Hello Homosapiens........... As promised I said I was going to post today. So as a little insight as to How I became who I am today, I'm going to write you all, Dudes and Dudettes, "Memoirs of Marbie"
I'm in primary school, Infant School, just about moving up to Junior School (bare with me this was some time ago so although the age is right the type of school I was in may not be), I'm 6 years old.
It's the most hottest time of year, summer, in the UK of all places. It may be hard to beleive the UK ever had skin burning, egg frying on stone, summers, but it did. I'm playing with a group of friends, Hannah is with me, Aaron, Alton and a few other. These were my close fiends.
"Lets play kiss chase." Stewart (The so-called Hunk of the group, you know the type) always wanted to play kiss chase, especially if Constentina and Dee involed (The Charbies, Council estate popular girls). Aaron gives him the nod, Alton stands beside and me, well i'm still sitting down at the House keepers gates picking up ants and eating them. Why I was eating the ants I'm not too sure now, but what I do recall is that I really enjoyed the crunch and the biting of the red ants I would pick (black ants never bite you). Hannah jumps up and they all start talking walking slowly in the heat. Dee and Constentina are under the shelter, no doubt they conducted the whole thing. I'm staring at the all, wow the sun is really blinding me. I jump up in my shorts, my blue shorts and walk over.
"Right girls first then." Great, Dee is behind me and although I knew it was coming I was hoping she wouldn't. "There's 3 girls and 4 boys, we need to get another one init?"
Constentina echos on, "Yeah we need another one init. Lets gets Rachel." Dee gives her the nod and she runs of to get the sparrow timid Rachel that obviously was brought up in a white middle class family. Even then children can smell class. She was like an English Rose Rachel was, Platinum Blonde hair, mousy little nose, and Blue eyes. Skinny too! Constentina must of roped her into play cause she began walking back with her.
Mind Block!!! Remember I was 6 years old so I can't remember everything.
I remember chasing after Stewart, rapidly. Children were screaming "Fight, fight, fight, fight", I'm kind of puzzled right now. Shit I've lost him, I stopped in my tracks, squinted and looked really hard between the black, tanned and white bodies (Funny I don't remember any Oriental or Asian children in my school back then. Found him. I chased him around the court hard, weaving in and out the poles of the Shelter and chased him into the school corridor and into our vacant class room. I stopped and the door, scanning the room as he was too quick for me to now where he had hid himself. To my left, chest of drawers with shells and pencils in tins. No not there. To my right The adult led reading corner and carpet area, no not there either (Chalk board has the date on it) "I'm not playing any more!", I hear is giggle come from a corner, the home corner. I ran to it, he jumped out at me, throwing me down on to the heavy, stained, with goodness knows what cushions. Pinned me down, my heart is throbbing with fear as his eyes look at me with those almost soulless eyes. His mouth begins to twitch, he's gripping harder on my wrists which are above my head spread to the sides. Smile. Slow motion, children screaming loudly, playground bell ring "In Time" a teacher shout out. Play ground bell still donging like thunder. His lips touch mine and he pushes down. I push back. Stamping feet in the corridor coming our way, slow motion now speeds up, we hug and then sit up.
"Where are they?' some one questions
"Miss he spat at me." I shout out, he shouts back towards the teacher "Because he kissed Constentina."
It was all planned and that's where my memory ends, well apart from circle time and we sitting next to each other taken the piss out of a Strong African accented supply teacher as she calls turtles "Toy-toys" and I, being the one that always has to correct people especially when it involved animals, say, "It's TUR- TLES, you stupid woman." Yeap that's me to the Head Mistresses room yet again.
So when People ask me "How did you know you were gay and when?" although it's common for children to experiment, in my opinion most children know who they will be attracted to later on in life. I believe you are born the way your born. Besides I had a father figure all my life and my mom didn't eat Humus.
So Homosapiens as I leave you till next week probably, as I am off to Gran Canaria tomorrow (You can follow my tweets though @RogueNScott ),
What can I ask was one of your first memories of any relationship (doesn't have to be Gayshen it can be Straightian too)
© 2010 - 2011. All rights reserved N P Rogue Laudat-Scott 'Mind of Rogue' and 'Memoirs of Marbie'