Tuesday, 18 October 2011

MEMOIRS OF MARBIE: Transitions (prt 4) Rio's rays of Sunshine

September 1990: After asking me whether I wanted to play 'Mums and Dads', Rio crept to the bunk-bed he shared with his brother Royley and I remember her on the floor. I watch his cute round bum softly jiggle, up and down, side to side. He climbed up on to the bed and sat on the edge close to where the ladder was situated on the worn, word carved and sticker plastered frame. I never did understand why my friends parent's would allow them to deface their bedroom furniture and walls. His bedroom was large, larger than his mum's. Pale blue paint, with smudges of hand prints and other greasy marks. Had it been my bedroom my mother would have had me clean those walls, like she did almost every weekend. Not only were the walls greasy but him and his brother Royley had graffitied the wall which the bunk-bed was touching with words of what they must have thought was wisdom and coolness at the time. 'Royley woz ere' 'Bad boy Rio' 'Dread masters rule', they weren't even Rastafarians. The middle of the bed frame was littered with all sorts of stickers, from shoe stickers, price tags from food produce and I swear I saw a piece of hard, old dust collecting Hubba-Bubba bubble gum in one of the corner joints. Not the most well presented room, but hey at least it's clean and tidy. He's watching me and I get up to walk to the window, "Come on then lets play mums and dads."
"In a minute I want to see what the chickens are doing. They stink maybe we should go clean them out." My being an animal activist, I thought is was inhuman to just leave an animal in its own shit, plus these are the same chicken that will bare the eggs in the morning that I will have to collect with Rio in the morning, wash them, crack them and then cook them to eat. You see Rio's mum was one of those mum's that liked to allow her children to do things for themselves, so most of my learning how to do things came from Aunt Jacky. My friend's couldn't understand how she was my Aunt because she was white and it never really dawned on me what colour she was until they said. She could have been blood red with green eyes,  skin tone just wasn't on top of any of my lists to care about.
"No, we'll do that in the morning before we get the eggs for breakfast" Rio responds, as I thought. Turning up my nose and being careful not to let him see my disgust, press my face to the bedroom window forgetting that it's ajar slightly, so the smell of the chicken shit, swiftly prods it's fingers up my nose and down my throat, leading it's way to my tongue. I can literally taste bird shit. Not caring my eyes wonder to the coop Aunt Jacky's husband TJ (NOT MY UNCLE NOR RIO'S DAD, WE HATE HIM) has made.

Name: TJ
Sex: Adult male
Description: Just taller than myself, Dark skinned with razor bumps all over his jar bone, flaking and the regrowth of his hair was sharp. His head was square like and his hair shaved down low, but not skin, I guess this it what a boxer should look like, I mean Mike Tyson does. Lips as thick as bike tyres, the top one dark and wrinkled but not dry, the bottom one looked swollen and pink with thin dark lines in the middle of it from where he smokes his long stinky cigarettes he makes with real cigarettes and another thing that looks like moss. His arms full of muscle larger than my head and riddled with veins that looked like a child went crazy with dark brown Crayola on him, thick legs huger than my bodies width. His voice boomed, like a silver back gorilla, his nose was spread across his face like one also. And although I've know him for many years I don't really know much of him, he just sits in the chair, no one else dares sit in, in the living room, his nest and watches the boxing when he is busy punching at someones face. If you ask me, don't say I said but he looks as if he's lost a lot a fights, maybe thats why he barely speaks. Because he's sad.

 It's large and takes over almost the whole garden, in a way I'm thankful it does, as the space was only soil any way, seeds of grass were never planted and not even a weed grew there. That disturbed me, a garden full soil surrounded by trees and yet still there is no growth of any kind, surely that isn't normal. Tall, dark, water rotted fences surrounding the large square of soil, trees on all three sides taller than the houses, loomed over the garden like adults, joyfully looking at a new born baby through the glass, you sometimes see on TV. The trees never seemed to get green, their leaves were always as black as night and barley any sun light came through their tops but somehow when the leaves fell they were an orange-brown colour like they did have some life in them. 1, 2 and 3 I spot all three chickens in the rays of sun shine that are able to break through the barriers of the tree tops. I lift the window up ever so lightly hoping he doesn't notice what I am about to do. "Don't" he sternly tells me, but carrying on looking over my left shoulder, blowing off the curtain from my face I smile at him and turn back.
"I'm climbing through the window." I say, some would say in a devious way.
"Then use the back door." A creak of the bed sounds and I quickly turn my head back to see if he had got off, but he has changed posture, to sitting on the edge to now laying on his side like those sexy women do in those sexy magazine Royley had stuffed in the tear of his mattress and underneath it.
"Your dog is, and" He had this little cute dog, long hair, brown and white just about as tall as where my shins meet my knee. But she was a Bitch and I mean she just didn't seem to like me for some reason, even though I would be at his house like every other day.
"She won't bark at you if I come, do you want me to come? I need to go toilet any way." The way he says it doesn't make me want to believe him, you know when you can just tell someone is lying when you've know them for so long, know them from practically birth.
"Rio and Rogue, dinners gonna be ready in 5 minutes, come up and get your stuff ready!" Aunty hails down from the kitchen, but because the kitchen is above his bedroom it sounds like she is actually in the garden in one of the darkened corners somewhere. Yum the smell of hotpot and gravy and carrots I can't wait.
I shout out 'Ok' only to feel something warm on my bottom press against me and two hands that aren't mine (But I still look at mine on the window frame to check like and idiot) snake their way to my belly. His 'Ok' could have deafened me as it was in sync with mine and it was still bellowing in my ear cavity, but I allow him to continue to press his body against mine, now feeling his breathe on the back of my neck and the wave of rushing goose pimples from my spine bone to the top of my head make me shiver. "I thought we were gonna play mums and dads?" his voice sounds bothered, bothered in the sense that I have ignored the gesture, trying to climb out the window to clean the chicken before sunrise. His grip tightens and tugs at my t-shirt and one of his hand finds it's way on to the skin of my belly, cold, but with every quickening moment I can feel the warmth of his palms meeting mine.
"All right, lets play after dinner." I push him away with my bottom and quickly turn around, the thought of having to play 'mums and dads' with him confused me, I mean I only played that rarely back at Daubeny with Dee, Annah and Stewart. The boys were the dads and the girls were the mums, never were there a boy who was a mum and the other the dad. "Come on lets go up stairs." I say to him lowering my head like a cowering puppy being confronted by its parent and too I notice his face is far from amused. So I get up and change my attitude like a bipolar patient and become stern and to the point, walking not get half way through the bedroom Rio dives at my feet and I'm having to break my fall with my little knobbly arms. Attempting to kick him off, he wraps both his arms round my legs, although he's small than me the boy is strong. Climbing my legs like a ladder the last few scenes of " Indiana Jones and the Temple of doom" where Indi and the Evil Hindi man battle, my heart begins to race and I hold my breathe to force out my final 'fish out of water' slap motion with my legs. It works but him rolling over and me crawling away toward the door does not lag him, in fact it seems to give him that much more of a friary will to keep me from getting to the door. Screaming out, "Aunty Jacky!" praying that she hears a scream I thought was loud, but because of holding my breathe for the kick came out muffled he covers my mouth. Did she hear it any way? Rolling me around to face him, him on top and those once black as night eyes, shining with allure that so intrigued me into being so mischievous with him thicken with a lust I had never seen, they scooped me up and had me swirling in their cyclone frenzy, his golden fluxed skin congested with a hot blood source, getting redder and darker. The room blurs and gets darker, the light bulb darkens with the room and it's as if I leave the situation.

"You mother fucker what did you do? You fucker! Fuck you! I'm gonna kill you" I'm shouting at a tall black but light skinned man with dread locks down his back and a thick black beard (TS), standing next to my sister in the hall way, my back toward the entrance of the living room staring at him, I look into the kitchen and see the knives. The thought of me become He-man passes through my mind my She-ra was more interesting. Ramona is crying, the man is just staring at the ground, I too look down and she is lifeless. I jump over her body and pounce into the kitchen.

Back in the room with Rio, he looks at me like he's seen a ghost. "Roe are you okay?" He asks me, slipping through the cracks of time briefly I look back up at him still, above me with his hands firmly planted to the ground.
"Yes!" I replied back with the ever so fresh memory of her just laying lifeless on the floor.
"Five minutes is up where are you?" Aunt Jacky shouts down. Rio allows me to get to my knees and he sits on his looking at me, looking at me with a hint of sorrow. Looking over his shoulder, watching the curtains gently dance in the wind I lift my hand up at point towards them. "Close the window, it fucking stinks." With a nod of his head he gets up and goes to close the window and I looking at the 'Panther Transformer' cartoon picture on his bed-spread, glide across the floor behind him. "My turn" I say with a whisper.
"No, still mine" He turns round, placing his hand behind him on the window frame he pushes down sharply. He grabs me forward and hugs me, "Don't do that again" to what he meant by that I don't know. Like synchronised swimmers in our odd embrace, we gentle move and lay together on the floor. He kiss me on my neck and snuggles in to it, I feel his breathing getting deeper and slower.
With a loud sonic boom the door opens and hits the bedroom wall, Royley holding his left hand on the door frame stares down at us, Herculean he stands with strength. We shoot up and whiplashingly look at each other and back to him.
"Did you not hear mum?" he says in a frustrated "And what you doing?" He looks at us and all corners of the room, then back at us then walks up knowing we were going to follow. Going up the stairs to get dinner the smell of hotpot doesn't seem all that appetising anymore as I start the vision of her on the floor reoccurs. Looking at Aunty Jacky in the kitchen and TJ her husband at the dinner table, I wonder as a ray of sunshine from the living room reflects from one mirror to another into the kitchen 'When they argue like they do when Royley, Rio and me have to stay in the bedroom and not come out till she comes and gets us, or it goes silent and we wait minutes feeling like hours to leave the room, does he hit her like TS hit my mum that time?'.

© 2010 - 2011. All rights reserved N P Rogue Laudat-Scott 'Mind of Rogue' and 'Memoirs of Marbie'

1 comment:

  1. I'm really enjoying reading you blog about your childhood. It's funny and emotional. Keep it up.
    Why didn't you start this sooner.

    LGBT face group member Bee.T