacky!" praying that she hears a scream I thought was loud, but because of holding my breathe for the kick came out muffled he covers my mouth. Did she hear it any way? Rolling me around to face him, him on top and those once black as night eyes, shining with allure that so intrigued me into being so mischievous with him thicken with a lust I had never seen, they scooped me up and had me swirling in their cyclone frenzy, his golden fluxed skin congested with a hot blood source, getting redder and darker. The room blurs and gets darker, the light bulb darkens with the room and it's as if I leave the situation.

"You mother fucker what did you do? You fucker! Fuck you! I'm gonna kill you" I'm shouting at a tall black but light skinned man with dread locks down his back and a thick black beard (TS), standing next to my sister in the hall way, my back toward the entrance of the living room staring at him, I look into the kitchen and see the knives. The thought of me become He-man passes through my mind my She-ra was more interesting. Ramona is crying, the man is just staring at the ground, I too look down and she is lifeless. I jump over her body and pounce into the kitchen.

Back in the room with Rio, he looks at me like he's seen a ghost. "Roe are you okay?" He asks me, slipping through the cracks of time briefly I look back up at him still, above me with his hands firmly planted to the ground.
"Yes!" I replied back with the ever so fresh memory of her just laying lifeless on the floor.
"Five minutes is up where are you?" Aunt Jacky shouts down. Rio allows me to get to my knees and he sits on his looking at me, looking at me with a hint of sorrow. Looking over his shoulder, watching the curtains gently dance in the wind I lift my hand up at point towards them. "Close the window, it fucking stinks." With a nod of his head he gets up and goes to close the window and I looking at the 'Panther Transformer' cartoon picture on his bed-spread, glide across the floor behind him. "My turn" I say with a whisper.
"No, still mine" He turns round, placing his hand behind him on the window frame he pushes down sharply. He grabs me forward and hugs me, "Don't do that again" to what he meant by that I don't know. Like synchronised swimmers in our odd embrace, we gentle move and lay together on the floor. He kiss me on my neck and snuggles in to it, I feel his breathing getting deeper and slower.
With a loud sonic boom the door opens and hits the bedroom wall, Royley holding his left hand on the door frame stares down at us, Herculean he stands with strength. We shoot up and whiplashingly look at each other and back to him.
"Did you not hear mum?" he says in a frustrated "And what you doing?" He looks at us and all corners of the room, then back at us then walks up knowing we were going to follow. Going up the stairs to get dinner the smell of hotpot doesn't seem all that appetising anymore as I start the vision of her on the floor reoccurs. Looking at Aunty Jacky in the kitchen and TJ her husband at the dinner table, I wonder as a ray of sunshine from the living room reflects from one mirror to another into the kitchen 'When they argue like they do when Royley, Rio and me have to stay in the bedroom and not come out till she comes and gets us, or it goes silent and we wait minutes feeling like hours to leave the room, does he hit her like TS hit my mum that time?'.


© 2010 - 2011. All rights reserved N P Rogue Laudat-Scott 'Mind of Rogue' and 'Memoirs of Marbie'

MEMOIRS OF MARBIE: Transitions (prt 3)

September 1990: Packing all my new things in my school bag, I was lucky to get a pencil case and a few artist pencils that I had been dying for my mum to get me and at this time 'Trolls', these little funny looking figure toys with synthetic hair (Coming in all different style and colours) were the in thing. I had a miniature one on each pencil, I thought I was the 'Bee's Knees', cause these things were not cheap. Either everyone had them and liked yours and wanted to swap, or those unfortunate not to have them would say that they were only for girls and that they were rubbish, stupid toys any way. (Little did the kids know these were to become yet again, one of those toys that became a collectors item as they had been selling way before the 90's).

I'm really excited now, knowing that I'm going to be with Rio, almost every day of my life. Rio and myself have been friends since I can't even tell you. Our mums had meet in hospital and stayed close friends since. I was born three months premature so staying in an incubator whilst them two (Our mothers) chit chatted and comforted one another for a further week or so, they must have shared some stories or shared a common interest, (Black, Asian, Mixed men, I say no more). 

Name: Rio

Sex: Male

Description: About a few inches shorter than I, his skin dripped with golden fluxes layered on caramel skin. His Hair was soft, bouncy and had a kinky curl to it. Nowhere as curly as mine is. Little chipmunk cheeks, matched his Cupid's bow, browning pink, plump but small lips. His nose was a little 'Devil may care' crocked, but you would be able to tell if you were not looking for it. Eyes as black as night, shining with the allure of my name's meaning 'Mischievous'. He is all the the dream for all the girls around the way yet he only had eyes for one girl. The one girl I would now meet very soon. Carlean.  Attitude was that of a older child's, he moved with some swag and his talk was pure East London street, ghetto mixed race child who of all things, know he has it going on. Very much an Alpha male of his pack of Lions, Three days apart from each other. He was born first. Tad bit on the slim side, but damn did he have a booty that made him even much more of a cutie. 

"Can I be in Rio's class?" I ask the head teacher of the school on my first visit.

"No, you two together out of school is one thing, but in school is another. Don't pay him no mind Mrs Coughtold." my mum already knew what I was probably about to start thinking.

"No worries Ms Lorday, Rogue from what we see will be in the arch tier of the school year. record shows although he has been known to be boisterous, he was a good student in the class room so" I log out of the conversation as it started to bore me. 

Just remembering my first visit, I am glad to go there now to the school for those that can't behave. I will make it my business to be who I am inside, letting out the soul trapped in me that dare Stewart and Cemal helped to unleash.

The building is tall and wide, there are smaller hut like buildings (they look so man made) scattered around the play ground, 5 of them. This looks like a place I don't want to really be. But I notice they have toilets outside in the play ground, meaning I don't have to go into the main school building to go to the toilets, meaning I can play 'Bum-Bums' with out have to go inside and have teachers walk in and out of the toilets scanning for misbehaviour (Cause it did happen, but I was lucky in only peeing when it did occur) There are loads of hiding space out in this play ground it's almost a better site, for all the games I played with Stewart, Jags, Cemal and Jerome. I need to visit them, it's been too long, they need to see this place. Maybe they can come here too. How?

Walking through the corridors as my mum leaves me with Simba, (My new Teacher), I'm wondering when I'm actually going to get to the class, it seems forever to get to the class. 

"Good morning Blue class, this is Rogue Lorday and he will be joining the class as of from today. Ricard and Kemo, like I said to you last term you two will be looking after him for the next few weeks, showing him around." Great I'm now in Cemal's position but looking at these boys makes me feel as if I'm about to go to prison or worse yet I'm already there. Ricard had a scare down the middle of his forehead curving into his right eye and his eyes were bugling out of his head as if his mother really did forget that inter-species relationships was illegal, he looked like a frog. Kemo was as dark as dark can get and as tall as he was, standing up he seemed to sway in his posture, like any little breeze would topple him over. I am not impressed with these inbreed looking dudes, they look like gang rapist, not that I know what gang rapist are, but from what my mum and her friends talk about, they aren't nice people. 

"Rogue, come sit with us then init. He's Kemo, I'm Ricard." Ricard's eyes wonder down to my transparent pencil case and notices something that amuses him. "You got trolls? Wicked. I got one, I got it form this boy on my estate." And another Great in my mind pops up, I'm going to be shown the rope by a Ger-Charbie. Thanks mum. 

"Yeah I have loads of them, my Grand Dad buys me one when he gets me cars." I say to him scanning the class room looking for some better company to acquaintance myself with. So there's three oriental boys in one corner of the room, with their rules on their work sheet. One of them has tape on the middle of his glasses and dried boogers under his nose. Looking up at me he smiles a toothy grin, a grin worthy of a food processor, damn I thought the number was 32 not 100 and then 32. The other two, short and fat is one who looks like the pig displayed on the Chinese New Year calender and the other tall and lanky who looks like 'Lurch' from the Addams family. Hearing someone talk to me I slow sway my head back round to Ricard but notice the Gem of the class, Stefarna. Dark coco buttered skin, wired but so attractively looks like a mare running with her two corn-row pig-tail plaits, with blue and pink bows at the end of her thick black, black hair. I always had a fascination, with black people's hair, why did I have their skin and not the hair. I love it, the smell, the feel, the way it can just stay the way they put it. Like plasticine. 

"We're doing maths right now." Ricard injects me with words I don't really want to hear, but now I'm here, I guess Maths is what I have to do. He seems nice, but the book cover is a state that, is in desperate need of republishing.

Our play time break comes and I dart out with rest of them, with some odd homing devise I home right onto Rio. "Rio!" I shout out running towards him, he's hanging out with Herculean children and children our age. One of the Herculean ones  is a sweet looking white girl, Jacey. She looks like a model. She looks at me and I her and our eyes lock for what it seem to be minutes. The sun's rays are not as strong any more, but the breeze that sweeps between our two, tall bodies, wraps round us and seemingly intertwines  ours souls.

"Rogue, you're here! Wicked man." He flicks his hands and fingers in the way the older black men around us do when they were excited about some thing. Sort of, in the way that Jerome would get excited, clapping his hands like a seal, but in a more they have Tourette's syndrome in one of their hands instead of speech. I never really did get it, but hey to be of a part, I did it too, so they would look at me and think 'Mowgli'. He introduced me to them all, Carlean, Stefarna, Lee, Jacey, Deedee, Kemarli, Chris and a few others. Whilst he did introduce me to them I noticed that the other kids around us, not in the large, but small group, didn't really play, they just watched us and what was going on. Is this?, is he?, am I now part of the Elite group again in  school once again. But this time a mixed elite group. A group that obviously all the other kids want to be part of? No, I'm not, well I am but the other kids aren't looking at us because they want to be part of the group as I notice on their faces (that look so tiny) they have the face of fear on their faces. 

A brief emotion of sadness blows me off my feet and I sit down on the bench we have all accumulated at and then, I get the feeling of sheer power. "Toilets." I just needed to go to the toilets and really wanted to see which one of these boys would follow my lead (as Rio was obviously the almighty in this pack, but that needed to change as he was soft around me out side school). Lee was about to, I saw until Rio and Ricard had spoken to him, he walks off Tashi. 

Funny how someone so soft can be so hard and dominant in a different environment. I've seen the cracks in Rio's Golden painted porcelain  now and if I ever need to, will pry them open if I'm crossed. closing in to the toilets I can hear massive cheers and laughter coming out of there. This will not be a place for my DLR express services (Dirty little rendezvous). But as I get in the door way trying not to lurk, the browning of the walls doesn't really excite me, the damp and dripping wet overhead pipes, with green growth on their dark rusted steel, the barred up windows, the black yet mould stained toilet tanks, with graffiti is turning me right off. Turning right further into the toilets, I see that long urinal. Boys pissing up the walls above the urinal, onto targets they had made out of the covers of our exercise books given to us, etched on them targets. Three boys, one Oriental and cute the other two Kemo and some other, black boy. This is the first time I'm seeing more that one and to be honest the surroundings make it feel disgusting, like a dungeon for inbreeds, who get excitement from almost pissing on each other. Just realising the strong, dehydrated smell of the urine stained surrounds I kick open a door to one of the cubicles pull my fly down, look down in the toilet just to see it full of pencils and books, pissed all over. Quickly going to the next one getting closer to the boys at the urinal I kick the other door open (I'm not touching anything in here), there a huge turd just begging to be cleaned up or have someones face shoved in it. Great the third and last is right behind these morons, kicking it open I'm only thankful to see there a half smoked cigarette on the floor next to the bowl of the toilet. Hold on what the hell is a fag doing in school? My mother has really put me in some slum. 

As the day comes to its end and I have to admit it was an interesting day I prepare for my over night stay at Rio's. His mum waits for us at the school prison types gates and we walk not even 200 metres to her home down the road. 

Me and my trolls, him in his bedroom, he shares with his brother Royley, us looking at each other not knowing what to do. The clucking and odd sounds of the chickens in his garden are so off putting and having the window open, the smell is horrid. "Wanna play mums and dads?" he asks me.

© 2010 - 2011. All rights reserved N P Rogue Laudat-Scott 'Mind of Rogue' and 'Memoirs of Marbie'

MEMOIRS OF MARBIE: Transitions (prt 2)

August 1990: Looking down at my feet in the middle of the darkness of a musky battered fabric interior car. Alone I am waiting for the man to return in his leather jacket, as I sit bored on the back seats only the oragne glow of the street lamps seem to give me any comfort. Unsure of why  I'm here with this man, what does he want with me and why has he brought me to this ghost town of a road that we he has parked on. Watching the house he had gone into, a three level house, all he lights are on apart from the middle. He comes out and opens my door, "Come on Rogue, get out of the car" he says to me in his gravelly, base-like voice. Unaware of what is in this house I jump out the car, crossing the wet street and into the house. The door cracked open he pushes me forward, walking with hesitation, I want my mother to be here but where is she? And why am I here with him? "Say hello" he said to me as we stopped at the entrance of what seemed to be the living room. A pretty asian lady sat in a brown sofa with clothes piles up neatly beside her, she grunts a 'Hello' back at me. She doesn't seem to know who I am and doesn't seem to care. "That's your sister. Go up stairs with her." He turns me around and I see this girl that looks just like me, but her hair is long, ties up in two buns and if it didn't look so ratty her hair would be silky straight. The man, my dad, introduces me to a girl, my sister who is the same age I'm guessing as Ramona, but she isn't very Herculean looking, she's scrawny, like me. A female, Mowgli.
So as I go upstairs with her my dad turns back into the living room. The lady and him begin to speak and I only catch a few words before getting to the top, cute, stay, far, old. Non of which mean anything to me.
"Are you hungry?" the girl says to me, standing in front of those plastic made, children sized cookers probably bought from Toys'R'Us. She stirs water in one of those toys bans with a silver spoon.
"No, no I'm not. My mum gives me real food." I'm looking at this girl as if she's a nut job and still stuck in the thoughts that my mum hasn't said why I was going to be with the man, my father tonight after so long, he hasn't mentioned a sister until tonight and now I'm supposed to play happy siblings.
"Ok, lets get something in this soup then." She smiles at me and I feel like maybe I should play along with her. The talking downstairs begins to get louder into shouting we both look towards it. The girl who has no name yet, walks into a room and come out with toilet tissue paper. Putting it in the water she continues to stir, each circular motion I look at her face studying the concoction, as if it's about to be the best meal the both of us will share.
"Eat it!" she pulls the wet tissue out on the spoon and attempts to shove it in my mouth, I back off, my statement of saying 'No', but she persists with pushing it on my tightly closed lips.
"Fuck off you stupid bitch, I don't want that wet tissue and you're no my sister, because you're a paki." I push her backwards and then stand up from my passive sitting position and she looks at me with disgust.
"Eat it you little runt, or I will tell dad you swore at me."
"Go on then." I scream back and then just before she opens her mouth, the rage comes again, I grab her and swing her in the direction of the stairs, rolling down them, I run following her tumbling weed body, jump over her at the bottom, "John, she's trying to make me eat tissue paper." The lady and the man look at me, with those unimpressed adult eyes of "You just interrupted our talk, what have you heard" glare.
"Go back upstairs" he says to us both, his voice booms through the house, the girl scatters up the stairs clenching one of her knees and I slowly follow, because I don't know this man or what he is capable of doing to me, if I don't listen. I'm not about to get a blow like she sometimes did.
After a few moments he come up stairs and holds his hand out to me to follow.

"Rogue! Rogue, come on, we're here now. We need to get off and look for Gran Dad. Are you listening?" Ramona is all up in my face and although I'm staring out the window, looking at the people on the platform, I'm surprised we've arrived so quick. Or maybe not, the clock shows it's 5pm and I know we left London about 11am.
"Yeah Mona, I'm coming." It wasn't often that I thought about my sperm donor and nor did I care really. I mean who would care about something thing they don't know. Kind of like caring what some family will be eating in Brazil for breakfast, why would you? Although I must have been around my donor numerous times, that is my first memory of him. Bleak and unworthy to be called the F word.

We didn't have to wait long before Gran dad showed up, he was probably there before we were any way.
The next morning I after eating my Granny's 'Special K' cereal in the living room I asked if I could go and play out side with, Matthew, Diane and Amelia. They were my Chorley buddies. Every summer we would know we would surely meet again. I did hate the fact they called my sister 'Blackie' though, it just seemed wrong for them to introduce her to new people and sometimes myself as 'The Blackies'. I think it was quite obvious we weren't white children. And although they never said it in a superior way, I knew that if they had said it in London someone would have got a beat down like Mike Tyson did by James 'Buster' Douglas earlier on this year.
So going to Matthew's house, I knock on his door. "Hi Rogue, Matthew is round the back in his tent. Go round ta the back gate, it'd be open lad." I loved the way people in Chorley spoke, their accent's were so much more exotic to those of the Charbies in London. So I went round to the back. Only to see this massive green Tent that could hold a family, had been erected in such a small space.
He had everything in there, biscuits, bottles of drink, donuts, sausage sandwiches (That I wasn't about to eat cause goodness know how long they had been waiting around for a mouth to dig in to them), he was searching for something in a bag.
"Oh, Roe pass me that bottle. Come sit next to me."

Name: Matthew
Sex: Male
Age: 10
Description: Tall and lanky, wearing clothes on him as to hide the meatless, living carcus. Cute in the face with the sharpest nose I've ever seen. Deep Brown eyes and greasy dog like hair. Matthew was indeed one of those boys that didn't really care what he looked like when out and about in his free time. He looked a mess, his jeans were two size too small at the legs and the rope that head them up on his waist was fraying with age. He loved that rope, for years now he's had it. (He did own belts I'd seen them). Although I only saw him some times for 4-6 weeks in the summer and then at Christmas's and easter time, he was one of my closest friends.

So sitting next to him going on about how his school year has been and that he's going to Secondary school soon in town. You see he, we, lived on a road that was a quiet as a ghost town. Two local shops that didn't sell anything remotely useful for the household. They were both sweet shops and shops they sold Alcohol. It's baking in the tent and the sun beats directly down upon it making me feel like I should be in an oven on gas mark 15. Okay so it wasn't that hot, but Matts faces was saying otherwise as the sweat dripped out of his hair like a fountain of perpetual stream of bacon grease, slicking his hair to his forehead.
Sitting crossed legged in front of each other he asked me to open my mouth and close my eyes. Had he been any other Tom, Dick or Harry I would have declined, but I knew that I would be fine with him. After all, he's got palters of food in the tent what was he going to put in my mouth.
Closing my eyes, feeling like I'm betraying Stewart, my heart begins to race and then it suddenly stops. It's like I'm in a trance. Hearing the birds and dogs alone, I'm one with nature and my body melts into the heat of the air in the tent. I'm now cool, calm and collected, bending forward into him I can feel his warm sweet, sugar stained breath on my lips. Just to hear a mouth blow come from him. I get a mouthful of his spit. Not impressed, I ask him to do the same and he declines my offer.
I pounce on him rolling around in the tent, I was hoping I was going to get a kiss from him, but instead I got spit. But then I didn't really want a kiss from a Bacon fat, dripping dude any way. I just didn't see him like that.
As we wrestled in the tent, his Mum calls out to us both to get some lunch. He pulls a Stewart on me. Laying on top of me, pinning my arms above my head, I can feel the concrete under me start to shudder. "This is it, play time over" I'm thinking to myself as he stares at me and I stare at the tents gentle quivering fabric, wishing he dare not come any closer. These lips belonged to Stewart, even Cemal was a crime. At first his body on mine was heavy and soft, I was able to endure the weight of his lanky but heavy log like body. I was able to endure it until I was being bayoneted by some foreign object close to his pelvis.  He thrusted on me, "Do you like that?" bemused looking up at him, I nodded even though i wanted to say 'No', he was hurting my bones and being between him and the concrete, it wasn't the most comfortable place to be. He stopped, I assume he saw I was uninterested in what he was doing. Standing up, he shows me what that stabbing thing was, to which I then became interested. Mine didn't look that big, and although It was through his jeans it looked like an elephant had unhinged it's trunk and borrowed it to him. Will mine look that big?



© 2010 - 2011. All rights reserved N P Rogue Laudat-Scott 'Mind of Rogue' and 'Memoirs of Marbie'

MEMOIRS OF MARBIE: Transitions (prt 1)

July 1990; I'm just waiting now for the curtains to close on my life. As I've broke many legs in the show that was Daubeney, the curtains are now slowly coming down and the cheers of all those in the show are drowning me.
Sitting at my scared and bubble gum tortured desk, not knowing when the day is going to come I am just waiting. Waiting is all I can do. The class room, musky, the air thick with a shuddersome ore, thats only seems to make it that much harder to breath. Yet outside the cobwebbed and dusty windows the sun gleefully shines, whispering through the window panes "There is hope, still yet to come." Watching the plants dance along the window ledge hearing, infused sounds of everything around me, some happy ones some not so, some seek to destroy me but not intentionally, but for my own good. Maybe the sun today isn't speaking to me at all, but is speaking out loud and clear to my mother. My eyes are now bathed in tears ready to break their dykes and as one clear crystal tear escapes, taking its path down my cheek and landing on my lap, I feel what I thought was the sun's rays miraculously taking solid form and tightly, softly grab me by the shoulders. "Don't cry". Turning around feeling the warmth from each single finger tip, I see the face that I had forsaken slightly and now looking and it wished I never. Stewart is with me now and today will be easier to handle, now knowing he has forgiven me for being with Cemal most of the time.


As we all come back from playtime the heavy bag my mother made me carry to school on the bus were to be opened and shared. My leaving party is here. Now party's, supposed to be a joyous occasion and even with the balloons, streamers, party hats and foods such as  Quavers crisps, Fireballs, BBQ chicken wings, pilau rice and so on, every one of us are not remotely happy. Cracking smiles on our faces, the awkward "I don't know what else to do" smiles people do.
Ms Crowley tells us that we can have playground time again to play games and have some fun. Rigging up one of those large chested, two tape deck systems with the inbuilt mic, she plays music that we have been listening to all year. Listening to songs such as Vogue, Turtle Power, Nothing compares to you, Should I go or should I stay? and other random songs recorded of the radio and from records my sister had.
The music fades in the distance as we all play. Stewart and Jags having words at the bars surprisingly, we're allowed to use both the younger's playground and the Herculean play ground, a huge scale to frolic in. The sun and clouds cloak our sadness and even help us become more high, enjoying in what it seems to be our last day. Jags and Stewart's words end and I'm still spinning in circles, hands out wide watching them all stuff their faces of the food of Hades. Running back indoors, Jags quickly returns to the ground with two large bean bags one green, the other a not so perfect yellow. He darts into the younger's, our playground, I want to follow but don't.
"Who wants to play kiss chase?" Dee shouts, whipping her long braided sand blonde hair as if she is the child of Medusa. "If you playing come here" as she stands right in front of the hut in the corner of the Herculean playground. Stewart is first, Constantina, Aaron, Alton and Gullie. "We play normal kiss chase first, then you have to chase Rogue after. He's leaving so give him a sloppy one." Yeah I disliked the bitch but from her actions I felt a little love now. The two bitches are finally getting together, but it took one, forcefully to bow out. All agreed and ready to pucker up. Now, when did this whole kiss chase game come about? Was it only us that played it? The rules were simple enough it seemed, you'd kiss the person you most wanted to kiss but you would first have to hunt them down like the men in the "George Wright over the fence fox hunting" paintings, using their friends as hounds searching for the blood that they so eagerly crave to land that kiss of "I like you" on the cheek of that lucky and in some cases unlucky sod. As always, girls were to go first. Darting in all directions I follow Alton knowing fully well I'd be safe with him.


Name: Alton
Sex: Male
Description: Aaron's best friend, geeky. Short and well built, not fat but nicely rounded in all the right places, meaning legs, arms, neck and chest. No jelly belly. Short, mouse dark brown, bowl type cut hair, a little longer at the back going in to a V shape. Always has to bring in something from the hospital for show and tell. Accident prone, Has one scare on his left knee, a straight one, looks inflicted by a blade, very clean cut, stitched up. One scare under his chin, M shaped, said he fell of his scooter. Left hand in cast, falling of trampoline when on a caravan trip. Speaks with a soft, well spoken voice but still uses the word "Init" (Rachael doesn't use that word). Glasses, two coca cola bottom lenses, frames in a thin red wire. His lips are plump, but his Chimpunky,  yellowing pink patched cheeks make me feel gross to ever go near him. He'll probably be a model when he's older and starts with the wearing of contact lenses or Laser eye surgery.


Looking back I see Stewart is with Jags again and I start to feel a rage that I possible won't be able to control just like the time I was playing rounders for P.E and I miss the ball, every one laughed including the teacher. The children barked "Out!" with the hairy teacher crossing his arms nodding at his approval of their taunts. "Miss this then." That was the first time I drew blood from another homosapien. That teacher didn't come back to school for a while.
As Alton and I get to the end of the Herculean playground, I sway my stride and make a sharp turn to intercept whatever is going on between them. Dee, she's coming for me, "Piss off Dee" I yell out. Running and closing in on my two love interests, Jags sprints off to the sides Stewart starts to run in a pace as if he's waiting for me to give him the pole in a relay race.
"Roeroe, come here" holding his hand out, I nudge a little faster speeding, and the theme tune to 'Thundercats' booms through me. He directs me to our play ground. he goes through the bricky entrance first, my left shoulder, holding on to his hand, skims the brick, a graze is left. Heading, straight to the bush barriers, we both dive in forgetting there is nothing soft at the other side. But there is.
The two bean bags, in the thickest part of the bush. The bush clouds the sights of prying, lip puckering, fox hunters. No one is in our playground, they're all in the Herculean one, wanting to be giants.


"Pinned me down, my heart is throbbing with fear as his eyes look at me with those almost soulless eyes. His mouth begins to twitch, he's gripping harder on my wrists which are above my head, spread to the sides. Smile. Slow motion, children screaming loudly, playground bell rings "In Time" a teacher shouts out. Play ground bell still donging like thunder. His lips touch mine and he pushes down. I push back."


That same feeling I felt with Stewart all those weeks ago, is so much stronger now. The thought of knowing I probably will never see him again makes me want to kiss him now. Laying down on the bean bags, we lay at each other's side, his arm underneath me and the other on my belly. He kisses me again. And the kiss is wonderful. He begins to prise open my lips with his tongue and first it feels sticky, cold and almost dry. Moistening with every forceful slip, I just open my lips a little more and lick it. Squeezing me with his arms and wrapping his well shaped legs round my spidery ones, he is the young version of Ryan Phillipe. Every moment seems like an hour of true bliss only to be interrupted minutes later with closing voice asking where the both of us have gone. 
The voices fade in to the distance all towards the Building entrance. Playtime for us now must be over. We stay in our embrace a little longer, no almost 30 minutes longer. Because when e leave the bush barrier we were confronted by the Care-taker who had been called and sent to look for us on the school grounds. 


School ends as the bell traumatically reminds me that this is my last day with them all. My mother comes to my class, meaning there isn't even a last time with Jags. I asked her if I can go and say by to Cemal as he hasn't been in class all day since he had be put in isolation for flashing us in the class room that morning. Ms Crowley wan't impressed, calling him "A disgusting, degenerate cur."  She lets me go to see him, while she chats with my teacher mentioning one word I will remember from then on "Dominica". 
I begin my travel through the bottom hall and at the other side is Cemal, he must have been released from the prison to say bye to me. Clutching something in his hands, we both run towards each other. The pulsating sounds of our feet sending shock waves of love through the hall has the class room that inhabits it to all look out of the window. Bodies becoming one we hug and we share our "I'll miss you"s, he hand me a blue car and tells me never to forget him and I know I never will. Both sobbing at the of our show the curtains have now closed, but I refuse to leave without one last encore, I land a kiss on his closed lips and get to see his 32 gleaming suns once more, before we both turn back to head to the backstage of our life. Probably never to see each other again. 
I have no idea what is going to happen from here on. Fixing on my seat belt my mother asks if I'm okay. I'm lifeless and so dramatically as she starts the car and heads home I'm wishing that the car crashes and that I go away with my ever lasting memory of Jags, Jerome, Cemal and my dear Stewart.


August 1990, Bags packed and ready to go to, up north to Chorley. Ramona my ever moaning sister and I have been taken to the train station by our mother. To journey for the first time up north alone. Me with my Gameboy and one Tetris game and her reading her 'Seventeen' magazine (Funny I'm sure it was Cameron Diaz at the front or someone that looked like her). We have ham and cheese sandwiches, crisps and juices to last the ever so long journey to Preston train station. At least my grandparents have Horses and part own a snooker club.
I can't help but still think of what I'm leaving, what I've left behind. I don't ever want to forget their faces, at least I'm still in contact with Annah. Chorley is a funny place. Somehow it's populated with only white people, how the hell did that one happen? Nothing like London. In chorley they call my sister a 'Blacky' and they call me, funny enough "Mowgli". Hours on the train trip make me welcome death, the clickerty-clacks and the swaying steward and her trolley, asking if any one wants tea or coffee like them annoying Air-stwards on British airways. Please!




Part 2 will come next week homosapiens. Thanks again for reading and please do let me know what you are thinking of my mini series so far.
For Z and J




© 2010 - 2011. All rights reserved N P Rogue Laudat-Scott 'Mind of Rogue' and 'Memoirs of Marbie'

Memoirs of Marbie: Flash, Lucozade and Woolworths

June(ish) 1990, the weather is getting even more hotter and although playing 'Bum-bums' is fun something in the air tells me something is about to change. My mom has been acting a little funny lately, talking loads on the telephone and when she picks me up from play centre, she seems to talk to all the other adults more than usual. Never underestimate what a child knows, even subconsciously, it's in the air around me as I hear their whispers and peeks from the corner of their eyes looking in my direction, the shaking of their hands and hugs and one cheeked kisses are given it all away. Something is definitely up.

Monday morning, my teacher Ms Crowley pulls me to one side "You're going to help look after a new child, you can be his new friend. His name is Cemal." Well ok then, I'm given a responsibility in looking after a newbie and we all know, children can be right fucking bastards to newbies in the playground. Cemal, I wonder what he's like?
I go to my seat in the cramped class room, dark wooden tables, with scratched names on the legs and top, bubble and chewing gum embedded on the belly of the scared table. I sit and wait, begin to draw on the table, not wanting to be mischievous or bad minded but just doing it out of boredom and the fact that I can't be bothered to ask for paper or my book. Gullie walks into the class.

Name: Gullie
Sex: Female
Description: Loner, does not have much friends she can call her own, somewhat of a leech when someone happens to pay her attention. She's an animal lover, having a tortoise, cat, dog, Guinea pig and hamster, surely her house must smell. Comes into school looking like she has been left in her Sunday's best for well over a month. She isn't dirty but she's just a scruffy little thing,
Square shape head and a moustache is not becoming of a young girl not to mention she's always digging for gold and putting it in her pocket.

"Hi Rogue! You didn't come to my house this morning..." Gleaming with excitement that she's now found me I have to intercept her little rant before she goes on and on.
"I was late for the bus and went straight to Annah's house." I carry on drawing and don't even give her eye contact, "Please just piss off" I'm thinking.
"Oh, Oh, you and Annah are best friend's I know, but.."
Breaking her line of thought again, "Guls, get me some paper before I get into trouble and before I finish of my eye." Fascinated with drawing eyes, I didn't want it to go to waste, so the sooner I got that piece of paper, the sooner I could transfer what I had done and complete my eye for the day.
"Ok." and thank god she goes to get it.
 Just scanning the room now Stewart walks in with Dee and Miss Constantina, Rachael follows and then Ms Crowley with a boy walking in backwards.
The room goes dark and I see nothing.

LIGHTS, ACTION, HOLLYWOOD!

He turns around, my eyes zoom on him like a camera lens, beautiful curls of gold and brown, drop to his ears and cheek bones, eyes with fluxes of brown, blue, green and grey, mesmerizing and big and well almond shape, smile, a smile with a perfect set of teeth as bright as the sun itself. Is this Cemal?
"Morning T-room this is Cemal, and Rogue will be partnered with him." Ms Crowley did me good this time,  wonder if I can recruit him? "Cemal go and sit next to Rogue, the boy with the blue t-shirt on."
He walks my way and his smile fades as he walks towards me, he looks around and waves to particular people. Does he know them? Am I the only one that doesn't know who this Turkish demiGod is? As he gets closer to my seat and begins to lay down in his seat he turns my way and smiles with those 32 suns in his wide set mouth with lips as pink as rose on golden tanned skin.
"I'm Cemal." He says smiling at me  and he stares right into my eyes as if I have a vortex to another dimension in the universe.
I don't stutter, by almost dribble spit at him, "Er, yeah, I'm Rogue" finding it hard to keep looking at him espeically in his eyes I look to the left over my shoulder and Stewart is looking at me with daggers. I can't help it, I didn't pair the two of us. She did and she did well, Bye Stewball.

Cemal and I played with each other all through play time and we shared so much with each other. Who would of thought that one newbie would make me forget all about Stewart and Jerome. Jags needs to get to know him to. Sadly he wasn't in for the week.
during a play time I ask Cemal to come to the toilets with me because I was a bit scared to go alone, what a joke and ploy. He obliges and thats when I introduce him to 'Bum-bums'. He doesn't seem that all impressed with it, it seems almost beneath him from the look on his face. When we leave the toilets we run through the bottom hall, I'm in lead in the middle of the hall.
"Rogue! Look!" Cemal has, low and behold unzipped his shorts and pulled out his penis, showing me. At first i didn't want to look, but as he pulled up his top to his chest and lower his short even more I couldn't help but stare, I was amazed and fixated on it, it was Cemal's "Willy". He's flashing me in public and the in the safety of the toilets. My hero, so brave. Little did I know that this would be one of Cemal's reason for being famous in school later on, as it wasn't only me (never the girls were shown).

Stewart, fuming at my new friend would say that he wanted to play kiss chase or to play in the bush borders of the playground in an attempt to winning my attention back, but I was besotted with Cemal. He was free and wild like the child have always been. He lifted my soul, as for some time I have been feeling out of touch with the others, needing and craving a new lease of life.
Stewart attempted one day to cause an argument between him and myself  going as far as kicking me and punching. To my surprise Cemal came to my rescue, not in the way I thought. Cemal turnt into a Tasmanian devil, he bite savagely at Stewarts arms and legs and even got him on the chest, while I stood there and watched. I must admit it was nice to see someone look out for me. No one ever did, but me.

Play centre, that same day, I am left alone as Jags after almost a week and half has still not come in. Where is he?
Just remembering playing with some friends that were centre friends but not so much school friends, I need to take a pee. I've got my Transformers backpack slung on my right shoulder,  the sun is starting to set now. I'm wearing a red and green tee, and blue shorts with black plimsolls (I must of dressed myself, watching Madonna, Jem, Captain Planet  or something). Running to the steps leading me to the toilets we have to use at play centre, as the ones for the school are now closed. Talk about inconvenience, i feel like I'm going to piss myself.
From where I'm trying to keep my legs closed preventing the pee from streaming out and running at the same time, Crash and land actually very softly on the concrete ground, the bag must have broke my fall. Dusting myself off, no one is in the playground now, they must have gone in the bush borders. Oh but I see this one girl, the girl who gave me funny looks for the whole year, but never did say a word to me. She's a Herculean, ready for the big 'Secondary school', she bursts out with laughter and so does her little brother, much younger than I.
What's happening to me, My toe and fingers are getting warm and hotter, the feeling spreads round my body filling me with rage, it's explosive the feeling wants a vent. I walk toward them both, "It's not funny!" I thought that screaming that out would help with the scourging aura around me. It didn't. I step closer to the little boy, push him to the ground.
"What, you think you're doing." She says to me
Without any thought I swing my bag at her head with all the strength and might within me. It was like the street lamps had all simultaneously started to flicker for a brief moment in time, a wailing cat cry deafens the noise surrounding us, a sheet of crimson rain gushes and speckles my face. And as I get back to my normal standing posture I look at her.
"Good." I say with some relief from the invisible flames that had lain upon my skin and soul. Now looking at her with one eyebrow cocked up, I see that my back has done more damage than what i probably thought it would have done. The sounds are now silent to me and I'm watching the once gushing crimson rain begin to slow down as trickles on her closed and hand covered lips. Silence, boy on floor crying. I open my bag to see the thick cylinder shaped, glass, Lucozade bottle at the bottom of it. Still half full. I pull it out and oddly ask her "Do you want a drink?". Pain in my right ear, someones got a hold of it. her mother is shouting a cursing me, pulling us both to the toilets. I can't really make out the words being said to me apart from sorry. Am I really sorry though? No. Two teeth down the sink and the blood continues to fiercely pour out, reddening the white porcelain sink.
When I'm picked up by my mom moments after she goes off on one also. Friday ended with a bang. Cemal would have been proud.

Saturday isn't all that clear, apart from when my mom refuses to leave me at my neighbours with my sister Remona. We're in Woolworths, the shop that sells the confectioneries, Games, Clothes and toys. I want a new backpack as her blood is still on it, But I've told my mom it's ripped. She declines my offer to being good from now on and tell me the shock of my young life.
I'm being transferred to a school that deals with children with behaviour problems. Closer to home, further away from Cemal, Stewart, Jags and Jerome and my dear friend Annah.
I don't know what came over me again, when she tells me not to touch anything in the store after landing me with the bomb shell, but......
In the aisle, I stop in my tracks, begin to walk at a slow pace, spread my arms like a Harpy eagle, touching both sides of the aisle and continue to walk. Cans and packages are falling down, the shelves are swaying and I can see in my mothers eyes with every shelve sway she is praying. She grabs me by the hand not saying a word and walk out of the store not saying one word to me or the staff. She hold hope in her eyes.



© 2010 - 2011. All rights reserved N P Rogue Laudat-Scott 'Mind of Rogue' and 'Memoirs of Marbie'