Sunday, 6 March 2011

My top 5 Pet Peeves

Hello my Homosapiens Lovers!!!!!
So I have decided that I will be doing a top 5, from time to time and this time, I have to tell you my top 5 Pet Peeves.

At number 5:

Bad breath:
I really do get fucking pissed off when I am forced in a conversation with some one with bad breathe. I mean 
no of course it's not your fault but I ain't made at you it's you breathe I'm made at and the circle of people you associate yourself with.
There was this one time I was forced in one of these traumatic experiences and i'm telling you it was the fucking worst experience I can imagine. The worst of it, the person I was in converse with was a blind date (Note to self ask about oral hygiene before hand). So this guy and I meet up a few years ago and I'm like Hot damn this guy is hot and I'm sure i'm gonna free-up (as in on a plate for him to lavish all up in it). So at first he's at a distance far another for me to think the smell coming from his mouth is something from the streets, Soho is really know for it's clean smelling street you know. We're chatting and he decides he wants to go to the cinema and oh lordy HOMOSAPIEN LOVERS!!!!!!  The Car was hot too, but once we sat down in the car that's when I knew where the smell was coming from. He was chatting and swinging hi's head round looking at me, my mouth clenched tight closed, and I'm probably going purple from not breathing through my nose. 
No I'm not even trying to bust jokes or anything but I swear down I had to do some Matrix, couching tiger hidden dragon, Thousand daggers shit and all in the comfort of a car I could have got whip-lash alone from having to dodge the stray pieces of spit torpedoing at me. And not only that, the spit I can see coming toward me, I see parasitic pieces of food inside the spit. You know how your eye just automatically go in Cat mode, and you can see the ins and outs in full 3D High definition. No i'm like I don’t feel too good, and although my friends have said you can't do that shit to someone on a date, YOU TRY AND STICK AROUND WITH BUFFY THE BREATH-EXTERMINATOR. I'm so made at his friends for not telling him that he had some sort of a problem. Would you have and be honest? The sly light givings of gum and mints people don't actually do this do they I know I don't, I just tell you straight up in my obvious (Marbie smile) Marbie way..... Smile, grin, giggle and then say “Did you brush you teeth today?” Pause “Let's get you some gum.” blunt to the point, the person will immediately take great offence and probably won't talk t you, but any adult (In my opinion) should know you asked and have nicely brought the situation to light instead of keeping it in the dark like the bacteria growing in-between the teeth and tartar at the gum lines. A friend is not a friend if they tell you lies and tell you what you want to hear and above all, wants you to be happy all the time, Thats an enemy. A friend would want you to sought the situation out, they have to live with it too (In a selfish  way). 

God damn number 4 that peeves me the fuck off!

People calling me Posh:
Now I'm not saying its a bad thing to be posh but it gets to the point where enough is enough. Now sure I went to private school back in my time in Dominica, and got tutored during the holidays as well while over there. But that was only for 2 years. The rest of my life has not been so luxurious, meaning I lived in one of the poorest boroughs of london (But my mom was classes as well not working class). I got most things most of my friends had as well, maybe we all were privileged and lived a weird and glorious life, not those that may have lived on I'm afraid to say Estate. I was always taught to have manners not matter what the situation, opening doors for women (Or a over sexy man), Elbows not on the table whilst eating, not to slurp at my soup, pleases and my thank you's, turn waiting and learning to be patient (That was always a big one for me. So when I show this aspects in my life now, speaking well and walking straight and proud I don't expect to be called fucking posh. My mom wanted the best for me (cause my Asian father obviously didn't) so I too after my sister got the best treatments that she could provide. What Parent wouldn’t want the best for their child? Please don't be knock on my door (so to speak) and say, “Oh your so posh, look at you with these big words.” or “I would have just said not enough not sufficient.” That in my eyes just shows how much parents loved you and how much love they bestowed upon you (Ooh look at me) now I don't walk with my jeans right down my arse like a common fool and yes I do understand that it may be a fashion statement that some people choose to wear their jeans in that fashion, however when I look at these people in the areas they inhabit it just looks like slavery all over again, you know the type.... the railroad men fixing the tracks for trains singing their songs “Hiyayayaya hi yayayaya” If you choose to look like a slave, be a slave, only god knows I could do with some extra housework done ad not to mention my over grown garden (It's every girls dream to do with the rose tender). I have 2 full time jobs, One doing what I do offline and Two feeding back to you guys (Yes it a full time job cause I have to think of the material I'm going to get back at you with plus I may have to do some research. My life is all about you homosapiens.) What pisses me of even more in this area is when some one has got the fucking rartid nerve to say to me “You speak really well.” or “You speak well for a black person.” ERM, what the fuck? So i'm guessing Black people are just brainless, up-right walking monkeys then in white peoples clothes? (No of course not white people don’t wear baggy jeans down their arse like slaves now do they? I have to laugh) This is not a race rant, this is a rant about being posh. YOU KNOW WHAT I'LL LTA KJE THE CROWN AND BE AS POSH AND EWELL DRESSED AND SPOKEN AS I WANNA BE. FUCK YOU BITCHES. (PARDON MY FRENCH)(MARBIE SMILE) 

At number 3 

People who always have to relate to you or someone they know:

"You, you and you"
Don't you just hate when your talking to a friend or what not and some one is blatantly listening and decides to tell you their experience or story? Well I know I do. It's so bloody annoying when all your trying to do is have a conversation with some one and some one always has to but it (It's an A and B conversation so see your self out). I mean come on especially when its an elderly person I really don't wanna hear about your experiences way back in the Holocaust or back in world war 1, I never asked for you spin on life why do you feel you have to share it with me? On numerous times, it's like I'd be talking to someone about the, lets say, My mom's house getting broken into and how she went about things when she caught a the jackers in the act. Then you hear “I remember that happen to me once..... (And blah blah shit shit) I have to turn round sometimes and although it may sound rude it's a straight up “I'm talking to (So and so)” your half way across the room, don't you have anything else to ponder on, that you have to join and try and connect with someone else in life? I don't get it, these people's lives are always about them and yes when living a life so selfishly you can become successful, but in this deck of cards, nothing you say or do is going to be a success in this game of Black Jack (so to speak) I didn't fucking ask for you old folk traditional speaking nor do I need you advise or inspiration. Please now just back the fuck up off my thoughts and have some of your own with some one who wants to hear you computer generated voice drone on and 'You, you and you'. 

Peeve number 2:

Ex's trying to get your attentions back:
Need I say more, why the hell after so long of not having contact with me and all that jazz do you feel my life is still open to your pen to write upon my pages. Remember you was once a a chapter in my life and are a chapter in my life, but with this book that is yet to be finished and published, you will always just and only be that unimportant chapter that leads up to the great excitement in my book of life novel.
Example, your in a club with your peoples, doing it well jamming it out, having a hell of a good time. Your tipsy and grinning teeth making jokes with your friends as we party goers do. You decide it's time to go to the toilet and, just then on your way there you feel your waist get held by a big hard and strong hand gripping you nicely..... for you to only turn round and see The Ex. What does he want? (Like dodo in the toilet you just flushed down and it rears it's fugly head again, What the fuck does he want?). Now not only have years gone by where you have had the freedom to grow and mature mentally, your looking flyer than super dupa fly could ever, you skin is one tone, your eyes are done neat and perfect, there is no flaw to be seen apart from this scut ass fool you dropped a long time ago. No! He's looking as he did when you meet (And when years go by it can be a bad or good thing, trust me it ain't ever good), Looking at you in his bandanna roled up one legged jeans and fucking S-curl (Male alternative to straight perm) No Mr, that ain't cutting it in the year 2000 maybe in the 90's some where. And why the hell would you S-curl straight hair anyway? He's got the cheek to tell you how good you look, your smiling thinking “Hell I know this”. But don't ever get it twisted homosapiens, he's an ex for a reason. What ever reason it is, it was reason enough for you to let him go (and if your anything like me your the one to always let them go)(Saying that there is a lot of them's).

At number 1, the number 1 thing the pisses me off:
People cancelling at the last minute.

Now I must admit that I have been a advocate for cancelling at the almost last minute, but hey I do understand, what I hate most is when people cancel like five minutes before something is suppose to go down. Ex-fucking-cample; You and you peps have long time booked slots in your diary for a specific date and every one of you are saying “I'm gonna be there.”, but when that time come like two hours before whilst your doing your hair and make up (I haven't got much hair but hey I still gotta look fresh on my nights out.) You hear your phone buzzing. Your thinking “No!' and you right to think so the first cancellation of the night. Don't be texting me, what you not brave enough to tell me the fucking truth to my ears? You scared? Look far as I'm concerned grow a pair and tell me whats up (Don't be sacred that I always know your chatting shit cause you do that slurping sound like some saliva dripping  child drinking juice, I got your number.). You been waiting for this night for the last 2 weeks and 19 hours for them to just drop you like that, they say they got the flu (The flu has you bed ridden not up watching T.V saying your sick, I know I had it for three weeks over Christmas 2010) 

So Homosapiens, what pisses you off, cause I'm sure at least one of this just ticks you off a little. And if not just think about it, If you were ever in an experience as such, I'm sorry you'd be peeved off?!

Till next time

PS (I am still research for the paranormal prt3)

1 comment:

  1. My top 5 pet peeves are:
    1. People having multiple conversations when talking to you on the phone. Hate that shit.
    2. People interrupting you and not listening when your talking especially when it was them that asked you something.
    3. People that stand beyond close on public transport.
    4. When you offer someone something at the shop they say no then they want yours. Or you have a drink & they put their crusty lips on it after u offered them one for theirselves.
    5. People who push past you then walk real slow in front of you. It's worse when they walk and text. Move over bitch & do it on the side!